


What a Magical/Meaningful Conversation!

by Novadikneedz2no



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: And a jealous one, Bad Puns, Blood and Injury, Characters get added as they become relevant, Criminal x detective, Did i mention the tsundere?, Did you ever doodle in your book margins?, Dreams and Nightmares, FYI, Flirting, Gen, I say villain but like, Im not sure if it actually counts but just in case, Im not sure what exactly that entails, Magic as a form of communication, Multi, Papyrus is scarier, Sans is a weird lil shite, Slow Burn, Swearing, Tags May Change, Temporary Character Death, Vibes from mobtale, Warnings May Change, Well now you do it professionally, alSO PUNS, bs inventions and science things, but it is definitively not uf, but like with a splash of bnha, but that's because he's genuine, correction that splash was from sailor moon, deTECTIVE READER, haitus of a kind, proud big bro sans, this atm isn't even about him like that, tw sensory overload, villain AU, you are tsundere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2021-04-04
Packaged: 2021-04-20 21:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 46,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22008211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Novadikneedz2no/pseuds/Novadikneedz2no
Summary: You, a local detective, and your team have "caught" Sans the insufferable skeleton once again...somehow.... and are questioning him. He talks the most when interacting with you so you're in charge of "interrogating" him. Again. You totally do not like like this.
Relationships: Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Comments: 140
Kudos: 260





	1. Its In Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl this was supposed to be a villain pap thing but then sans deceptively lazy ass got caught and you're stuck questioning him. Again. It's a win-win for everything except your pride

"well whatever you do, Don't sleep with him." 

"What?' 

You blink confused for a moment and turn to your charge. 

"I'm dead serious for once. bones notwithstanding. just don't." 

He shrugs with his eyes gone completely dark. You had almost missed their disappearance. The feeling of disquiet in his face and voice for a moment is mutual and you shift your grip on your sheets to keep from clenching them. 

"Now what makes you, of all people, say that to us-" 

He interrupts, smirk up and eyes back in view;

"-of all people? heh. funny you should ask. just this once a'feel like you deserve a bone throw, maybe a couple, heck i'll throw you a whole collection." 

You blink again, that being the only 'emote' you have chosen to reveal to him. 

"just assemble the damn thing and keep away from him." 

"And-"

"-why? well tibia honest i sorta like you guys?" 

He pauses to scratch his chin with a phalange tip, the scraping sound earning him nothing. You learnt the hard way(heh) not to reveal your strange dislike of the sound.  
You do however, offer a raised brow at the amusing statement, choosing to keep silent and let him ramble on, ready to note any useful info.

"hmm. probably too blunt but eh." 

He shrugs shutting his sockets to add to the gesture. Damn him for knowing that that still weirds you out. Damn the captain for not telling you were in charge of the questioning until After you'd stared wide eyed at his bones(heh heh) when they brought him in the first time. Internally cursing your luck to be stuck with the skeleton for the umpteenth time since for whatever reason you were the closest to effective. You draw an angry face emoji on your sheets with a blank expression on your actual face and watch as his ever present frickin grin crinkles at the corners. So you draw another.

"Basic team, not the best hospitality but tightly knit and uniquely effective. much of the usual inhouse poison kept down." 

Another indicative blink. You are certain your team had just been complimented and insulted in the same breath. You draw another emoji in your notes and keep writing.

"And of course you are just the _sweetest_ crop of honeysuckle in the entire garden." 

There is a drawl to his voice and a spark in his eyes that make you look down at your notes to draw even more emojis to calm yourself. For how sneaky and snarky the ole bag of bones(heh heh heh) could be he had a way of making things sound oddly genuine. Damn near heartfelt. It was annoying. It was dangerous. And most importantly it was derailing. So you simply breathe and offer him a few words.

"Yes, but back to your brother, Papyrus Wi-" 

"-just Papyrus if you would." 

The blank socket look returns for a second, easing back into his normal 'easy smile' in record time. You note the dislike of the surname.

"Yes, him. Why would I sleep with him?" 

"hmm. how to put it..." 

He drums his digits on the metal table, another sound you hate. Another blank look. Another emoji. Another crinkled smile. A few more emojis. 

"well, not that I'm deepin' it but my bro is like, the ultimate cinna-bun mixed with the coolest guy in the world." 

The day you acknowledge his effortless frickin puns was not today. You draw a facepalm emoji. 

"like he is the sweetest fuckin thing? it's not even much of an act that's just how he is. just talking to the guy is guaranteed to make your day slightly better. it does mine, certainly."

There is that genuine tone again, bright eyes alongside. An evil edge of sweet that just does not belong on a villain. It's a wonder your notes are not just emojis at this point.

"but that is why, every. single. time. without fail. the option of romancing him, in either investigation or in custody to get more information crops up and some poor agent is doomed to lose their heart to him." 

He leans back in the chair with a wistful expression, a feeling like pride emanating from him in that strange way that always made you wonder if you were imagining it. 

"you humans, you don't love each other enough. you don't cherish each other nearly as much as you could nor should. But Him? My bro knows to love. He is like, love itself."

"Cheesy much?" 

"baby there's ham and pickle too. until someone in your circle has him in the sheets there's no indication of the fact that lil Papy is also a Sinna-bun. King of the sheets." 

You tap your pen to your lips to think and miss the way he focuses on them before switching back to your overall face. 

"So what? He treats you like a loved one and f*cks you like you a lover?" 

His eyes seem to flicker in surprise and he laughs outright, wiping away an imaginary tear. To be fair you were not really the swearing type but you were not about to admit to anyone, yourself included, that this skeleton made you want to talk dirty. Of course not.

"a lil bit more than that but yeah, you get it. run by me again what you know of magic and souls n that." 

He rests his head on his hand, an almost smug grin on his face that made you draw stickmen getting punched. As if he had all the cards in his hand. Damn him! His smile is crinkling again and your face is still blank as you monotone the information.

"Monsters and humans have SOULS. SOULS have Magic, Love, Hope and Determination as base traits, there are 7 known character traits that can be on top of it. The majority will determine the colour. Monsters have more magic, hope and love while humans mostly have determination. Determination determines physicality so humans are technically very strong while Monsters have easy access to Magic and all its benefits-"

"aaand I'll stop you there~" 

He yawns.

"damn near put me to sleep with that lecture, coleg was bad enough." 

Your personal curiosity takes note of his mention of a school system in the Underground.

"anyways yeah, monsters? we got magic, magic for days. humans also got some too but it's like, squashed under all that DT and unneeded. However~" 

He let's the word drift, smirk growing and giving him away. You refrain from doing anything more than a huff as you give in to his petty need for attention.

"Yes, however?"

"we also use it to communicate. quite a bit. like a private sign language that we all know. I'm sure at this point you've seen a monster or 2 that just cannot speak no?"

You had. And twice had you interacted with them. The first had been a wee moldsmal in danger of getting stepped on so you had gotten a page of newspaper, slipped it under it and carried it to the park across the street. It shook happily and you had smiled at it and copied the movement, feeling childish.  
You blink back to the present and nod in affirmation. 

"well humans can read this language if a) the monster can make it simple enough or b) the human is receptive. You can't hear a deaf or mute person talk if you aren't paying careful attention right? It's a back and forth thing see?" 

You do see. Even amongst the other (less criminal) monsters there were moments when you would 'get a feeling' off them. It was part of why you tended to handle the majority of the monster cases and why things were sometimes sent to your sector first. 

"Papyrus is Great at a) and excellent at encouraging b). Even the most hard boiled eggs are soft inside if you know what I mean." 

His grins sharpens at the unimpressed look you send him and you both return to blank face and easy grin respectively. 

"by the time you notice the protective wall is gone his arms are around you and you can't help but hug back, tightly, desperately for some. Ya'll are love starved." 

It was true. People were not always nice in society and much of your heart is occupied with protecting itself as best it can. If this Papyrus was really as sweet as his brother was preaching, possibly as another tactic, it would make sense for agents to fall for him, like a doctor who cannot heal themselves an assassin may wish to stop and just rest and a spy might wish someone would check on them and wish them well. Drowning the insufferabilities of this life in freely offered love was a divine temptation.

"Perhaps." 

You do not offer anything else as his smug grin returns and a feeling of triumph is coming from him. You draw a couple middle finger emojis around his name near the top of the page and drew a few more when his damn grin crinkles yet again. 

"anyway that wee bit'o magic? its in your blood, bones, dna, etc. in the bedroom where it's all excited n crap you're all receptive and crap so Papy will then ask you a question with his words and his magic..." 

He trails off again. Must he do this? The answer is yes. The insufferable little femur. 

"Consent?" 

"bingo!" 

You would give anything to pinch the bridge of your nose right then. Instead you huff and add to your notes, with another facepalm emoji of course.

"I could demonstrate for you. The effects are an important thing to.._experience_...for yourself." 

His tone has a husky edge that makes you tingle. You ignore it.

"Are you suggesting I experience magical drugging?" 

He cracks up and straight guffaws for a solid twenty seconds. You give a little hop of surprise.

"honey, do you even get how magic works?"

You raise your notes and a brow to gesture at yourself. Another tingle as his eyes slide down your frame for a second before he cracks up again.

"aight, aight fair." 

He wipes his eye sockets.

"basically drugs are things that affect the function of the physicality aspect first and so must be made physically. Magic affects the whole being at once being the core that is. Tied in with Hope and Love it literally Cannot act like a drug." 

You note this too. You look up into a corner for moments and a glint indicates the camera moving down then up. He notes this. 

"Alright. Ask me this 'magical' question then Mr Sans."

"is just sans also you gotta get closer so I can whisper. it's a fam secret y'no?"

You finally let loose a small sigh at his antics. You hope the conversation would simply end with this and stop his awful high key flirts that you definitely minded but like not like that of course.

You close your notebook, pocket your pen and pick up the other chair, placing it beside him. You do not miss the way his breath catches and his eyes glow brighter, it makes your own heart rate pick up just a lil. Just a tad. Nothing more. 

You cup your ear and lean over expectantly like you were listening to a child. He chuckles and keeps up the image by closing the cup and moving as close as he can get to your skin and says in the deepest, most sensual voice you have heard in your life:

** _ "Don't You Want To Feel Good?" _ **

Heat. Fire. Your reaction is immediate and delicious. You bolt away from him with wide eyes and a flushed face, a hand over the offending ear. Your whole body just got warmed by what felt like lightning heat, your heartbeat was up and running and you were totally not getting excited. Absolutely not. Definitely. His words were playing on loop in your brain like some teen who had just found a husbando. Thicker than silk and heavier than heaven the loop was simultaneously the best and worst thing you had ever heard in your life. He had no right! Nope! None! 

"you good there sweet cheeks?" 

You barely suppress your shiver at the word 'good' and with your facade temporarily broken you growl at him,

"I'm fine you little ingrate." 

"I ain't got no carrots in me...'nless y-" 

"So. That." 

His grin is the widest it's ever been since the early times of being around his sloppy butt. You open your notebook and write down what just happened, followed by half a page of various swear related emotes.

"The point of this...demonstration...was?"

His grin eases back down to a smirk.

"imagine that, but twice the power and You, Already in Love with Me" 

Your brain politely informs you that you would probably allow him to fuck you right then and there. You tell it to shut up. No more hormones for bones today! Nope. 

"I-I see. I understand." 

You half wished you didn't. 

"But why would I...?" 

You're trailing off too now. Your thoughts are old sailors in a bad mood. You gesture vaguely and his smirk does that Cheshire cat thing that make you want to shake him. 

"you're right up our lanes and i don't feel like sharin." 

You open and shut your mouth and slowly go stock still, utterly refusing to give him anything else, aside from your face flushing again. Damn it all. 

"That- will be all." 

You turn and leave the interrogation room. 

"see ya hon-bee." 

You succeed at reducing your shudder from his crawling gaze that you knew he was making you feel, now that he had explained it. You can't resist throwing a look over your shoulder and watching his eyes spark again. Damn him. Damn his cute little beady eyes. 

~~~~○~~~~~

Later on when you're giving your report(with revised and precise notes cuz yeah you ain't stupid). You get to the 'demonstration' and when you try to repeat his words you just can't. None of the words are translating into, well, words.  
Vocal words. 

"Is something wrong detective?" 

"That Mother F*ckr."

You hiss, almost to yourself. Your department head raises a brow. 

"Oh sorry sir. I'm just a little pissed."

The dep head looks amused. 

"Care to elaborate?"

"Yea- I mean Yes sir!" 

You sigh.

"That little shi- Person. He told it to me _In Magic."_

"Excuse me?"

"Magic can be used as a language. Humans can understand that language to an extent reliant on both the speakers ability to communicate and the recipient's willingness and capacity to understand. He said the whole damn line in magic and I can't fkn speak magic. Excuse my profanities sir." 

The head shakes his head and chuckles some. You sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sick of the You'z? Soz my brain just be like that XD This idea plagued me till I wrote it but I have other things to be writing so it's a one off...for now :) Papy never got to say Hi >:D


	2. This is a strangely threatening chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your day goes well...and then it doesn't..and then it does? and then-  
"well, well, well. what have we here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the jazz riff ain't in your head yet.... XD XD

"HAHAHAHAHAH"

Your bestie slash roomie guffaws on the couch, clutching her stomach as you flush, making you both coffee against your better judgement.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up you little prick."

Ok so maybe you should not be telling housemates about your police work but it was pretty much public news whenever Sans got caught. Even more so when he 'somehow' escaped.

Besides you had the right to share your frustrations with your friends...who were currently laughing their asses off. Just the one anyway.

"Why the absolut Fuck are we laughing so loud at 10am?" Says your other roomie bestie, holding an empty bottle of vodka and looking pretty haggard.

You squint at him, not acknowledging the pun nor being fooled by it. That bottle was for his mineral-ised water for the empire of plants that somehow fit in his room.

"Yo, Sake she got hit on by the skeleton-"

"What again? Also its Murasaki."

"-Anyway get this; he gave her a fuck-ton of info to basically say he was jealous...and then he gave her a magical hard on!!!"

And she's laughing again. Great. No coffee it is. You full on angry blush and hand her cup to Sake whose eyebrow is raised high as he takes the mug. He nods in thanks and moves to his water machine to fill the bottle.

"This coffee tastes pretty good. Strong." He says, smirk up.

"I bet he is-"

"HAnnAh!"

Hannah cracks up again, finally rolling off the couch and making contact with the floor as she gasps for breath. Serves her right the lil shite.

"Ok ok I'll stop...mostly."

You squint at the couch, shrug and set another coffee going for her.

"Also wait coffee?"

You sip your own coffee and grin at her dismayed expression. She scrambles into the kitchen space as Sake heads upstairs with his mug and water.

"Awww really?"

You take another sip. Damn it she's giving you puppy eyes. You take a final sip and sigh, using a hand to indicate the coffee that finishes brewing just then.

"Yay!" She exclaims, hugging you despite the obvious coffee in your hand.

"Hey, hey! Watch it!" Your coffee sloshes but does not spill. Just.  
"This isn't 99 you know?" You huff as you move away from her heading towards the stairs.

"I know~" She waggles her eyebrows at you and you can hear it in her sing song tone. You give an unimpressed huff and start climbing. Both of you know you are smiling.

You speed up when you hear a second cry of dismay, actually grinning now as you flee into your room.

"Come On!"

You had given her the weaker coffee and you snicker as you hear her stomp around, probably fixing up some toast. Speaking of which it is your turn to do the grocery shopping so after an hour or so of homework; exchanging emails, 'no temmie please do not sue the mean man I will gently poke him for you'(this means you will punch him during his interrogation but HR doesn't need to know that), 'jack needs to stop sending me memes during his shift', etc you stretch and vacate your room once more and head downstairs to grab some re use bags for shopping.

"Going grocery shopping!! Ya'll want anything?" You shout with your hand on the doorknob.

"Nope!"

"Coffee pods!"

You giggle at Hannah's whine and shout "Ok!" as you leave.

The wind chill does not fully catch you underneath your warm coat but you still shiver reflexively. This year's autumn was especially cold. You were not looking forward to the winter. At the very least it is still just as pretty. There are reds and oranges and yellows of all kinds floating around, with many of your neighbours already having vibrant leaf piles in yards and front gardens where you can already hear children playing in them.

As you pass one such pile, albeit small, you hear a familiar, strange wobble sound. A wee moldsmal wiggles at you in greeting, their parent on the house patio behind them. You smile at them and give a little wiggle back, smiling wider when they wiggle excitedly. You wave at the parent and proceed to have a wibbling wobbling conversation with the young one, fully distracted.

You get some amused stares but everyone already knows you as a bit of weird one so most just smile and move on with their day, monster and human alike.  
The rustle of the plastic reminds you that, yes you did in fact have shopping to do and if you did not get it done you would end up being late for your late shift(lol).

After giving a final wiggle you wave to indicate that you are leaving and the lil bab gives a sad wiggle. You ruffle their head and some leaves get stuck, making it look like a bedhead. They give an irritated jiggle and you laugh, dusting the leaves off them and giving a last wave to both parent and child you head off to town.

The local food market is up and bustling and some of the vendors call out to you and you tell them you will be back later, it was a thing for you to get sold the unripe produce but what is the point in having all that weight before you even get to your destination and then have to lug it all back?

You wave past the market and pet a few kids heads before the path is quiet again. You are starting to see members of the bustling of the main city when you feel it.

  
There are eyes on you. Someone is watching, staring at you.

  
You had been followed multiple times before and it had finally stopped after the tenth Monster hater got magically arrested for stalking you and then consequently charged with hate crimes they were suspected for. You knew malintent very well. This was just intent, focused intent. That did not make you feel better. Infact it kind of pissed you off.

Your day had been great so far and then this creep had to ruin it. Your mood has now fallen and this rat was about to get a vibe check.  
Wandering down seemingly random streets towards the currently empty new developments you slowly draw your watcher closer. Feeling the gaze get more and more intense you tap around on your phone to get your location on, recording up and pull on your shirt sleeves to activate the hidden arm guards in them. You shove your hands in your pockets and grip your hidden plastic knife tight.

Taking a deep breath you stop in an alleyway and run a hand through your hair. Dangit you were going to be late for work.

"Come on out. I want to see the face of my newest unfortunate stalker."

A figure slinks out of the shadows in front of you; a casual punk dressed cat monster with ever so slightly matted fur and a nick in their ear. The animal lover in you wanted to pet them and help with the mats. The survival you silenced it.

"I'm surprised you noticed. Or maybe I'm just not that good lol." He says, your overly sensitive mind picking on that statement.

"Well that's good for me anyway." He reaches up to scratch behind the nicked ear and you twitch, your stance subtly widening and your arms tensing with your fists clenched.

Eyes glinting in the light and flat expression hardened, a cat's gotta admit when stuff looks tough. You look downright intimidating. He keeps his expression cool and calm as he talks to you though, even his tail movements are slow and slight. It is just how it is of you want to live in this world. Fake the crap get the hat and Scat as the kids say...right?

"Name's _BP_ short for Burgerpants and long for **BOP**. Cuz that's what I am!"

You cringe when he poses and finger guns at you and your expression must change because he says,

"Don't look at me like that! Its cool!"

BP whines at you and wrings his hands. You shrug(to relieve the tension in your arms). It is probably bad for your animal lover/monster enthusiast side to be calling that cute but you let it pass.

"Anyway my boss wants to see you. Just business talk don't glare."

You glare.

"Who's your boss?" You are using your interrogation voice now.

"No one fancy." He snickers at some inside joke.  
"Can't say right now tho. You'll have to meet 'em."

He stands a little straighter, possibly trying to gain more presence. His instincts were not always the best but something tells him it would be a bad idea to actually fight you so returning the intimidation was the least he could do.

"No."

BP blinks. "Excuse me? You-"

"No. I don't think I will." You say with your voice turned down low,

"Any fool who sends someone to stalk me and intimidate me like this is probably someone I would arrest on sight."

You shift into a more formal battle stance. BP laughs abruptly.

"Now it wouldn't quite go like that. If you would just-"

You interrupt.

"-AND, I do not feel like getting kidnapped."

You draw your knife and point it at him. What happens next surprises you both.

BP the feline fella  
**HP: 230**  
**ATK : 4**  
**DEF : 4**  
A bit tongue tied at the moment

**+Attack**  
**Item**  
**Act**  
**Spare**

You feel your soul pop out in all its red Determined glory and you both go quiet.

Burgerpants is panicking. His eyes are wide and his tail is stilled and twitching. He can feel his cool guy facade fading by the second.

"A Confrontation!? Really!?! This is _precisely_ what I wanted to avoid. _How????_ Did they start it? But it's their turn. **OH GOD ITS THEIR TURN!** OH FK I'M GOING TO FKN **DIE** TODAY OH G-"

And other such thoughts billowed around his head as he stood there, twitching and waiting for the axe to fall.  
You are in a state of confusion yourself but you have been trained in monster battles (you work in a pro monster police force remember) so you knew the basics of what to do.

**+Act +Check**  
This monster is panicking. He does not wish to fight.

Your expression eases slightly. Poor guy. But you still had to defend yourself.

**Turn End.**

**BP Turn**

Y/N a force  
**HP : 300**  
**ATK : 10**  
**DEF : 15**  
This human can kill you

**+Act +Talk(Convince)**

"C'mon pal, why you gotta be like that. I swear all he wants to do is talk. Nothing bad will happen and we can all go home after. I'll even throw in some free cookies."

You can see him sweat as he scrambles for words desperate to placate you somehow. You decide you will not Attack him but you still won't be going anywhere with him. You note that the "boss" is a "he".

**Turn End.**

**Your Turn**

**+Act +Check**  
He is telling the truth. You may not see him ever again should you turn down his request. He may have a panic attack soon.

Damn that did not feel nice to know. You lower your weapon and place that hand on your hip.

**Turn End.**

**BP Turn**

Hope sparks when BP sees the weapon lower. Instead of murderous you simply look unimpressed but Hey! Improvement!!

**+Act +Talk(Convince)**

"Yeah! Y-Yeah! Cookies n food and whatever you want I'll get for ya! Its nuthin special. It's the only thing I'm good at anyway. My boss is the one you gotta talk to for brainy stuff! Business stuff fo-"

You half tune him out as he waxes poetic about his boss. To his credit he does not give anymore relevant info but something about the way he started irks you, your mind still in sensitivity mode.

**Turn End.**

**Your Turn**

**+Act +Compromise**

"Listen. I can you see that you aren't a bad guy but I can't really go with you right now either way. What I can do is let your boss contact me directly via the details here,-"

You pocket your knife and take out a business card and write down your secondary phone number, third tumblr account name and write your first name above it. On the other side is a printing company who had basically shoved the card into your hand when you passed. Useful.

"-So we can agree to meet somewhere public _Or _they can tell me who they are and why they can't."

**Turn End.**

BP's face falls and his ears droop slightly. A card?? What was he gonna do with a card??? He looks down at the card and back up at you, knowing full well he is nowhere near strong enough to force you to do anything let alone follow him.  
He hesitantly reaches towards you and takes the card, looking defeated.

"Oh alright..." He grumbles, glaring at the little thing.

**+BP is sparing you**.

You grin at him.

"Glad you see things my way!" You let out a little giggle when he just grumbles some more.

**+Spare**

Both of you let out a sigh of relief when the tense atmosphere melts away. BP looks back to his cool guy self already.  
You open your mouth to say goodbye and-

** _"well, well, well. what have we here?"_ **

The voice is right by your ear and you react the fastest you ever have in a long time, reaching into your pocket and slashing the air behind you with murderous intent.

"oh no, a plastic knife! i'm so scared." His deep voice is dripping with sarcasm but he had gotten out of your range though.

Damn it. It had to be him. Of course it had to be him. Your smile has turned to a snarl with your teeth grit tight.

"Why are you here Sans?" You hiss, back in your fighting stance.

"well i was gonna protect you but...y'seem to have that covered." He snerks at the end of his sentence, a bony brow raised in amusement.

Unconsciously you had stuck out your left hand and were effectively shielding BP from view whilst you held your knife in your right. The straight up terror you see all over him tells you you made the right choice. His pupils are pinpricks and his ears flat with his whole body visibly shaking.  
You tense a little more, deciding to keep that arm outstretched when Sans' permanent grin turns creepy.

"Go." You whisper to the shivering cat.

"I'll make sure he doesn't touch you."

BP blinks at you and tries to speak despite the fear,

"B-but. But what abou-"

"-Just go. I'll be fine." You say with finality.

You half smile at him to show confidence and BP looks at you in despair one more time before taking off.  
You note the slightest twitch from Sans and stop that train before it leaves the station.

"You touch him and you won't be seeing me for a_ Very Long Time_."

You let him consider your threat, already thinking of all the ways you could carry it out.  
Moving, Changing work departments, disappearing from the country and more!  
Sans, thinking of weird way the earlier Confrontation started and not wanting to risk Fighting you in case...well in case of a lot of things actually.  
He shrugs as BP runs around the corner, successfully escaping.

"Ok. Now that he's gone I'm going to ask you again Sans."

Your aura completely changes to one of complete hostility, your knife grip like iron.

_ **"Why are you here?"** _

You look like a killing machine and he chuckles appreciatively, laughter dark with hollow eye sockets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's a bit of a booger ain't he >:D


	3. Nope(also Yes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is here to establish something about Sans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a tiny sans pov chapter soz XD

Man, you were glaring something fierce. Only you could point a knife at him and not immediately poke at his ptsd.(despite the similarities too lol)~  
"Can't a guy just say hi?"

You do not respond. He would not be surprised if you thought he was stalking you. And he wasn't...per say.  
"aight. See I was just passing through when I saw you all stressed and then I saw that lil creep followin ya-."

Suspicion creeps across your face like fresh grass. How can you be so dangerous and so cute?  
"-so I was like, 'hey lemme just make sure she's ok' and here we are.  
  
"The grass grows taller and for a moment you squint and then your eyes widen like dandelions.

"You! You're supposed to be in custody still!"

It makes him giddy when that air of danger partially fizzles away in exchange for incredulity. Many would make the mistake of thinking that your guard was down. It wasn't. He almost regrets getting out since you were probably going to work in the evening but here he was.  
He chuckles, widening his great permanent grin and shrugs, mirth shaking his shoulders at your half-hearted frustration.

"can't stay in the one place ma'am. not my custom. y'gotta make me some apple crumble b'fore I start feelin custard-y."

He laughs at your blank look, easily detecting the rising frustration beneath it. It is probably not a good idea to wind you up so but it is such a hard temptation to resist. Especially when you were not equipped for blocking him properly. You then sigh and stiffly pocket your knife, keeping your grip on it.

"Look, if that's all I'm just going to go. I have more important things to be doing." You say and take a deep breath and start walking towards him intending to head back the way you came.

His eyelights grow in size slightly, his shock making way for giddiness once more. Stars, you were so cool. Only person immediately cooler was his brother and that was saying something. Instead of retreating and trying to find another way around you had decided to face the danger head on. March right past it like it did not exist.  
The fact that he does not say anything makes you a little (see also: very) uneasy. You refuse to show this and instead put every step into raising your presence and oosing intimidation. You would attack with murderous intent if he touched you. You made your entire frame sing it as you approached him.

His Soul beat hard at the sight. You looked so casual yet so, so, deadly. He knew you could defend yourself pretty well but facing you like this might not turn out well, even for him. The thought made magic swirl in his mouth and he was glad his teeth were shut currently because he would probably be drooling.

The silence is thick as you step past him and you hear him coarsely whisper something to you;

**"✡︎□︎u ☹︎□︎□︎k 💧︎□︎ 👌︎♏︎♋︎uti♐︎◆︎l ☹︎♓︎ke t♒︎at︎."**

The creepy magic encrypted language gives you goosebumps but the strange heat embedded in it makes your cheeks pink for some reason?  
You pass him safely and start heading towards the supermarket you had meant to go to in the damn first place.

"see ya round doll~"

You roll your eyes at his shout.

"When you stop escaping skeleton!" You call back, not bothering to turn around when you hear his chuckle because he is already gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's that he's into you a lil bit like joker--->batman :3  
Not the (overly) insane way tho, I'm too soft to write that XD


	4. No, Talking is Creepy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go home. You chill. You go to work...nothing creepy happens. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are y'getting chills yet owo? Heads up there's some sensory overload type stuff happening.(Noise, similar to tinnitus but more tv static than head static if that makes sense.) Magic is an immensely complex language that acts naturally...like the human body lol XD

Man, when would this day end? You sigh as you lug all of your over filled plastic bags of produce and practically waddle your way home. Maybe people had noticed your slightly lower mood. Maybe people were just being pricks. What you do know is that you ended up with a massive bargain on literally everything except the treats and cosmetics you got from the supermarket and now your arms are paying the price.

You only get hit by the one football though and manage to style it out by bouncing it a few times before heading it back to the gaggle of kids it came from. You giggle to yourself at their starry eyed faces and just keep on waddling home.  
Which when you get to makes you heave a big sigh of relief by the door. Hearing some movement behind it you get the fantastic idea to bang the door with your forehead a few times and shout,

"Delivery!"

Your head now hurts but it is worth it to see a frazzled Sake scowling at you through the semi open door. You put your foot in before he can slam it in your face and barge past, putting some strength into rotating your shoulders to lift and slam the groceries onto the counter.

"If any of the eggs are cracked I'm frying them on your head."

You ignore his threat and dig through your loot to find the the mini bag you have for him. Upon finding it you spin on your heel and present it to him, accidentally shoving it into his face as he had gotten closer to get a better look at the loot.

You are both silent before you quietly snicker and say, "Since you wanted a better look... You can now have the best look."

You both snort at that, his cackles muted by the plastic bag. He then takes an instantaneous action, much like your decision to slam your skull into the door like some crack head; he bites the bag, snatching it away from you. The only reason your fingers do not get crunched is the fact that your reflexes are like lightning. Your jaw drops and you stare at your friend and he stares back for a moment before he grins and shakes the bag. Your laughter fills the house.

Sake sashays away with his loot portion and disappears upstairs while you focus on stuffing your fridge full, shoulders still shaking in mirth. Your fridge is chaos but it's compartmentalised chaos; stuff technically in the right area but chock full. Although since you, the main grocery buyer, buy early to unripe produce things do not go off nearly as often as you would think. Hannah cooks the most and tends to make the more elaborate dishes so stuff gets used.

You pack the fridge and leave a sticky note on her mini bag, a mix of spices and cosmetics, before heading upstairs to send a few emails, save the recording on your phone and get ready for work. Hannah gets home when you are about to leave, grabbing a few snacks and mini juice pots to go.

"It's broccoli carbonara tonight. Don't stay out too late!" Says Hannah as she yawns and starts heading upstairs to her own room.

"Sweet. Don't forget your goodie bag on the counter!" You shout as you shut the door.

"My what?" Came the callback and as you do a quick pat down to make sure you had everything.

For once you had the time to spare so you allow yourself a little more time to smile when you hear her discover you little gifts before you are casually on your way.  
Sunset is slowly turning to night as you walk through to the train station, weary workers heading home and late running parents take their children home. You manage to nab a seat and slip into a slight daze, not thinking of anything in particular.

<strike> _☟︎♓︎⬧︎❒︎⍓︎ ♓︎■︎ ♏︎⬧︎ ■︎♑︎_ </strike>

The quiet static doesn't really register as anything in your head but it does remind you of a certain creepy ass smile. His heavily encrypted magic makes you blush again and you cover your face as you try to figure out why those strange words are making you feel so...weird...  
The magic to actual vocalisation ratio was far too one sided to make out actual words but by focusing you manage to break it down into maybe five or six words and find yourself blushing even harder. What the hell did he tell you!?! You might straight up punch him if it was some sexual innuendo or other. You tell yourself you will break it down later and hope people are not staring at your scrunched face as you get off at your station.

You check your phone for time and realise you are way too early and, knowing that you would be made to work the second you got in, decide to make an experimental detour to a small side cafe you had once been to on your way home. A quick scan of Doogle Maps, a shrug to adjust your bagpack and you were on your way, winding down city streets you're surprised to have never been on.  
After a few minutes of walking you stop to double check you are heading the right way. Getting lost and exploring are slightly different when you have an end goal, like work, to get to.

A quick burst of radio static makes you look up and turn towards a short, dead end alley that looks much darker than the surrounding area. This is in part due to the misplacement of the lamppost which casts even darker shadows into it. You were not going down there, or so said both your instincts and common sense, but with another static burst of sound comes this _pull_; an almost hypnotic pull that drags at your entire being.  
You start walking down the blackened alley despite your every fibre scrambling to get away. Walking apprehensively you raise your defenses with each step, arm guards equipped and trusty not-plastic knife ready to defensively maim.

The area seems to brighten considerably as you near the end of the alley, a lamppost behind the wall shedding some light(heh) on your situation. A strangely short lamppost stands broken to the side against the wall and you finally see the possible centre of the static that had dragged you here, a monster.  
A weird monster? The grey person stands at the height of a child and looks like one of those blank soft-toy figurines, like someone had been designing a soft toy soldier and gave up early, leaving behind a grey being with the coat button slits and a plain face. The whole ensemble is quite jarring and as it turns to you, having just noticed your presence, the static abruptly stops.

Before you can start feeling relieved from the release of the weird pressure, they fully turn to you, soundless and eerie, and their slit of what you assume is a mouth stretches into a smile, those orb like eyes expanding. Is it happy? Friendly? You shakily smile back, very much hoping it was both. Its eyes bug out making you flinch from the crouched position you had not even realized you had taken to get to eye level with them(?) and its smile goes wider before the static returns. Now you are 100% sure the sound was coming from them as the sound slams into your mind and you slap your hands over your ears in a vain attempt to shut it out.

**✋︎⧫︎ ❍︎🙵♏︎⬧︎ ⬧︎♏︎■︎⬧︎ ⬥︎⍓︎ ♏︎❒︎ ♋︎●︎●︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ □︎●︎♎︎ ■︎♏︎ ♋︎⧫︎♏︎♎︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♍︎□︎❒︎ ♐︎♏︎●︎●︎ ♓︎■︎⧫︎□︎ ♒︎♓︎⬧︎ ♍︎❒︎♏︎♋︎⧫︎ ♒︎⍓︎⬧︎ ♏︎■︎♎︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ⬧︎♋︎❍︎ ⍓︎✍︎**

"This is- This is Magic!"

You think, panicking and scrambling back away from the monster. The repetitive, uncomfortable sound is relentless and does not dim despite the distance you create from the source. The worst part is that whatever this was you were sure they did not mean harm, instead you had felt surprise and excitement from them before you backed away and they did not seem to realise they were causing you some immense distress.  
You try to speak but the sound keeps cutting off as you are unsure if you are going to speak words or just straight up scream.  
What a day.

Just as you feel you faint a light pressure softly presses down on your head, petting you. The static quietens down and you unfold yourself, blinking away some stray tears that had been forming, and look around. The monster has not moved and is still staring at you but now with a straight face. You bring out your phone and realise your hands are shaking. It's been about 2 minutes. You take a few deep breaths and put your phone away and look up at your saviour(?).

It's the broken lamppost!?! Or rather they were not a lamp at all but some kind of white monster. It looks like someone ms painted a bent q-tip. You quietly stare up at them, the feeling on your head and in your hair very soothing. You only realise you are staring when your phone gives off a little notification alert.  
You blink and shake your head, hurriedly getting up and apologising for your staring to the monster. The q 'tip' part of them tilts in confusion and as you awkwardly scratch your head a memory comes to you.

"Oh! Its you!"

*

This was the second time you had met this particular monster. The first had not been as creepy as the monster currently behind you but you are trying not to think about them. They had been standing at a traffic light and for some reason you had gotten the feeling they couldn't move. Maybe they got stuck to the telephone pole? Maybe they were too afraid to cross? Either way you had crossed the street and asked if there was anything wrong and if they needed help.

With no facial features to really speak of they did not seem to be able to reply. They had tilted their 'head' at you in confusion. You then offered a hand and they had gingerly taken it, allowing you to pull them a few steps away from the traffic pole. You then indicated the crosswalk and asked if they would like help crossing. They shook their head and gave a deep nod in leu of a bow, releasing your hand and moving on their way. You had felt boosted by the gratitude they radiated but then had to run since the interaction had made you late for work again. Whoops.

*

You brighten right up, happy to have someone you (probably) know in this weird situation. They tilt their head in the other direction and you 'feel' them smile as they lift a hand to pet you again. You almost sigh into it, leaning into the motion before catching yourself. It's like it is simply bypassing your hair entirely to rub(? scrape? comb?) at your scalp and the feeling in your hair makes you tingle.

"Thank you." You whisper, gently grabbing their hand away from your head to clasp it between both of yours.

"I'm ok now."

They seem to consider your words before lightly butting against your forehead and making no further attempt to pet you so you take that as a yes.  
You turn to face the grey monster who is still staring at you and when you make eye contact you see its mouth move and you rapidly shake you head, making an X with your arms. They still once more and you consider your options.

You had never experienced such intense magic (in the form of language at least) and you knew that while this monster meant no harm, as far as you know, they could definitely cause a lot of unintentional harm. You switch to work mode.

"Now. I am 80% sure you can understand me but please be aware that I cannot process your words. In fact your words have caused me a fair amount of harm."

You pause, trying to gauge whether they have understood you. The grey monster remains impassive. You decide to nickname them D-grey mon in your head. The responding cackles in your thoughts sound suspiciously like both Sake's and sans' but you ignore it for now.

"Could I have your permission to take a photo of you for documentation purposes? I am legally required to inform my superiors of your presence as I work in the police force. I know another monster who may be able to help with your communication issue as well."

Again nothing. You are not sure if you are upset by that since you want to avoid 'talking' at all costs. You sigh and release the tension in your shoulders.

"Blink twice for yes and once for no. Can I take a picture of you?"

They're eyes bug out again and it blinks rapidly. Enthusiastic?

"...Iiis that a yes?" You ask, unlocking your phone.

D-grey blinks rapidly again and gives you nothing else. You take it as another yes and raise your phone camera, taking the shot. They are not there. The space they ought to occupy is blank and when you lower the phone they have disappeared.

"What the hell!?!" You think, suppressing the tremor in your shoulders.

Q-tip holds your shoulders and rubs their head to yours, the same calming sensation returning. It has now been about 7 minutes since you walked into this alleyway. You are not sure what to make of this. Did monster kind have ghosts? Of the dead kind? Q-tip distracts you with more nuzzles and you definitely do not purr. Humans don't purr. Probably?

"Hey, it's getting harder to tell who's the actual q-t here."

Your joke falls flat as Q-t just stares at you and you feel your face warm.

"Let's get out of here."

You take the hands off your shoulders and hold them, gently pulling them back towards the main street. They easily follow. It occurs to you that maybe you should have been able to see the light at the end of the alleyway. Your instincts and love of certain anime warn you to not turn around and you successfully make it round the bend.

"Well that was...something."

Q-tip headbutts you and you giggle. You lightly push them away and cup their head in your hands.

"Thanks a lot. Can I help you out in any way?"

They tilt their head again and slowly shake, side to side. A no. They headbutt you one final time and pull away. You smile and bow deeply to them. You rise and feel them smile again. You head off to that coffee shop and they drift away.

You speed walk because you were not getting caught up in anything else and make it with just enough time to grab your marshmallow mocha and get to work. Only a few of your co workers note the difference in you and ask about it. You do not mention D-grey as you are not sure if they actually existed. You do talk about Q-tip as an old friend, interrupting John before he starts.

"Yes, they're a cutie and I _will_ add milk to your black as night coffee if you mention it again."

You and your colleagues laugh at his exaggerated walk of defeat away from your desk. Work goes pretty normal and you spot the dep head watching you. Your ignore it and continue work, blaming the slight unease on the weird day you have had and head home only minorly late.

Your dinner is on a microwaveable plate with a sticky note with a sad emoji on it. Hannah likes eating with others(see also: watching people eating her food). You draw a praying emoji on the paper and pop that on one of her coffee mugs which you set by the coffee machine. You eat, mess around on your phone for too long and sleep. Sans' face crops up in your dreams laughing at the nicknames you gave. You punch him. It connects and he laughs even harder and floats away like a balloon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I have a fave amalgam now? :3 Also points to you if you instantly clocked who D-grey-mon is. You won't be catching a break here soz XD


	5. An Awkward Briefing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New mission? Yes. New characters?? Yes. Awkward??? YES. I'm sorry XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot is soon lol owo

The weeks speed by with things going smoothly. The most action you get is that punch on that racist prick who had illegally bought out a temmie household and you got him to reveal plans to buy up their entire district and abuse them till they left or died. It takes everything you have to not beat him to mush right then. You don't though. Hinni, a elephant type monster and fellow officer, congratulates you by patting you on the head, cackling when you bat him away. He flees before you can whack him with your files.

The peace is nice. It is also unsettling. There are whispers popping up of big moves happening in gang circles and rumours floating around. But the most worrying thing is that you have not heard anything about Him. No sightings, no rumours, no nothing. Your co workers tell you to "not worry" and to "enjoy the peace while it lasts" and while you are (enjoying the peace) you are not stupid enough to not think them involved somehow.

"I'm telling you, they are so involved in this gang schtick." You whisper to your desk neighbour, "He always comes crawling out of the woodwork when stuff starts happening."

"Don't you mean out of the graveyard?" John's cackle echoes across the room as he makes himself a coffee. You save your work and let your head slam into the keyboard.

"He has been an awful influence on this office."

"An awful? More like unlawful....Ok maybe you're right." Your desk neighbour covers their face with both hands and you do not bother raising your head to John's fingerguns as he walks past. You are already planning an extensive prank that could, at worst, lead to a suspension.

"Oi! Y/n! Chief wants you!" Hinni shouts from the far end of the room.

"Got it! Coming!"

You save your work again and drag yourself out of your desk and take your briefing notebook, which is what you suspected this was going to be. Your neighbour pats you on the back as you pass them, making you jump. You squint at them and sigh, simply continuing on to the dep head's office. You draw a quick middle finger emoji to show them later before you knock on the door.

"Come in!"

The room appears bare but somehow just avoids being lifeless. Plain walls, plain desk, plain cupboards, with a few pictures and bits and pieces scattered around. Your department head spins around in his chair, having just picked up a file from one of the cupboards. Suddenly it's all you can do to not crack up at the 'sinister' cliche. The only sign of it is your eyes bugging out slightly as he indicates you to sit. Which of course enhances the image and your shoulders tremble for a moment as you desperately try to calm yourself down. Had the situation been reversed and a certain fellow been in your place you are sure he would have laughed his non existent butt off. You shake the thought of him away. Why would you think of him now?

"I have a new mission for you."

"Mission? Is this the MI5?" You smile slightly.

"Nope, but it is a mostly field job." Smiling back, he slides the file to you.

"A highly precious mineral stone from the Underground is getting moved to the new museum. There are multiple of them but this one is the most important."

You scan through the file.

"Glowstones? The King hasn't gotten any better at naming stuff huh."

You sketch a quick rendition of the stone chunk, making little notes around it. Its glow is caused by a unique mix of standard science and magic infusion.

"That was a little mean Y/N." The dep head fluffs his perfectly quiffed hair into a mess.

"Sorry, didn't mean it like that." You give a small awkward smile.  
"Although his people do agree though. It's apparently a family trait."

"Is it?" He muses as he combs his hands through the curls, his brown hair somehow returning to perfection again.

"Well anyway this is an escort mission. They say Prevention is better than cure." He lets the words drift for a moment.

"They do say that." Your pencil taps the page while you wait to continue.

"Well anyway, it's somewhat different this time. At least for an escort mission. You, along with 4 people, of whom I will allow you to pick-"

You draw a tiny smiley face and a smirking one as well. John was free and you know how he just loves escort quests.

"-will be shadowing the transport's own security team. This is to add support and make sure a police force is present to take viable record of the situation, need be."

You dutifully note this down.

"Are we expecting something to happen?"

He sighs.  
"'We' are hoping to deter any..._actions_ with a display of force. The security team is quite tough, or so I've heard."

"And so you just need some eyes and ears on this thing?"

"Precisely."

You jot that down. You go over your notes and tap your pen to your lips, thinking, completely missing the way the dep head braces himself for something.

"There's more to this, isn't there?"

He internally sighs in relief. You had both cornered him and given him an out. You tend to be a little too smart and too sharp for your own good sometimes. And if your need for information was not abated...well...it could get complicated very, very, quickly.

"The answer to that is yes. This move represents a lot of things for all sorts of different parties. It will cause mayhem if any idiots decide to make a move."

The speed at which you write his every word makes him suppress a shudder. Sometimes he wishes you had picked a different profession, like a court reporter or a composite artist. He hopes that there isn't too much info for you to breakdown but also that there is enough to sate you.

"A rock huh...escort mission..hmm. Got it."  
Your tone is a little too contemplative for his tastes. You smirk at the frown he sends you as you stand.

"Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid."  
Your words are no comfort and you both knew it.

"A sinkhole and a rabbit hole can look the same."

His cryptic warning falls on sarcastic, but not deaf, ears and your smirk grows wider as you hold the files in your arms.  
"Besides the fact that that is literally not true, I will try not to worry you sir!"

He moves to pinch the bridge of his nose and feints, moving to ruffle his hair again.

"How long do I have to organise?" 

"Three days." He sighs.

"THRE-!?!"

"-Yes, I know its last minute. This was sprung up on me as well."

"Huh...really now?"

Oh geez you have that bloodhound look in your eyes now. Maybe he shouldn't have given this to you.  
"Agh, who am I kidding-" He thinks messing with his hair even more, "-They're the only one efficient enough to get this done."

"Then I'll get right to it!"

Your eyes glint in excitement, your smirk widening into a smile that looks predatory. Oh boy.

"Don't make a mess Y/n."

"I'll try."

He sighs and waves you out of his office, pressing his knuckles into his forehead. He wonders if he should pre-write apology forms for his superiors.

***

The next 3 days pass in a blur, highlights of which being John's face when you told him the assignment and the fact that he could not refuse since he had nothing else to do; Hinni's face when you had 'tried' to steal his partner for the day and he had finally defeated you with the line "She belongs with me!" just as she walked into the room. Their bashful looks had lasted a good while. You probably shouldn't be promoting in-office romance but it's too cute ok?! At least to you and a select few anyway.

Your team now consists of human John, the curly black haired Jon snow lookalike(without the beard); monster Anita, the sweet pink bunny who was so good at takedowns criminals sometimes ran at the sight of her(too slow to not get tackled still), human Markei whose spiky dark brown hair and shooting aim was so on point he only kept non-lethals on him and finally monster Meirl (pronounced Meh-rill) a handsome lizard who hated when teenagers joked about his name and whose near perfect memory retention and relay was just the icing for your team's cake.

"I can't believe I'm letting do this to me~"

You smirk at John's whine as you all walk towards the briefing room. Meirl cackles and Markei gives him a sympathetic "pat" on the back.

"Could be worse. You could be on clean up duty while the cleaners are on break." Anita singsongs. John only grumbles some more, sulking as you open the room door.

You were being introduced to the private security team to have a joint briefing. The moment you step in you all feel an abrupt and intrusive Check, which you, Anita and Markei manage to automatically block. Partially anyway. While she simply frowns you are fuming and glaring at the source. Markei just sighs.

**Y/N a force**  
HP 300  
LV1  
This human has fought monsters before and **Really Does Not Appreciate** this check.

**Anita the bunny**  
HP 310  
LV1  
This cinnabun is confused.

**Markei the cool boi**  
HP 290  
LV1  
"Please don't be a prick."

**John a lad**  
HP 280  
LV2  
ATK: 5*  
DEF: 5  
Thinking about memes. Don't underestimate him.

**Meirl a lord**  
HP 310  
LV1  
ATK: ?  
DEF: ?  
Wondering why it had to be you. Changed his values just now.

The silence is thick as you glare down the fish monster sitting at the table. Her red hair is as cocky as the shark toothed smirk she's sending you.

"Not bad, punk."

'For a human' is the suffix you feel her not use. Would blue scales turn purple if you held her shiny little neck? You were not stupid enough to find out. Nor were you feeling murderous. Just damn pissed.

"Sir, please give me **one** good reason to not walk out of this room right now."

You toss the question at your dep head, who is currently very confused and desperately trying to figure out why the two team leaders suddenly looked like they were going to jump into a cat fight.

"_Your job_ for one."

You squint at him, trying to communicate your displeasure through the gaze. Markei sighs again, pats you on the back and takes a seat at the table. The rest of your team shuffle past to follow suit and you take a seat on the fish woman's seeing side. It's a very deliberate action and her smirk becomes a grin for a moment before the dep head claps twice to indicate the start of the briefing.

The atmosphere is icy throughout but everything gets communicated safely. The fish's team (you know her name is Undyne but you're going to ignore it for a bit) is consistent of a seahorse....or a muscle horse going by his 8- 10- 12(??) pack...Aaron; a cute and massive dog monster in full body armour, Greater Dog; a bunny monster also in full armour(you aren't quite sure but you can only see his ears) and (maybe?) another fish monster, also in armour, these two were definitely making eyes at each other all through the brief. You note that Greater Dog was in full plate, medieval style armour where the others were more modernised. You hope this team is more put together than it currently looked.

The plan was simple: with the carrier carting the goods, Aaron, the other four would flank him on all sides, with Undyne in front and GD bringing up the rear with the 2 guards flanking. Your team was to shadow them in loose pairs: Anita and Meirl, from a position of overview to have full view of the situation at all times, Markei sniping with interchangeable stunning and sleeping bullets with you and John scouting throughout. John groans at being stuck with you and you just smirk. You know he's just acting up to hide his nerves from the fish's glare. She's probably wondering about where he got his Love but it ain't her business. It's also not a great memory for him anyway.

When the brief ends you and Undyne race to exit and glare as you squish past each other out the door and down the hallway, walking so fast people have to jump out of the way. You turn your separate ways with a mutual "Hmph!" and you head to your desk to do some last minute paperwork and draw angry emojis and sushi rolls in ms paint. The dep head remains in the briefing room and hangs his head in his hands while the remaining members shuffle out, greeting and interacting with each other normally.

****

"Ugh she's so insufferable~!" You moan to Han' as you gobble down her rice and questionable but delicious meat stew.

*

"Ugh she's so stubborn!" Undyne gripes to someone on the phone as she shoves down some late night (wish-it-were-date-night) noodles.

*

"I mean, who Checks someone before they've even met?! Let alone without permission!?!?"  
You put your fork down and sigh and Hannah smirks.

*

"But like, who gets all iffy from a fkn Check!?!? She's not even a monster!"  
She slurps angrily on her noodles and the recipient on the phone giggles.

**

"Well I mean, that was a bad/dick move on your/her part." Say the 2 rant receivers simultaneously.

**

"But she's probably had a lot of bad experiences with humans. This is the police force we're talking about." Han bites into a piece of meat after stating this.

*

"Sh-she's obviously been m-monster educated so she kn-knows th-that Checking without permission is rude. A-Also I think she is p-probably the mo-most pro-monster human there." The call receiver stutters a little hesitantly.

**

You and Undyne mutually sigh and say  
"Yeah I know." and wonder why you feel peeved from your homes, miles away from each other.

**

"Hopefully she'll play nice tomorrow..." You trail off and resume eating for a bit.  
"...Ok not gonna lie; I did get a bit of a rush racing her. Or rather speed walking down the hall."  
Han raises a brow as she chews her food.  
"She's pretty fast and defo pretty powerful-"  
"-And just straight up pretty?-" She smirks.  
"NOooo? Damn it Han I'm trying to complain here!"  
Hannah laughs as you.

*

"All in all I think things are gonna go well tomorrow. This team have fast reaction times and even manipulated their Check stats." Undyne grins and wipes her mouth of leftover noodle stock.  
"Th-that's great!!"  
"Yeah...Also Alph you gotta see how fast Y/N moved! I gotta race her again! Someday soon too! I can appreciate a gal who can face things head on!!"  
She gives a quick fist pump to emphasise her point and Alph giggles.  
"Sounds like you like her already."  
Undyne blushes and sputters as Alphys giggles even more.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the pov makes sense XD.


	6. You ready?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *tosses some spice at you* Mission Start!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rivals....yeah...*sweats* (;;;owo) Anyway we have stones to be guarding amirite y'all? :D

The next day gets started with no issues but you wake up grumpy as you have to leave in the morning. You mostly work late shifts so it might as well be 6am with the way you drag yourself around. It is in fact 10. Hannah laughs at you before she leaves but has made you a proper packed lunch in the fridge. Sake gives you some of his mineralised water to drink and pats you on the back as you slowly chew through your breakfast. You exit the house with a bit more energy and head to work.

You and your team meet up and have a quick personal brief between yourselves before it's time to change and get ready. You head to the changing room and Undyne is just removing her shirt as you walk in. You freeze as the shirt comes off, pulling her hair tie out. Her dark blue scales shimmer and flex in the light showing off built muscles underneath and her hair dances like fire as it falls.

_Shit._

She sees you over her shoulder and smirks. You give a little 'hmph' in response and move to your locker, trying not to doubt your tastes in...yeah...  
Anita, who was behind you, appears confused as she walks in and when she sees her mouth form a little 'o' shape as she tries not to stare herself.

"Think you're ready human?"

The growling tone makes you wonder if she's doing that deliberately or just talks like that.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I am."  
Your words remain icy from the previous day and you take out the new gear and dump on the bench beside you.

"Now if you would jus-"  
The words die in your throat when you turn to face toned abs and a perky set of tits only partially censored by silky looking locks of hair. Instead of five lockers away Undyne had slid to two lockers away and now you had nowhere to put your eyes.

**"Yeah?"**

She asks as she leans over you, hair creating a slight curtain around your faces and you try not to let heat fill your face and keep your expression straight. If you tried to harden it you would just scrunch it up which might as well be admitting defeat. To what exactly? You have no idea.

"I- We need to change so if you could return to doing exactly that."

Her smirk spreads into a wide, sharp toothed grin.

"Sure thing. Don't be holding us back _**human**_."  
Her emphasis on human is guttural and sends a shock down your spine. It does not offend like before.

You grin right back, the first smile you have shown her thus far, your smile so wide it's just on the side of unnatural.

"Wasn't planning on it, _missy._" You hiss right up in her face and Anita watches with bated breath, unsure what she's expecting to happen next.

Undyne laughs out loud and backs off, going back to changing. You follow suit, both of you presumably acting like that whole thing hadn't just happened. You curse Hannah twice over in your head as your heart slowly stops hammering. Even in your imagination she's still laughing at your blatant and very misplaced thirst.

Sans pops up in your thoughts;  
_"A fishy miss. huh..nice."_  
And suddenly you're annoyed again. Hopefully you wouldn't see him today. Shit, maybe you just jinxed yourself. You ignore Undyne's stare when your own shirt comes off and change fairly quickly, both of you racing out the door(again) with you narrowly leading. She growls at you and you grin triumphantly.

***  
  
The ride to pick up the stone is quiet. Undyne's team is in a heavily armoured vehicle in front while yours sit in a cop bus. Markei is driving. As the trip progresses you get more and more fidgety, tapping feet and pencil as your scour your notes over and over. Possibilities of "when, how and who" race through your mind. You would start combusting if the "why" train entered your thoughts.

"Relaaax. We haven't even gotten the rock yet."  
John flinches at the reactionary glare you shoot him.

Blinking that away you turn and address him normally, "For once you're right Jojo. There's just _a lot_ of people who might benefit from sabotaging this."

John frowns at the nickname and Meirl snickers, "Perhaps but it's probably for the best to not worry about that until someone dares to try something and gets their behinds slapped by the head of the royal guard."

All of you share a laugh at that imagery and the remainder of the trip passes with much more positive energy. Nothing happens at the pick up site and everyone is back in the cars without a hitch.  
You turn all twitchy and tappy again but this time no one corrects you: they are just as nervous. All that was left was to reach the museum street(which was too small for a massive armoured truck), your team in the initial lead, get into position and stroll give or take 300 yards to the museum and let the Undyne team install it and then Done. Easy right? Except your Soul is agitated. Your instincts and your Soul are connected so if you got a feeling it tends not to be random.

***  
  
Your team wears their radios and hop off the bus. You unclip yours and say, "Ready to go guys?"  
Your team respond with a crisp "Sir, yes sir!" just as Undyne's team have finished off loading. The two of you share another shark toothed grin before you turn back to your team and snap your fingers saying,

"Alright! Let's get to it!"

They salute you again.

"Markei! Safe but high!"  
"Yes sir!"  
You pull him closer to whisper, "Be extra careful as I get the sense we already have eyes on us. Check in often."

He nods in affirmation and slinks away, disappearing with surprising speed down a dead end alley. Ah, former gymnasts.

"Anita! Meirl! You know what to do. Eyes open."  
Anita grins and carries Meirl off, despite his shocked protests.

"You need to save your energy for recording. We've got a lot of space to cover." Anita chirps as she finds a suitable spot to stop.

Meirl's complaints go down to grumbles as they head down the path.

"John?"  
You grin at his dramatic sigh.

"I'll try to keep up." He mumbles, coughing when you slap his back.

"That's the spirit! Let's go."

You giggle when he sighs again both of your eyes already scouring the area as you walk.

"ALRIGHT!! LET'S GO!!" Undyne roars at her team who respond with a burst of sound.

Howls, hoots and shouts go on for a second or so and abruptly cut off into absolute silence as the procession really begins. You feel your body shivering from the force of it.

"That's certainly one way of intimidating opponents."

"Yup. Got the goosebumps to prove it."  
John rubs at his arms and you just grin at him.

Everything slips into silence as you steadily tromp your way down the empty street. Well, the stone protection squad tromps, your team slinks quietly. You frequently check on Markei as the agitation in your Soul only grows with every step. You and John split multiple times to scan the taller buildings and the shadows around them, leaving Undyne a little impressed as she never sees the moment you separate and rejoin. Anita taps her foot on various sections of road, checking for traps and bombs. Her ears are not just for show. Meirl updates his written record every few seconds.

"Any closer to our little spies Mk?"

"No, but you were right. There are eyes. It took me some effort to lose them."

"Good. Keep me updated."

You switch to the escort team radio.

"Undyne, heads up, we've got some eyes on us."

"I thought so. Let 'em bring it." Undyne flexes her free hand and readies her magic.

You raise a brow at the radio and smile. You raise your hand and give a thumbs up, your entire team slipping into ready stances. You can feel the hum of magic from Undyne's team and it fills you with excitement and determination.

You feel something snap and your hand crushes the dart aiming for your neck.

"Markei!"

"Got it!"

"Shields!" You shout into your team radio, tapping the button on the back of your palm and watching a sturdy mini shield pop out. Your body armour is strong but critical shots are still very much a threat.

Shadows start to move and you wonder if you missed them or if they just appeared as you and John race to attack.

A loud POMF of colourful smoke at the entrance of the museum stops everyone in their tracks and you feel your stomach drop at the horribly familiar laugh that echoes down the whole street from everywhere at once.

**"NYEH HEH HEH!"**

_Shit._

All hell breaks loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus! On the scene! Finally!


	7. Just Missed It...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well I mean...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder where-

They all open fire on the smoke unsurprisingly. The skeleton brothers were as much of a pest to them as to your people. One could never tell whether they would vigilante or actually steal plus they were strong. Annoyingly so.  
You are grateful for that right now as it gives you and John the opening you need to knock out two guys each. The group you are attacking seem to blink in shock and remember your presence but before they can train those guns on you, you spin and slip though them, disarming the vast majority of the remaining six thugs left, their guns all in the locked item box John had dequipped while you fought them back, taking down another two fools who dared to face you in hand to hand, your speciality.

The group look at each and all but one, the only one armed, turn and flee, making it less than five feet before you raise an arm and they all get darted.

"Thanks Mk!" You call into the radio.

"N P!"

"Status report! Who needs help?"

"Anita is surrounded and about to get pinned Meirl seems to be keeping out of the way!"

"Alright! We'll bind our guys and head over."

You switch to the escort radio as you signal to John, who packs up and reattaches the item box to his belt.

"Undyne! What's happening with you guys?!"

"We're fine! Package is still safe and three hostiles detained! I'm in the middle of catching the six remaining! **NGAH!!**"  
Her shout is punctuated by a series of booms and frightened shouts from her unfortunate opponents. You grin and switch back your team radio.

"Anita! Meirl! We're en route to you! Meirl! Run by me what's happening!"  
You and John race towards her, both bringing out your batons.

"It's a mess! Undyne's team is holding up pretty well though. They've got twelve hostiles in total with five on the floor already. Oof. There goes another one."

Another boom follows his words. You do not turn to look as Anita really appears pinned by the four armed thugs. Tasers. You speed up. John gets the item box ready to deploy. You see the glint of a gun further up the street and curse internally.

"**ANITA**! ON YOUR RIGHT!"

Anita moves to block with her hand shield when the ground shakes and you hear a sound like thunder. When the dust clears there's a tall skeleton and a massive bone between the shot and Anita. Everyone stands in shocked silence.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT MISS BUNNY?"

Anita stares up at the fancifully clad skeleton, just managing to nod.

"GOOD! BLUE MEANS **STOP!**"

She freezes and he yanks the massive bone out of the broken concrete and it blinks blue on contact. He swings it round in a burst of ridiculous speed and accuracy, knocking out all four of her opponents who had been in the middle of grabbing their handguns. He then chucks it at the shooter and you raise a hand to indicate to Mk again.

"How many Mk!?"

"Seven! Three taken by the bone. The rest by my shots!"

You eye the vigilante warily, just outside his immediate swinging range. You don't think this is a coincidence.

"HUMANS! TIS GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

He hefts the bone on a shoulder as he grins at you. John jumps a little, surprised at the volume.

"Papyrus." You deadpan, hand on your hip.

He seems to brighten at the acknowledgement. More explosive sounds come from Undyne's corner and you all turn to see far more enemies than before. You curse internally.

"IT SEEMS THE GREAT I AM IS NEEDED ELSEWHERE! GOOD DAY TO YOU YOUNG HUMANS, BUNNY AND LIZARD!"

Papyrus announces and crouches down, the ground vibrating and cracking when he takes off in a spectacular super jump, twisting gracefully through the air like an Olympic athlete.

"Meirl. You didn't think to mention the skeleton?"

"-I didn't get that far! Gimme a break!" Meirl whines into his radio, already moving to see more of the situation.

"Absolutely not. Full report. Now."

"He has been a passive force since the start; jumping between groups with his bones popping out of the ground at seemingly random places around different people; being an irritant in the fight. I cannot yet see where these thugs are coming from but there are loads more of them surrounding the Undyne team."

"Alright! Figure out where these worms are crawling out of so us birds can finish the feast! We will head over once these guys are bound."

"Got it???"

"Markei! How is it for you?"

"Running out of sleeper ammo! I'm defaulting to stun and taser shots to minimise the damage. Where the hell are these guys coming from!?!"

You hear a normal shot hit somewhere close. Oh no.

"Mk! Are you compromised!?"

"No! They haven't figured it out. Their warning shots are bluffs! I cannot afford to move now as that would actually give away my position!"

You exhale in relief before you continue to give orders.  
"Then focus on clearing away your shooters! The Undyne team can handle themselves and I will not have you dying on me!"

"Yes, sir!"

Another boom announces Papyrus' landing. Along with Undyne's acknowledgement.

_ **"PAPYRUS!!!"** _

The sound is so loud you feel a miniature shockwave in the air. She is not happy to see him.

"NYEH HEH!"

The triumphant <strike>(cocky)</strike> laugh sets off another roar and the fight gets even more chaotic. Unlucky bodies are flying through the air now. You sigh as you quickly finish cuffing and binding the thugs by you and John clips the item box back onto his belt.

"John, can you stay here and gather up the bodies?"

"Y/n that sounds so ominous wtf."

"Just do it. Unless you wanna join us in that?"

Someone Wilhelm screams in the chaos and a stray bone impales itself into the ground nearby.

"Nope. I'm good."

You and Anita grin as he scuttles away.

"Call it in too! We'll need a couple vans to pack this lot away!"

"Will do!" He shouts back.

You nod to Anita and she races off, being much faster than you, as you do a final check. A familiar unease has crept up on you.

"Meirl! Markei! Have you seen the other skeleton?"

"Your bf? Nope."

"Now that you mention it no..."

"...shit."  
You run into the fray and radio Aaron.  
"Aaron! You ok!?"

"Yeah! I'm flexing out all these wimps!!"

"The package!?"

You slide under the legs of some surprised thugs and disappear into the dust.

"It's fine! It's right behind me!"

"BEHIND!?!?"

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. You had to reach the stone. You weren't sure how you knew but you were certain you had seconds.  
You gain visual on the armoured box and just as you reach out to grab the handle you blink.

_"oh! hey~"_

It's Him. The bane of your entire bloody career. His grin widens at the sight of the fury in your face as he places a bony palm on the box.

**"SAAA-"**

Is all he gets to hear before he blips out of existence with your package.

**"AAAAAARRRGGHH!"**

Your roar almost matches Undyne's in volume and does a fantastic job of informing everyone. They all spin around to you and Aaron lets out a curse.  
Papyrus suddenly does another majestic leap away and lands perfectly on a lamppost, his cape floating in the wind.

"MY JOB HERE IS DONE."

"But you didn't do anything!" Shouts a random thug.

** "GOODBYE!" **

He spins and disappears with his cape. Everyone looks increasingly confused as the seconds tick by and Undyne races to you, expression hardened.

"Where's the stone?"

You inhale and exhale deeply.

"They have it..."

You have to clap a hand over your ears at Undyne's responding roar.

_ **"I'M GOING TO KILL THEM BOTH!!"** _

The thugs seem to realise what has happened and start to back away but unfortunately for them the backup John called in arrives, surrounding the area. They all get detained by some pissed off police folk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -HE WAS THERE! CRAP!  
Forgive me for the shortness. I'm writing this on my phone in my free time and have a hard time quantifying it. XD Hope you're enjoying the frustration tho >:3


	8. Diamond in Custard-y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pun, a jape and bonding time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took some time to scrape out of my brain. Life stuff keeps happening lol.  
Also Soz reader is Undyne kin now I don't make the rules.

Things quickly get wrapped up and everyone gives their individual, on site reports. You stand by your car and slap your hands on your face, dragging them down.

"Uuuugh. Why didn't I see this coming?"

"You did. Sorta. No one took it too seriously though apparently."

"Apparently." You sarcastically repeat the word, squinting at John.

"Hey don't shoot! I'm just the messenger."  
He brings his hands up.

"Messenger for whomst?"

"..Me-eeeewtwo!" He whips out his phone with a picture of the pokemon T posing.

"Oh my god really?"

"You're smiling~"

You are.  
"Shut up and come'ere."

You catch him in a headlock and noogie away, ignoring his futile attempts at escape.

"Agh, sir please I give! Spare meee!"

"Nope."  
You noogie a little harder.

"Nooo." He fake wails, making you fight a snicker.

You release him and slap his back, grinning as he stumbles to recover. You smirk and cross your arms when he raises his hands up.

"Finally! Freedom!!" His half shout gets some attention and he coughs, straightening his clothes before turning back to you as you burst out laughing.

He huffs as you stop laughing and squints behind you.

"What is that?"

There is something glinting in the light on the hood of your cop car; it's a card. A folded card like some sort of birthday gift. You approach it warily and look over the top, identifying the papyrus font.

"Get Meirl over here immediately. See if they have any magic tracers available too."

John nods and runs off.

"Of course. Their bloody calling cards." You huff, taking out your phone to take a few pictures of it.

This was a bit bigger than their usual calling cards though. They often left just a handmade but well done little white business card. This was an A4 card folded in half with intricate gold patterns on the edges.

After Meirl takes a significant amount of pictures for official record and the tracer shakes their head, having found nothing, you all gather round to read the note inside:  
____  
"Dear Human reading this (who is most likely to be Human Y/n).  
**You Have Been Japed!**  
Below is the number we would like you to call at 8pm tonight to discuss our plans going forward!

**-xxx xxx xxx xxx**

Please do not call it prior to the time as you may get some strange occurrences!  
P.s. Human Y/n Sans requested I draw you this saying "she will get it."

_*Its a lil picture of a pie with a crumbly top and a carton with a C and a diamond below it*_

P.p.s I apologise in advance of that was a pun of some kind.

Forever Great  
_**The Mighty Paprika."**_  
____  
"Paprika? That's a new one." Says Anita.

"When's this guy going to figure out changing his alias doesn't mean much if we already know his name?" Markei sighs, dramatically slamming the car boot shut after loading his equipment.

"I think he has. He can argue law stuff in the courts...if we ever manage to catch him for real that is." John chirps, making Markei sigh again.

"Any idea what the pie is about Y/n?" Undyne huffs, making you start in surprise, not having noticed her come up behind you.

"Well no I-"  
You remember your last conversation with the stout-er skeleton.

_"...custard-y."_  
You just want one punch. One hit on the guy. Damn him. Everyone looks confused but Undyne is the first to get it.

"Gods he is just-URGH!" She's throws her hands in the air and flexes them. Slowly the light bulb switches on for everyone else and there's mostly sighs and shaking heads with a few half smiles mixed in.

"Let's just get back to the station. Mission...failed I guess."  
Her words hold the sting of a powerful emotions which disappear pretty quick from your sensory radar. This was why those two were menaces.

Their intentions were never clear and it was you and your people and people like Undyne who to clean up the mess and deal with the consequences. You stand beside her and place a hand on your hip.

"It's not failed. Simply delayed. We'll catch them."  
You announce, sure and determined.

Undyne blinks at you and the tired hang of her shoulders and droop of her frills disappears.

"**YOU'RE RIGHT!** HAHA!"

You jump at the shout.

"WE'LL CATCH THOSE TWO AND PUT THE STONE BACK NICE AND QUICK!!"

She punches the air and you smile at the scary grin on her face. She faces you and sticks out her hand.

"I Hope I Can Keep Relying On You Detective Y/N!"

You grasp it and toss back her challenge with some simple words.

"You can bet on it, Major Undyne."

Her eyes pop at the title and she laughs like a roaring lion. She slaps your back(ouch) and shouts, "Let's Go!", to her team, walking over to their van.  
You rub your back and call into your team radio "You guys ready?" to which you get a general "Affirmative." and everyone piles in the cop car. The clean up team in the back up John called would stay behind to do just that, clean. The rest of you had calls to make.

***

At the station the others deal with evidence and written reports. You and Undyne report personally to the dep head and a few specialists.

"-And now we have this number we've been told to call in 2 hours."  
You hold up the card in its protective evidence casing. The dep head has a muttered conversation with the specialists and Undyne clicks her teeth in irritation. Silently you agreed with her on that. These "specialists" were always so uppity and snobbish with their holier-than-thou attitudes. Its almost a miracle that you get anything done really.

"Have you tried calling it?"

"No, sir."

You had been sorely tempted to. However Papyrus' penchant for japes <strike>pranks</strike> and sans' inclinations towards annoying <strike>embarrassing</strike> jokes had left you hesitant. You had decided to do a bit of damage control and keep stuff inside the station...where everyone talked to each other... all the time...about everything...Maybe you hadn't thought this through.

"I wanted to be in a location where we could record any interactions properly." Is what you tell them.

One of the specialists nod sagely whilst your dep head raises a brow, probably sensing a hint of personal reasoning but does not get the chance to question you any further as Undyne's irritation decides to finally spill over a little.

"Are we getting this record show on the road or not?" She snaps as she leans forward in her seat.

Both the specialists and the dep head flinch and one of them throws Undyne a lip curl that practically screamed disrespect. You glare at them upon seeing it and and continue to do so until they notice you and stop. Undyne picks up on the end of your staredown and you tick another approval box in her mind.

***  
The recording takes place in an interrogation room and you make sure to sit beside Undyne to avoid any misunderstandings. It is 6pm when the call goes through and for a moment there is silence. Then a little [tune](https://youtu.be/fH2H_WfIA6s?t=12) plays out of the speaker, filling the room with a cartoonish chime that repeats a few times before cutting the call. You both blink in confusion, staring down the the phone.

"What the Heck was that??" Undyne asks.

"I...Dont know???" You trail off unsurely.

There's a suspicion you might have been 'japed' again but before you can bring it up the phone rings. You hesitantly accept the call and this time someone talks.

"Hello! Can I 💧🚩👈✌😐 ❄🏳 G-"  
"Oh! 🖐💧 ❄👇🖐💧 ❄👇👈 wrong number?"

The cheery and oddly metallic voice begins to sing a [tune](https://youtu.be/IAclLs1kKgY). It's the tune from earlier. You have definitely been japed.

"Wait is this song in _**G?**_"

Undyne looks more furious with every passing second. The song. The wrong number song. This song is most certainly in G. Especially with the way it was so great at grating away your boundless patience! The minutes tick by on the never ending loop and you try; Oh my god do you try. You try your gosh damned best to find _anything_ hidden in the audio but all you get is a fast growing headache.

Ten excruciating minutes pass before the call clicks off on its own, with you exhaling in relief and Undyne screaming "**YES! FINALLY!**!" before grabbing you round the midriff, the recorder in her other hand, and booking it out of that room. The dep head goes to reprimand you both but stops when he sees the matching rage in your faces. To be fair he had just made one of his best officers and the head of the King's guard sit through a ten minute, possibly automated, prank call.

You are both released for a break for an hour whilst the specialist team would sort through the info before briefing for the real call.

"You could take our guest round and show her the ropes, so to speak. And get some fresh air and maybe something to eat too."

You open your mouth to retort-

"-Yes? Greeaaat. Have fun!" The dep head says cheerily, waving you off with a slightly confused Undyne.

You sigh and turn to Undyne and she seems to get what just happened and grins at you.

"Guess I'm due for a tour huh?"

"Pretty much." You grin back.

You show her around, your coworkers checking in and saying hello occasionally. You introduce them to her and this goes well for the most part. She glares down John for the entire time he talks to you and he flees pretty quickly. He was the last person you could talk to so you suggest going out for lunch. Undyne agrees.

***  
You two walk down the street to the cafe you back tracked to before and to distract yourself from the memories of said back track you chat.

"About John...the last guy we talked to..." You do not look at her when you talk. Her suspicion may be warranted but you were not about to let your friend be judged.

"His LV...It was a hard case. Hostage Monster situation. The prick had a blade to her throat. He managed to shoot him away from her but she still got a little cut. The blade was poisoned. She dusted clinging to his arms. Bastard died from internal bleeding."

"Sounds like you wanted to do a lil more to the Bastard."

"I did. Still do." You unclench your hands and release the tension between your shoulders.

"But ripping and tearing seems more your style. No offense."

You smirk at each other, the air easing around you.

"None taken!" She says

"Also DOOM fan? Hardcore. I like it!" She whispers in your ear, her voice doing funny things to your tummy.

You grin at her as you walk into the cafe and you both take your seats. The little coffee bar is simple and cute and your booth is away from the window but designed in such a way that the remaining sliver of daylight is still even throughout the room but you are both hidden from immediate view.

You exchange some light hearted chat while you wait for your food. She tells you about her girlfriend Alphys and you bond over how amazing she is. She was the one who had designed the specialised light armour and shields. Then of course you nerd out over anime because they were blatantly inspired by several series. Only a certain number of your co workers had realised at the time but, wisely, nobody mentioned it.

"She also designed my fanplastic knife!"

"Your what?"

"My Knife."

You bring out your pocket knife in all its grey plastic glory. It looks suspiciously like a takeaway knife. You draw it and spin it around in your fingers before handing it over to Undyne to inspect. Your sandwiches also arrive right then.

"This is just a plastic knife though?"

You grin as you take a bite of your grilled cheese.

"Try putting some Intent into it."

Your eyebrows waggle while hers rise. She does as you asked and they rise even higher.

"What the hell- Is this heavier?"

"Yup! Intent based damage. It only does up to 15 even with Murderous Intent. Even less when someone else is wielding it. Pretty sweet huh?"

"Heck Yeah! How'd you get her to make this for you?"

You chuckle a bit awkwardly, leaning back embarrassed.

"Well funny story: back when you guys were mixing in with human industries there was an idea competition across the force and whoever's idea won would get made along with a personal creation of their choice."

You feel too warm under Undyne's focused stare.

"-So basically I sent in a letter with a torn notebook page that said something like 'portable armour tho, jk, jk, unless' withabunchathinkingemojisandshelikeditIguess" You mumble the last part, cringing at how unprofessional it had been and the teasing from the whole office. In truth it had also had some stickmen in blocky rough sketched clothes with bullets bouncing off them.

"Dude. That is So Awesome! So the armour was you!-"

"-Oh! No, no absolutely not. I was just memeing-"

"-Nope. You can't deny this one! She had so much fun working on it! I remember it now!"

"She did?" You ask tentatively.

"HECK YEAH!?! Though she had a gag order at the time so don't go blabbing on me." She whispers to you, ignoring the looks you got from the nearby patrons for her shout. You nod a few times.

"Alph got super excited and rushed to show me a picture of it, gushing about all the ideas it gave her. Plus yours was one of the few that weren't weapons!"

You cringe a little at that.

"She must've been a little disappointed when I asked for a weapon for myself tho-"

"Not really. She found it intriguing and praised your, for it's time, developed understanding of Monsters, Magic and Dt. Sometimes she even told me she wondered if she wasn't speaking to a fellow monster!"

Oh you are definitely too warm now. The sincerity in her words makes you feel like hiding away in a blanket and saying shit like 'I am _Not_ nice.'

"Which brings me to another thing. I need to apologise."

You raise an eyebrow and wait for her to elaborate.

"Sorry for...Checking you and your team without permission earlier...And for judging your friend. You can never be too careful in this business. "

You blink and smile, nodding in agreement.  
"Apology Accepted."

"Sweet! Shake on it?" She thrusts out a hand, her smile just a touch awkward.

It widens into something more natural when you take the hand shake it firmly. You grin at each other, neither of you letting go as your handshake slowly evolves into an arm wrestle, your auras becoming highly competitive with smiles like clashing blades.

"I'm not going to apologise for racing ya tho. I'm here to keep you nerds on your toes."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

As you stoke the veritable fires in your Souls a soft sound has you ripping your terrifying gazes towards it. It's your poor server, who flinches and weakly hands you the bill.

"C-c-cash or c-card?" They stammer, shivering slightly.

You leave the poor dear a fat tip and head back to the station, starting another race at the halfway point. You, unfortunately, lose but you don't feel too bad about it as you stroll in together with a fist bump and matching buzzed grins.

"Let's catch ourselves some skeletons." You say, eyes glinting with determination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember the first chapter? Sans. He's gon be here soon enough :3


	9. A Diamond Hostage? Really?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a rocky situation huh :) Food puns, more disney, voice ki- *gets mouth tapped*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI IM BACK. Everyone's being affected by the C boi and in my case i was already struggling to do stuff(possible depression?) and now its gotten even harder to bring myself to do anything except partly care for my recovering from TB parent....I'm actually quite happy with how this turned out and hope ya'll are still around to enjoy the show cuz I'm still working on this dw >:D

The seconds till 8pm couldn't tick by any faster as you, Undyne, your dep head and one of the specialists sit together in an interrogation room with extra tapping and recording equipment. The plan was to drag out the conversation to both find out their demands and track down the call.  
With a nod to the other you start the call on the work phone at 7:59pm. It connects at 8pm exactly.

"On Time As Always! To Whom Does The Wonderful Papaya Have The Pleasure Of Speaking?"

"Detective Y/n."

"AH! DETECTIVE Y/N! SO GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN! If Only Vocally."

You pull the phone away from your ear with his volume and can't help the amused glint in your eyes when he half drops his 'formal' voice upon realising that it's you. The others don't notice but Undyne does and sends you a raised eyebrow for it, to which you shrug.

"No, it is not Papyrus. What do you want?" You ask, your voice an emotionally blank slate.

"Ah. I See You Are...Displeased...With The Current State Of Affairs. As You Perhaps Should Be! Since You Were Thoroughly Japed by the Mighty Paprika!...and his brother."

Displeased would be an understatement to what you'd felt back then. However you keep your emotions and expression firmly in check, only allowing a whisper of cold to creep in.

"Would his brother mind returning the stone he swiped?"

"WELL BROTHER?" He calls into the background, still loud enough to make you pull the phone away from you for a moment.

"nope."

A myriad of tingles shock your body at the sudden clarity of a familiar voice. You give the tiniest of sharp inhales before addressing him.

"Sans."

**"sup."**

Ugh.

"Do Not 'Sup' Us Brother. I Believe Hu-Detective Y/n Would Much Like To Hear The Reason for Your Denial."

"-you sure bro?"

While his tone is light, on the other side of the phone he sends his brother an unsure(heh) smile. While they hadn't necessarily agreed on who was going to do the talking Sans had taken for granted that his brother would.  
Papyrus shoots him a wink and a grin. His brother was great at talking much like himself but in a different way, he just needed to have more confidence there. Also he liked to encourage the fondness between you two and let you connect whenever possible! Including now!

"**Yes, I Am**! Now If You Will Excuse Me I Will Just Be Over Here, Doing Nothing Suspicious At All."

You hear the phone being placed on a surface and his steps skipping away a short distance as well as a few definitely not suspicious clinks and scrapes. You feel discomfort.

"aight, what'd'ya wanna know my _lil'nugget_?"

You refuse to address that.

"Why did you steal the King's Glowstone?"

Sans balks in his desk chair, not expecting the official accusation. To be fair this was a pretty big deal though, moreso than most realised. He wouldn't put past you to have some inclination to the bigger picture. You were always so sharp.

"now I wouldn't call this _hunk_ of rock a King worthy sorta thing..."

You hear a chink that makes everyone in the room flinch.

"but I can see why you'd think so...."

The sound of metal trailing across stone makes you shiver and you hold back your growl of annoyance. Screw their fkn mind games. Malicious little bone bags. You wish your hands were free so you could doodle. Maybe a short comic involving a skull getting punted into space. 

"Answer the question Sans."

"oh? don't you know yet? didn't Undyne tell you abou- oh wait _she can't_ nevermind lol."

You look over at Undyne's thunderous expression. What did he mean by that? Well you've got some common sense so let's do some basic deduction.  
Undyne, head of the King's guard. The King is an extremely important political figure between monsters and humans. A suddenly sprung mission, no prior information, just brief and action. The hints. The gang activity. _The_ _sheer speed Of this mission's execution_. There was absolutely a bigger picture. Was it the size of a mountain? An ocean? You couldn't tell. You knew his angle though and you weren't biting. A seed of mistrust would be like poison to this case so you refuse to ingest it.  
Although that obviously didn't apply to some of the others but you are in a pretty high position on this case so you'll very happily squish some toes to keep things rolling for everyone. You grin at Undyne, shooting her a thumbs up before turning your attention back to the phone.

"Bluff or not, that's not relevant. I-We know enough that you two count as an outlier. Individuals. Outsiders. Intruders on what was a meant to be another signifier of the unity between Humans and Monsters so _**why the hell did you steal it?"**_

Sans shudders involuntarily when you voice slips from cool neutral to an _iciness_ that hid a blazing **heat**. Haha you were probably so pissed at him right now. He idly wonders if you were making the same face you had on when he took the thing. That had been the third time he had seen pure emotion on your face. Maybe he had a thing for you being mad at him. Yeah. That's what is it was.

You did not have that face. In fact your face was as blank as a white wall. The disconnect between the venom that slipped into your voice and your calm expression makes the dep head shiver and Undyne nod appreciatively. The dep head still sends you a chastising look though, you were supposed to_ not_ be triggering them. Oops.

"_tibia_ honest. we need a couple things from ya. coupl-a rule changes. no big." 

An irritated "nyeh" goes off in the background.

"whaaat? it's pretty easy for them. these fellas can it done lickety lick."

You refrain from commenting on his little 'slip' of the phrase. He takes your silence as a que to explain it anyway.

"why not 'split'? oh sweetheart the only things i wanna pull apart are some chicken thighs. could you 💧👈☠👎 💣👈 ✡🏳✝️☀️💧? I'm craving."

You keep your breathing even even as his words start to tickle something in the pit of your stomach that you absolutely refuse to acknowledge. You hope he's not doing what you think he's doing.

"Would that be enough for you to return the Stone?"

"'course not! what d'ya take me for? a glutton? although I wouldn't mind being one 🙂✝️❄💧 👉🏳 ☀️ ✡🏳✝️ sometimes."

You mentally curse your recent ability to so easily understand his magic and internally wrestle to keep your Soul from reacting despite him being nowhere near enough to read you. Its takes you a beat to respond.

"Once again, irrelevant-"

"i know, i know. I'll get to the point."

You wait.

"We're not asking much. Just a token really; a trifle! What we want from you is..."

He pauses, for effect.

"...To lower the minimum working age for monsters to 18."

You blink surprised (and a little relieved). How oddly specific. It did always strike you as odd <strike>wrong</strike> that Monsters had to be over 21 to work. <strike>Despite being pressured into university debt like everyone else but with even less suppor</strike>t. It really didn't sound like too much to ask(you think) but some big wigs would need to get involved. Just like them to ask for something simple and yet needlessly complex.

"That is what you want?" You ask.

"Yup. i don't need to ask for your voice since I can already hear it."

You pinch your nose as he snickers, the two of you being the only ones to catch his little reference.

"Now we haven't yet discussed the subject of time periods. We might be inclined to boost it if you could, i don't know 💧🖐☠👆 for me?"

You shiver as his magic slithers and wraps around your mind. Since when was magic phone transmittable? It's not like you were into <strike>his</strike> deep voices or anything? Yeah...

"Aside from the impracticalities of that request does Papyrus know you are quoting Disney?"

A distant "I KNEW IT!" reaches your ears and your expression softens for a moment.

"I'll Have You Know Detective That There Is Not A Time Limit At The Current Moment! I Will Hand You Back Over To My Brother To Explain _Properly_ This Time!"

A humorous glint flashes through your eyes before Sans' voice returns, a little nervous.

"why you gotta out me like that sweet D?"

D for detective? That's new.

"And again, somewhat irrelevant. Papyrus has informed us that you have more explaining to do?"

"yea i guess."

A part of you feels childishly smug about his grumpy tone.

"basically, we need ya to get that minimum changed, passed and protected. we know exactly how long it can take and how long it should end up taking. hopefully you guys' big bosses won't decide to mess around cuz this _hunk_ ain't got a lot to chip at."

Another painful chink echoes in the room. The pen in Undyne's hand snaps in half. Your teeth grit slightly at his chuckle.

"as f'me? you can nibble all y'want. gnaw away! im just a _bonely_ pile of _hunk_ for you."

You heavily chastise the part of you that wants to giggle at that. What kind of bad joke level did this sack of bones work at? Why did you want to laugh at that?

"We can't guarantee how they will operate in any capacity nor can we guarantee that your request will be granted."

"absolving responsibility?-" Sans starts.

You ignore the glare from the dep head. What you said was true and you didn't feel like getting fired if these boys decided to somehow screw you over. Again.

"Good. heaven knows y'should'nt have to suffer liabilities for this lil thing...In fact...lemme _clarify_ something to my lovely audience~"

His voice drops several octaves lower and you can feel the gravel in it. The power.

"If any of the lovely staff made to work on this lil case of ours face demotion, suspension, firing or threats of any kind **I Will Personally Crush Your Puny Rock so _We Can All Have A Good Time."_**

Oh you certainly had a time in that moment. A few seconds of silence where your body betrayed you with heat in all the wrong places and the faces around you turned grim. You hope they think your face is twisting from anger when you frown as his breathy chuckle breaks the quiet. He starts talking again as if he hadn't just threatened all your superiors in one go.

"now D there's something I gotta tell you."

"Something else to _clarify_ perhaps?"

"cheeky! but nah. more of a heads up kinda deal."

You hear the tapping of a keyboard.

"Tell y'techs' to update their defenses, this was almost too easy~"

Your frown deepens in confusion before a co worker rushes into the room and whispers urgently to the dep head. His expression turns angry as he hisses the poor guy's orders.

"..._What did you do?_"

Ah. His favourite sound. Your voice completely calm but also on the verge of exploding. Which, you never did but he always loved to goad you just a little bit further every time. Man did Sans wish he could see you right then.

"n'thn much, just chased away some rats. unfortunately you guys are in their nest so _rip_. much faster to fix by puzzle tho, bless my sweet bro's Soul."

A triumphant NYEH announces the taller skeleton's reentry to the call.

"That Is RIGHT! For With The ULTIMATE JAPE Comes The ULTIMATE PUZZLE. AND YOU HAVE BEEN JAPED YET AGAIN BY THE GREAT PAPRIKA AND HIS GLORIOUS PARTNER SANS!"

You dart your eyes between Undyne and the dep head, rapidly trying to figure what just happened. Undyne nods at you and stands, turning to ask the dep head about what happened.

"WILL YOU SOLVE THE PUZZLE?-"

"-or will y'pay a better tech group to solve it for ya?"

**"Call Us Again On This Number At 8pm In Three Days."**

"What? Wai-"

"TAH-TAH DETECTIVE Y/N"

"See y'round sweet D~♡"

The call cuts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beyond this point lies Plot owo) be warned :D I'll see y'all when i see y'all XD
> 
> Edit: Sans may switch to uppercase when being more threatening than usual. Not always tho :D


	10. How Annoyingly Delightful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: Piano Tiles desktop version plus a bite o plot  
Alternate title 2: Will Undyne break someone's back today?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A four koma is a four panel, usually comedic, comic :3

The sudden silence stuns you just long enough for you to hear the apparent chaos they had left behind from down the hall. All the computers in the building were on the fritz; screens flashing on and off and making random error noises. The dep head swears as he hurries out towards the tracking team, the ones responsible for tracing the call while you delayed and extended it. At least that had been the plan. Apparently they were hacked back. Great.

"Hey, I'm sure it's not _that_ bad."

Undyne pats you on the back as you walk back down the hall together. The carnage makes your jaw drop and you facepalm and groan loudly. No one knows what is happening.  
Printers and fax machines are spraying paper everywhere as your coworkers frantically try to recover their work from flashing screens. Most people are shouting and running around. Your dep head is trying and failing to call upon some order.  
Undyne gives you an apologetic grimace and shoulder tap and ushers you towards your desk.

"We'll handle this."

You sigh again and nod, trudging through the messy floor, expertly weaving past your panicked work mates. You don't blame them as your work had already been saved but hopefully nothing got deleted or copied. Your screen greets you with a flashing ":(" error page just like everyone else's. You let loose yet another sigh and resist banging your head on the keyboard.

**"QUIET!"**

Her roar makes everyone freeze and she carelessly grins at their shocked faces. You snicker as your dep head gets a solid <strike>and needed</strike> clap to the back before he jumps into action, ordering everyone to stay calm and not touch anything whilst the tech division deals with what they can. As complaints rise about time sensitive documents and the like he promises them to push back everyone's date by two days and no more. Undyne chips in with an offer to bring in more tech staff should they need it.

With everyone <strike>uneasily</strike> settled down a bunch decide to take their lunch breaks. You however have already taken yours so you head to the staff canteen and grab a nice hot mocha-ccino and return to your desk to simply doodle mindlessly while the techs work away. Undyne shoots you a thumbs up and you grin back before she returns to watching over everything with the dep head.

A short time passes before your notebook page is covered in all those doodles you had craved to draw earlier, the centre piece a rather dramatic 4 koma of a certain skeleton's head getting punted to the stars above! It's very satisfying to look at. You close your eyes to further animate the unnecessarily dramatic scene but a strange [chime](https://youtu.be/zdeZwAk6ULE) keeps interrupting your thoughts.

Your pencil begins to tap out the beat and soon your humming to yourself and smiling as it reminds you of something fun. Your eyes snap open as a skeleton bursts out of the closet in your head and laughs victoriously.

"A music puzzle? Really?"

You shake your head chuckling before you start to observe the flashes of your screen more closely and try clicking to the drum beat. Nothing happens. Next you try clicking to the tune. Your screen stops flashing, now only the error page is up.

"Is that a colon D instead of a colon bracket?"

Is all you have time to wonder before your screen resumes flickering like the rest.  
You rush to Undyne with your findings.

"So I WASN'T imagining that annoying [tune](https://youtu.be/zdeZwAk6ULE)!"

"Nope! At least it's better than the _[last one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAclLs1kKgY&t=15s)_."

"Really, Y/n?" Undyne sighs at you.

You shrug and grin at her, the two of you proceeding to organise a puzzle breaking team and cracking the code by having the entire room of computers individually tapping the keys to the song one note at a time as two mice clicked out the drum beat. Nobody would ever admit to having fun during it, lest bring down the dep head's wrath.

Once its complete everyone's screens stop flashing and display the same strange colon D error page. A loud cheer is abruptly cut off by all said screens switching off and simultaneously booting back on together. Both Undyne and the deep head shout out orders to not touch anything and when the first screen finishes loading the desk holder hesitantly signs in and lets loose a loud laugh. Their work is almost exactly like how they left it, the unsaved work saved before the shutdown.

The same applies to everyone and relief and joy resume making their rounds around the building. Undyne gives the dep head a hearty slap to the back <strike>ouch lol</strike> and laughs with everyone else. She makes eye contact with you and shoves both her hands up in the air.

_ **"UP TOP!"** _

She's really tall. You are <strike>kinda</strike> short. The glint in her eyes tells you that yes, this is in fact yet another challenge. You match her shark toothed grin again and take a half step back, bending your knees and _leaping_, slapping her hands with a resounding **CLAP **that causes another round of cheering to rumble through the building.

The dep head shushes this behaviour amidst a few choice 'party pooper's and 'wet blanket's and everyone slowly returns to work and you say your goodbyes to Undyne and her team. By way of habit(cute=pet) you almost reach out to pet G.Dog but stop yourself in time. G.Dog notices and breaks you down with the sweetest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen and when you're sure the dep head's back is turned<strike> once he gets a call</strike> you quickly reach out and give the big guy a much needed scratch behind an ear. His happy smile and wagging tail almost tempt you to do it again but you <strike>sadly</strike> don't. Undyne chortles and slaps you on the back again for it.

~~~☆~~~

Unnoticed by everyone, by virtue of still being in the interrogation room, a phone lights up with two new messages.

-nice.

-_**WELL DONE!!!!**_

~~~☆~~~

In order to prep for the stone mission you had already done a lot of groundwork and sent a bunch of emails so there wasn't much to do meaning you had a lot of time to (people watch) observe your surroundings. Of both particular and concerning note was the dep head's dropping mood. He had gone into his office to finish the call he got, come out frustrated and gotten another call. Oh geez he was going to rip out his hair like that. This cycle goes on for a worryingly long time and when you feel his eyes on you alarm bells ring quietly in your head. You draw stars of varying sizes and detail in ms paint as you wait for his approach.

"Detective y/n..."

Well that didn't take long. You switch to your email webpage before you look up and address him.

"Is there...something you need sir?"

You don't use the word wrong. That would feel childish right now.

"Not quite. I need you in my office. Are you free?"

You can't bring yourself to joke about the other insinuation of that statement just from the sheer tiredness in his eyes. You think yourself a good reader of people and the dep head had cycled through several rounds of angry-frustrated to a strange, tired resignation. Sure there was a lot to be stressed about right now but a simple few calls shouldn't bring him down so fast.

"Give me few minutes I'll be there. Should I bring anything?"

His heavy sigh worries you.

"No-no just yourself..."

He wanders away leaving you with the taste of dread in your mouth.

"Girl, what did you do to him this time?"

You laugh nervously with your desk mate. You don't know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From this point on...well...the tag change :)


	11. No, You Can't Be Serious?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts to get messed up. You don't have much choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dark zootopia timeline anyone? Jk jk   
Mind the blood mention. Unintentional self harm :)

Despite his dismissal you still bring your pen, pencil, and notebook with you. Your brain despite all its sharpness, still liked to be able to cross reference its memories physically. Plus, you had a distinct feeling you would need something (to distract yourself) to keep track of the detail. You take a deep breath and knock on his office door. 

"Come in and take a seat."

You do. As you go for a smile you notice that his hair is still mussed up. 

"To what do I owe the pleasure sir?" 

Your smile drops as he seems to sag and age before your eyes, shoulders drooping like you had just dumped a truck load on his back. 

"It will be no pleasure...I'll get straight to the point."

He knew it might've been a better idea to ease you into but...when you looked at him with concern for _him..._he knew he owed it to you. He just Hopes you can handle it. 

"In collaboration with the FBI and several private entities the head police force have agreed to...to use some newly released equipment." 

You think of Alphys and almost brighten, realising in the same moment that the dep head hadn't referenced the organisation she was part of. He doesn't let you interrupt.

"Its some...detaining tools...for monsters." 

He manages not to flinch at the anger that flashes through you eyes. He can't even keep eye contact as he says it. Pathetic.

"Magic collars. Meant to prevent suspects from exuding magic outside their immediate person." 

You stand and slam your notebook on his desk, bringing him face to face with your fury before starting to leave the office.

"**Do Not** **Leave** This Office Unless You Wish to Lose Your Position Immediately!" 

He can tell some of his subordinates can hear his anger but he doesn't care. Although he tries to mask it there's an edge of desperation to his words. Only you could be the one to carry out this wicked mission. How ironic considering you were the most pro-monster human in his entourage. He couldn't lose you. This office couldn't afford it. He watches you pause and take a deep breath, shutting his door and retaking your seat, causing him to sink back into his <strike>with some relief</strike>. When had he stood up? 

"**Explain**." You deadpan, notes at the ready.

He could always have a talk about using your interrogation tone on your freaking supervisor but that could happen later. 

"I have been assured that the collars and cuffs have been thoroughly tested and only cause minor discomfort to their restrained.-"

He agrees with the skepticism in your eyes but here he is anyway!

"-And now we have been specifically chosen to trail run the first collar-"

"-I thought this had already been tested? Why a 'trail'?"

Aha. He had asked much the same. _Argued_ it. Try arguing with the FBI though. 

"This is to see the effects on stronger type monsters..." 

"Stonger?"

"Yes. Specifically the skeleton brothers." 

Your heart tightens and your stomach twists. _Oh_. _Oh that's what this is for_. Your dep head sees you come to that conclusion and tries to cut it off. 

"And no, not for the reasons you seem to have come up with." 

He truly tries to believe in his own words. He really does. 

"We have powerful monster gangs that can slip out of cuffs or straight up burn, cut away or rip them open with magical buffs. The shorter skeleton brother is a prime example of this, getting caught and escaping on a whim and mocking our system!"

For whatever reason there was an unspoken in house agreement among the team to never actually call out Sans' teleportation. All the field staff and floor staff knew but for some reason the dep head hadn't figured it out. 

"This is for the betterment of order and justice!" 

You feel your soul hum in offense. What justice was this obvious exploitation <strike>murder</strike> tool? A fkn collar? Please.   
He seems to deflate under your growing rage. 

"The order is to detain whichever skeleton we manage to next catch in it after an initial interrogation."

You felt sick. Disgusted. You let it show on your face. 

"If we do not it will be presumed an obstruction of order and this entire station will be...reworked...to efficiency." 

All the blood drains from your face. Oh you definitely knew what that meant. Every member of <strike>your family</strike> staff would be forced to find out what that meant. 

"Just...think about it. And be prepared for when the time comes." 

His voice is hollow and echoes distantly in your shocked head. Was this really happening now? He dismisses you before you can even attempt to argue and you both get up, him turning away from you. Before you leave you notice his hands are gripped behind his back. They're shaking. 

"What if..."

You drift off, the silence almost painfully suffocating. His hands are bleeding from his nails. You exit the office. The shaking spreads to his shoulders, the dep unaware due to how deeply he was stewing. He wouldn't call himself a true pro monster advocate by any means. But this was...

He stiffens back up when you enter the room again, this time with someone else. He hears something placed on his desk.

"...For your hands." 

You exit as he spins to admonish you, leaving a horrified healer behind. He looks at the first aid box on the table in confusion, moving to touch it and flinching in pain, finally noticing the state of his palms. 

"Not a word." 

The healer nods briskly and sets to cleaning his hands.

~~~

Everyone notices your mood change and most people are smart enough not to ask. John is not most people. 

"So what's got your pants in the cooker?" 

"John wtf?" 

You half smile at him, his nonchalant-tic nonsense almost welcome right now.

"You know what I meant. Why you so grump now? What'dya chat with chief about?" 

"Jojo its low key illegal to ask that you know?"

John shrugs. 

"Also stop calling calling me that it won't stick." 

"Sure thing Jojo." 

He scowls as you smile a more real smile at him. Well, more of a smirk anyway. 

"Don't try to change the subject tho. Spill."

"I didn't." You say, knocking over the mostly empty plastic water cup on your desk. 

You feel smug when he realizes what you just did. Daring him to call you out on it and actually change the subject. He sighs and eyes you, keeping his lips sealed. Too bad. 

"New mission. Ba- Tough one."

Bad would sound childish but that's what it was. It looked and felt like the start of something <strike>evil</strike> horrible.

"That bad huh?" 

You squint at him. He shrugs again. 

"Good luck with that. You know where I am." 

He leaves your desk side and saunters away, hand raised in a farewell. You grin at his back. You owe him another noogie for that. 

~~~  
Probably encouraged by John, <strike>the lil shite</strike>, more coworkers check up on you. Its almost sweet actually, if it wasn't so annoying. You snap at maybe two people before they stop and your day ends in relative peace. You dread getting home knowing you were going to have to mull this over. You hadn't been given the chance to deny this role but when you allowed yourself to think about it you knew it couldn't be anyone else. 

You grab another hot drink from the cafe and gaze down its street, painful static and gentle touches slipping into your mind.

"😐👈👈🚩 ☝️🏳🖐☠☝️." 

You politely refuse, shaking your head out of it and taking your normal route home on auto, barely registering the train ride and your neighbourhood's quiet night streets. 

Hannah's food is tasty and Sake's sake warming. You go to bed full. Your bed doesn't feel very welcoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: the nightmare chapter.


	12. Predictably Nightmarish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmare chapter...plus Soul stuff :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind The Tags. I can't write angst😭 Enjoy :3

You are on a mission, chasing some hooligans down. They cackle and laugh at you and your team, slipping away like shadows. That is until you tackle one to the ground and cuff them. They viciously wiggle for a moment before they start to laugh, already slipping out of the cuffs before you slam a hand down on their neck.  
They go absolutely still for a moment before crying out in such pain you flinch away by accident.   
There's a black collar there.  
The shadow twists to face you with a familiar face. It BP.

"**I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I WON'T DO IT AGAIN PLEASE HELPMEIMSORR**-" 

You're frozen above him as his cries rise to piteous screams for Mercy before he disintegrates beneath you, making you fall to the ground as his dust puffs up like a cloud, sticking to you, marking your skin. The crowd echoes the horrified scream that stays sealed in your lips.

One by one your body moves, clicking collars on shadows and watch them turn into the faces of the monsters you know. At one point the youngest moldsmol of your neighbor's family Dusts beneath you and you finally, outwardly, breakdown, tears streaming down your cheeks and sobs shaking your curled up frame. 

You think of BP, Bratty, Hinni, Alphys, Temmie, G. Dog and so many more. You think of the horror and betrayal of their loved ones. You realise that they too are gone. Gone by your dirty, dirty hands. 

Someone touches your head, concern gently emanating from them and you lash out, slashing them with your Red knife. Your knife is grey. You look up to see Papyrus with his arms stretched wide, a sad smile on his face. Your scream comes out a breathless choke as your eyes spill with fresh never ending tears.

"You Will Be Alright Y/N." 

You won't. He dissipates down to nothing but his head, which smiles sweetly at you before it too is gone. You feel a part of yourself break as you kneel there in shock. To see him smiling, forgiving your treachery. It makes you feel like nothing. An ominous presence behind you has you weakly turn your head to see a final familiar face. An empty socket grin filled with nothing but malice.

"Sans." Your head says, your lips once again sealed. 

"So, whatcha got t'say for y'self?" 

You say nothing, hopeless tears un-drying.

"That's what I thought you **DIRTY BROTHER KILLER**."

A broken sob escapes you then. You know he's going to kill you for this. He has to. You can't take anymore. The glint of the Red knife tells you he will if you Attack him. So you obey and pick it up, attacking the one eyed skeleton. You drop it when your world goes black, his attack successful. 

You shake in relief at the sudden complete silence. No screams, no talking, just unbearable but self inflicted loneliness. Something is watching you.

"Poor Thing."  
🚩□□❒︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎■︎♑︎📬︎

"What a pity such powerful imagination has brought you such immense pain."  
W♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ♋︎ ◻︎♓︎⧫︎⍓︎ ⬧︎◆︎♍︎♒︎ ◻︎□︎⬥︎♏︎❒︎♐︎◆︎●︎ ♓︎❍︎♋︎♑︎♓︎■︎♋︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎ ♒︎♋︎⬧︎ ♌︎❒︎□︎◆︎♑︎♒︎⧫︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ⬧︎◆︎♍︎♒︎ ♓︎❍︎❍︎♏︎■︎⬧︎♏︎ ◻︎♋︎♓︎■︎📬︎

You wave it away, the sound like static to your exhausted self.

"Shut up."  
💧︎♒︎◆︎⧫︎ ◆︎◻︎📬︎

"Go away."  
☝︎□︎ ♋︎⬥︎♋︎⍓︎📬︎

The static crackles very happily and very annoyingly.

"_YouCanSpeak!?! Already!?!?!_"   
✡︎□︎◆︎♍︎♋︎■︎⬧︎◻︎♏︎♋︎🙵✏︎✍︎✏︎ ♋︎●︎❒︎♏︎♋︎♎︎⍓︎✏︎✍︎✏︎✍︎✏︎

There's a happy little clap like applause that grates at your ears. 

"**Such Diligence Deserves Reward!**!"   
💧︎◆︎♍︎♒︎ ♎︎♓︎●︎♓︎♑︎♏︎■︎♍︎♏︎ ♎︎♏︎⬧︎♏︎❒︎❖︎♏︎⬧︎   
❒︎♏︎⬥︎♋︎❒︎♎︎✏︎✏︎

"I don't **Care** just **Leave**!"  
✋︎ ♎︎□︎■︎⧫︎ ♍︎♋︎❒︎♏︎ ◆︎⬧︎⧫︎ ●︎♏︎♋︎❖︎♏︎✏︎

You can't tell if you hiss or shout but it gets the message across.

"Oh sorry! I will. I will bring back some Help."   
⚐︎♒︎ ⬧︎□︎❒︎❒︎⍓︎✏︎ ♓︎ ⬥︎♓︎●︎●︎📬︎ ✋︎ ⬥︎♓︎●︎●︎ ♌︎❒︎♓︎■︎♑︎ ♌︎♋︎♍︎😐 ⬧︎□︎❍︎♏︎ ♒︎♏︎●︎◻︎📬︎

"I don't need help-"   
✋︎ ♎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ■︎♏︎♏︎♎︎ ♒︎♏︎●︎◻︎

"None of that, young one. You do. I'll be back in a moment."   
☠︎□︎■︎♏︎ □︎♐︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎📪︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎■︎♑︎ □︎■︎♏︎📬︎ ✡︎□︎◆︎ ♎︎□︎📬︎ ✋︎🕯︎●︎●︎ ♌︎♏︎ ♌︎♋︎♍︎🙵 ♓︎■︎ ♋︎ ❍︎□︎❍︎♏︎■︎⧫︎📬︎

The static leaves you in silence once more. Tears resume streaming down your cheeks as you lay there limply on the dark floor.

~~~  
Oh this day is turning out fantastic! A human can understand him. Clearly too. Sometimes Sans' impulsive decisions are almost good! Almost! Speaking of the oaf...There he is. About to enter his scheduled nightmare flashback. Another poor thing.   
No time for that now though! A certain human needs help from his crushing fictional ass. 

He snaps his fingers to catch the Soul's attention. It turns to him. It turns away. Rude. Well, it's to be expected really. You can't just not be forgotten after all haha. Thankfully he's got another trick up he proverbial sleeve.  
When you told him to **leave** your Soul had exuded a powerful force that wasn't simply Dt nor simply Magic. It had coated and almost burnt him(since you were rejecting his presence at the time) but he, ever smart, ever wise, absorbed it and concentrated it into a black vial. What, did you think he had glass on hand? 

He lets a little spill and seals the vial again, blowing the sparkles in the monster Soul's direction. The reaction is immediate. Sans Soul brightens and gives a happy spin, practically hopping over to him like an excitable puppy. Gods what has this human done to him? 

"Please leave your Soul behind you impatient oaf. I only need a ghost." 

Can a Soul puppy eye? Apparently because that's what Sans' blue hued white Soul did. 

"I'll leave some more of her energy if you listen~" 

He shakes his little vial and Sans the Soul pouts (yes! a Soul with no lips to speak of!) and backs off. A sheen seperates from the Soul to a transparent hollow case of the same shape. 

"Good boy." 

He pours half the remaining contents over Sans the main Soul and observes in utter fascination as when the sparkles make contact they flash a pretty golden yellow. Sans the main soul bounces with an energy he would never see in the physical body. Sans the body smiles in his sleep.

"Come now, she awaits." 

Sans the ghost Soul buzzes in excitement and follows him to her. 

~~~  
He has to restrain Sans the ghost Soul when they come in sensing range of her; the sadness, pain and Hopelessness far too strong. Carelessly coming into contact with her could cause mutual feedback damage.  
Only when Sans stops frantically trying to race to her side does he let him approach.

"Slowly." He says.

The ghost soul huffs at him but obeys, floating slowly closer and calling out to her. She doesn't respond, perhaps forcefully numbed by the excess of pain. Sans stops by her side and immediately takes his physical form, pulling her head into his lap. He runs his phalanges through her hair and whispers comfort into her ears. These actions seem to wake her up and she let's loose a broken sob at the sight of him, whispering apologies and clinging to him. He radiates forgiveness and kindness and something deeper, kissing her on the forehead and causing fresh tears, but this time of relief and release, as she clings to him. 

"Guess I'll leave **You** to enjoy yourselves. No _Bonding_ though! I'm looking at you Sans." 

Sans sticks out his tongue at him. She giggles and turns her head to face him, seeming to finally be observing him. It's too early for that so he disappears with a wide smile and a bow. 

~~~   
You look up at Sans in confusion. He shrugs for he is unable to answer. You nod in understanding. He nuzzles into your neck, the fuzz from his magic making you giggle. He pulls away at the sound, surprised. You feel heat in your cheeks and cover you mouth. His grin goes from surprised to mischievous and you yelp as he attacks you, tickling away until you're nothing but more giggles and laughter. He stops when you start to hit at him and pulls back to see you panting and happy beneath him. Your breath catches when he speaks. 

"_**You look so beautiful like that**_."

Heat gathers everywhere on you and you feel your heart swell. Oh no. Fully understanding what he said has made you weak. His lidded sockets have you caught in a gentle gaze you find you don't want to escape as he starts to lean down and-

"**WHAT DID I _JUST_ SAY ABOUT BONDING!?!**" 

"**OH COME ON!**" 

The space fills with a white light and you laugh at Sans' complaint before waking up with wet cheeks and a confused heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't remember Nope(Also Yes) this here's your reminder >:D Of course You won't remember most of this. But your Soul will :3


	13. Well...At Least There's Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lingering effects from a terrible and wonderful dream you can't quite remember causing some unintended progress :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This rock is going to take a lot longer than I had planned 👀

You spend only the following morning out of it, unusually muted and slow responding. All you remember is a deep feeling of guilt and pain followed by an empty loneliness which is also followed up by a strange sense of happiness and warmth that makes your heart feel tight and your head feel funny.

When you try to grasp the details of the dream(<strike>especially the latter half</strike>) something seems to block you. Holding you back as <strike>precious</strike> memories drain away. You growl in frustration and write down as much as you can of it, your scowl dimming as a fluttery feeling fills your heart till it gives an embarrassing throb when you draw some colour coded stick figures cuddling on a couch. 

Hannah throws you a knowing smirk as she looks over your shoulder at the breakfast bar. You hurriedly cover your "work", scowling again as she passes without a word. 

"Bye guys! Bacon bake tonight!" She cheerily calls as she leaves for work.

Sake, now just appearing from the stairs only has a half grumble of acknowledgement which she probably doesn't even hear.

"See ya! No green beans please!" 

She laughs.

"Those are healthy and non-negotiable~!" 

The door shuts and you shrug at Sake.

"Can't blame me for trying." 

He simply sighs and gets to work on his coffee. 

*

The days pass quickly and you're surprised to find their request is already half fulfilled. Damn, how important is this bloody rock? Internally you're pleased to report this to the skeleton brothers on the second call.

"WONDERFUL! ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTFUL! IS IT NOT BROTHER?" 

You pull away from the phone, a brow raised. You manage to suppress your smirk.

"it is not." Sans agrees, smirk evident. 

"Sans." 

"wut?"

"SANS."

"lol."

Hearing his voice sends mixed signals through you. You find yourself unable to talk to him unless he directly addresses you. Embarrassment, <strike>longing</strike> and dread are not a good mix. 

"Well If They Are So Able to Be So Quick Perhaps We Can Give Them A Little _Challenge_?"

"oh, wig?" 

"Wi- What?" 

You spot one of the younger technicians suppressing laughter. Odd timing for an odd meme from an odd skeleton man. You sigh and try to stop this challenge before it starts. 

"That would not be a good idea. While the heads can set things into motion it may yet take us, as the rest of the body, some time to process the paperwork and other necessities. That challenge is one we personally do not welcome." 

Sans really enjoyed when you spoke of yourself as a unified group, <strike>like a family</strike>. It had the lovely effect of <strike>making him swoon and </strike>putting his brother in a bit of a dilemma. 

Papyrus never liked causing serious discomfort to the everyday workers in the fkd up system the humans had had built for them and by saying such she was directly implying he would make these exact people, and not their actual targets, suffer. Sans wondered if you did this because you knew. Either way his Soul swells <strike>unusually?</strike> with warmth and he turns away from his desk to face his brother. 

Papyrus stood, scratching his chin and thinking quickly and quietly, making a shooing motion at his brother. Sans nods.

"aight then. can ya run by me what them heads got left to do?" 

You note the dodge but avoid commenting on it. 

"Nothing. Only to present it in a public manner once it's finished processing." 

"AHA!!" 

"y'got somethn Patpourri?" 

"Sans I Will 'Pat' You Into A Pastel! It's Paprika Right Now!" 

"k."

"Sans..." 

"k." 

Your lips twitch upward for a moment as Papyrus lets loose a long suffered sigh and addresses you again. You were never sure how much of these interactions were an act but you were willing to bet the ratio leaned more towards real. A dangerous bet perhaps.

"ANYWAY, Before My _Partner_ Oh So _Rudely_ Interrupted Us-" 

Ah, he's been demoted to partner. Papyrus must actually be annoyed then. 

"I Was About To Detail My **Spectacular** Challenge For Your Leaders!" 

"Oh, do tell." You say, your sarcasm slight.

"Why Of Course!" 

Your sarcasm is ignored. There's the sound of something unfurling and a set of clicks that seem strangely familiar. Wait is he setting up a clipboard? That you can't see? Seriously? 

"Well Firstly The Exchange Will Probably Be Like This, Yes?" 

There's a notification with a picture attached. The picture is of Papyrus in a Potter-esque teaching robe with a rod indicating the scene on the whiteboard beside: two stick figures(the bigger one with horns must be Asgore) in a handshake with lots of little clapping figures below them.

"-No way." Whispers your dep head when he catches a glimpse from the screen share. 

These boys are really something else. You wonder how Undyne would have reacted as you continue with your conversation. Probably with a facepalm. 

"Most likely." 

"MARVELLOUS!" 

Another notification. Papyrus with his hands clasped and happy faced. 

"The Task Is For Them To Hold An Arm Wrestling Match."

Oh Undyne would've perked right up at that.

Notification: Close up of two arms locked together with manga style action marks around them.

"The CHALLENGE Is To END IT IN A DRAW!!" 

Two notifications come through in quick succession. The first is a close up of the arms with a yin yang symbol above it wearing a crown. The second is a lil sticky note with a very familiar wrinkly villain holding a stick with the tagline;

"Prfctly Blncd, s ll thngs shd b."

You kinda hate that you already know what that means. You disguise the traitorous giggle coming up from your belly as an unimpressed huff. 

"Sans, What Did You Just Send?" 

"jus som'thn _t'Marvel_ at Papri." 

The second giggle is silenced before it even becomes a breath. 

"Marvel Huh? Like From The Movie INFINITY WAR!?!" 

Papyrus laughs triumphant.

"DO NOT THINK ME SO EASILY FOOLED BROTHER! **NYEH HEH HEH**!" 

"yeah bro. I kno y'got that _Infinite_ knowledge!" 

You can't help the tiny little snerk that squeezes it's way past your defenses during Papyrus' "**NYEH**!" of outrage.

"There Are Only Two Rules!" 

Is he in denial now you wonder.

"One, They Cannot Simply 'Let Go' Of Each Other. And Sans Don't You DARE-"

"_icy_ what you mean but I can't just _let it go."_

"..."

Your cue to laugh couldn't be more obvious and by god were you fighting it. There's some stomping, probably Papyrus, and loud rifling through a drawer.

"AHA!" 

"what'dya find?" Goes Sans far too amused voice.

"_THIS_." 

The sound of tape unrolling. Oh. Oh no. 

"now, now, bro- hey! pap! **wai-!**" 

Sans' nervous voice cuts off with the sound of something being wrapped up. Everyone's shoulders are shaking in repressed laughter.

"Now, that that's dealt with-"

"Yeah?" Your voices shakes from the mostly silenced giggles. 

"-THE SECOND RULE! It Must Be Executed With Flair! POMP! PIZZAZZ!" 

"What?" 

"The Arm Wrestle! I Want To Be AMAZED! ENTERTAINED!" 

Sans muffled voice comes through, intoning the all too obvious line through a series of hmms.

_"hm hm hm hmmhmmhmmmmmm?" _

"And what would count as you- _entertained_?" 

You drawl on the last word, hinting at your understanding and ignore the happy hum your Soul makes when his muffled snickers come through the speaker.

"Something That Makes Everyone Happy! That Makes People **Remember** The Wonderful Occasion! For The **RIGHT** Reasons."

That would be quite nice. Good for press and good for people. Not that the show runners liked that. But anyway you look to your dep head for confirmation and he nods briskly. 

"Alright, I'll pass the message onwards."

"I Do Believe We Are Done For The Moment Then!" 

There's the sound of something tearing.

"I'm Only Releasing You To Say Goodbye. _Behave_." 

You channel your snickers into the young tech covering his mouth.

"Welp guess Goodbye?" 

"No Guessing Sans, I Have Limited Patience For Your Nonsense Right Now."

"lol ok."

"_g'bye_, ✡/☠" 

You both freeze, the effect of hearing your name in magic tearing into your unprepared selves. Your Soul almost literally sings for an ethereal joy you have no idea how to process, shivering slightly as heat blazes a trail through your body. You are very, very glad there are no monsters in the room.

On the other end Papyrus watches his brother lockup and his eyes shrink to pinpricks. Going by the sudden silence on the other end of the phone he assumes you were going through something similar. He had read up on soulmates and knew very well that a soulmate was something closer to a high compatibility couple and he also knew that his brother had probably, accidentally, just spoken the language of souls to his little crush. Tsk, tsk, trust him to bypass all the rules of dating. 

<strike> In a certain nowhere a certain no one is facepalming. "Of All The- Stars DAMMIT Sans!" </strike>

"Yes**, GOODBYE DETECTIVE Y/N! Once Again CALL THIS NUMBER AT 8pm IN THREE DAYS!" **

The call cuts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ain't a soulmate au but... Marvel references? In my fic? Extremely likely. I have not watched Infinity War still :D


	14. ...And Some Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sans gets a talking to  
You catch an explanation  
It's kinda embarrassing...
> 
> Papyrus and Anita are your guest professors for today TAKE NOTES :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM ALIVE. Dw ya'll I'm still going strong >:D The Rock/Glowstone however has managed to squeeze it's way into a mini arc tho so I hope you're enjoying it all lol.

"We Need To Talk." 

It's the day after that awkward call and Papyrus has gotten most of their prep for the next update done already. Sans yawns loudly, stretching and sitting up from his napping position on the couch.

"what about bro?" 

Sans can fool most with his relaxed behaviour but not The Great Papyrus. 

"Last Night's Call. What Was That _Last Bit_ About?" 

"oh were you _check-_ing me out?" Sans asks nervously. 

His soul had a field day yesterday, being extra ridiculous every time you spoke and going straight up weird at the end there. Not that the whole thing wasn't super weird anyway.

"No I did not Check You Sans." Papyrus sighs. 

"I DID However Feel Your Soul STUTTER At The End There. When You Spoke Her Name In That Strange Language Of Yours."

Sans chuckles and scratches the back of his head. 

"well ain't that sm'thn." 

"It Certainly Is...When Did You Learn Her _Soul Name_?" 

Sans' eyes blink out with of shock and he locks up, the gravity of the situation hitting him like a truck. 

_"Oh. Oh my stars that was her Soul name! Holy Shit That Was Her **SOUL NAME**?!?!"_

Ah, Papyrus can practically see the thoughts whizzing through his brother's skull as he flushes a brilliant blue. A rarity in retrospect.  
  
A quick lesson for all you new to souls out there who already know the basic about magic and monsters!

When two souls love each other very much, and they have usually built a solid relationship over time, there comes a time when they wish to connect much deeper. Not _Soul Bonding_. That's far too intense. No this is simply Soul to Soul communication. Via being exposed to the various aspects of each other, personality, magic and otherwise, a soul can compile together what we call a **Soul Name**.   
A Soul Name is a vocal representation of everything the souls love about each other. Only the souls in the relationship(since they can be more than two) are aware of when it is spoken. While it tends to be each other's usual name spoken normally but...take that feeling when your crush calls out to you for example. Now take that feeling and combine it with the first time they kiss you, the first time you bed one another and when they call your name name on your wedding day and on the last day of your honeymoon. It's quite something. Usually something to celebrate as Souls that are able to commune at this level are soon ready to bond. 

But Papyrus! You say, Their relationship isn't like that yet!

You would be very very right! But also a little wrong!  
Let me explain:   
These two have very, very high compatibility! When we fight I often peek over my shoulder to see them dancing around each other, the detective somehow keeping near perfect track of Sans despite my best low visibility smoke screening. She even managed to tackle him to the ground once and I certainly had a shock when I saw their Souls resonate for a split second before I made my getaway. Despite the unhealthiness of it their relationship is surprisingly healthy considering their... legal... positions. I am also to blame for allowing his little "getting caught specifically here" escapades which exposed them to each other, despite the detective's _excellent_ poker faces.  
Well look at me rambling. I'm supposed to be chastising this fool for not only using her Soul Name but using it in a professional situation which could have potentially gotten her in big trouble. Which is_ exactly_ what I do for the next two hours. Time flies as they say! 

"You Never Did Answer My Initial Question."

"wut?" 

"When Did You Learn It?" 

"i-"

It's a strange relief to see my brother so emotive, fondness and embarrassment flushing him an adorable blue. 

"-i don't know...?" 

The question gives me pause and I see the strange wistful expression he's had for the past few days. After a night with no night terrors or mares <strike>another rarity unfortunately,</strike> Sans had been even more sluggish than usual. Or perhaps _sluggish_ wasn't the right word... He came down later than usual, slow steps and half alert eye lights unfocused. I caught him with a wide eyed dreamy gaze multiple times. Sometimes confused, some mildly disconcerted. I wasn't sure what to make of it at back then. 

"YOU DON'T KNOW?"

"no..?"

"So What? You Just- **DREAMT** It Up?" 

I was mostly saying such in jest but the recognition in his eyes was a surprise. Huh...

"mmmmaaayybe?" 

_"REALLY?"_

"look i can keep giving ya questions or we can actually drop this and get to work?"

The blatant diversion is frustratingly reasonable; I do much prefer to get our schedule going as it has fallen several hours behind thanks to him. The look on his face is one of minor annoyance now, a little more in keeping with his usual expressions. But do not think I missed that flash of irritation! I'm letting it pass as I've had that same feeling as when I try to remember some things. Like what Sans first official job was...   
Regardless!

"...FINE. BUT YOU ARE DOING SOME PHYSICAL LABOUR!" 

"k" 

"Non Magic, Physical Labour."

"whaaaat? bro we're made uh'magic I can't exactly not." 

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!" 

A smug grin is all the answer I get. Oh this insufferable brother of mine. Detective Y/n will certainly have her hands full.

***

Y:[I need to talk to you for a bit.]

You text Anita the next day, having had enough time to personally go over and document everything that had happened. In your official notes you leave out the magic use as much as possible and instead go into great detail about that in your personal notes. Every time you try to doodle that last crucial word however you find yourself trembling and your drawing hand shaking terribly. You knew that it wasn't fear at least but you couldn't <strike>admit</strike> figure it out and it peeved you to no end. Since it's magical speech you might as well ask a monster for assistance before you end up making a fool of yourself. 

A:[Aight but the hot drinks are on you! ;P]

You grumble at your screen before sending a quick "k" and returning to work. You didn't have much backlog so you end up having even more time to review that phone call. Over and over those last words play, each time making your heart beat a little faster.

** "g'bye, ✡/☠."  **

Your Soul throbs with a desire you have no name for, the pulse noticeable even to you(as a human), and you fight a confusing battle to calm it and straighten your expression. Hopefully Anita can actually clear things up. 

*

Your tea break arrives and you let Anita drag you to the nearby cafe that was going to make a nice big dent in your wallet in exchange for the sweetest hot chocolate you've ever seen along with your usual mocha-ccino and a few choice pastries. You use the same booth you had with Undyne as it's still pretty convenient in terms of privacy. 

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Anita says, sipping on her sugarush in a cup.

It's now you realise how weird it would be to say:_ "Oh remember Sans? Well he said what I'm pretty sure is my name but like weirdly and now my Soul is freaking out?"_ So you change tactics. 

"I'm part of this human group on Discord and we talk about Monster n Human stuff and one of them had a weird situation they couldn't figure out..."

Anita squints at you suspiciously. You sip at your drink to avoid doing any nervous ticks. It wasn't a total lie per say, you did actually have a group like that...It had monsters in it though. 

"Really now...."

"Yup!"

"Alright, spill then."

Anita grins, nibbling a croissant. 

"Ok, so...They have this_...friend_. A monster friend. And they have a strange friendship but it seems strong?"

"Strange how?" 

You scramble to answer.

"Well,-they-they like to....To Spar! Yeah! They spar together in their private time so they're very physical with each other." 

You hope she can't smell your weak bs. 

"Uh huh." 

You really, really do. 

"So anyway. Like, one day they're talking with their friend on the phone and the friend calls their name and that makes them feel super weird and awkward for some reason?" 

"Lol, really?" 

"Yup! Also sidenote their friend tends to slip into magic speak cuz they were raised around non vocal monsters." 

You don't like the small smirk Anita holds as she digests your babble. You almost vocalise your relief when her expression changes to something more thoughtful.

"Can you expand on weird feeling? What exactly did it make your friend feel?"

You think back on it, letting the memory fill you.

"Well, first of all their heart went into overdrive, and they froze up. It felt like their Soul was about to do _something weird_. And then it felt really, _really Happy_? And super _warm_ all over? Like, I don't know, their Soul had won some kind of lottery millions? But in their head they were just _confused_ as to where all this excitement was coming from and they had no idea how to express it or even if they should because it was just that _overwhelming_??"

"Hmm..." 

You snap back up to her, not having noticed your gaze had fallen. You hope again that she hadn't been watching you too closely if just thinking about it could distract you so much.

"Well I've got a theory but I'm going to need you to confirm a few things."

"Sure, sure, anything." 

That gets you another smirk.

"So your friend and their friend are quite close right?"

"From what I've heard-"

"And they speak in Magic often? Even with your friend?" 

"As a habit."

"Is it as magic in general or a Magic Language?" 

"Probably Language." 

"Well then pass my congratulations on to them! That was their **Soul Name** they spoke." 

"Soul Name?" 

"Yup! I'm surprised you haven't heard of it...buuuut then again you don't really date so can't blame ya~" 

You frown and take a playful swipe at her long ears which she easily dodges, snickering the whole time. 

"Despite this info being public it's not really talked about so only people in relationships with monsters tend to find out. Essentially when we've had a relationship with another person, monster or human, platonic or otherwise, and we trust and love each other deeply-" 

"-Wait is this a bird's and bees conversation?" You interrupt.

Anita blinks and laughs at the mock horror on your face. 

"I guess you could say that- shush, I'm getting to the important bit!" 

She covers your protesting mouth with a hand and only pulls away when you squint and nod, your frowning brows remaining even after the fact. She giggles some more.

"And yeah, when there's lots of love and trust and all that great relationship stuff our Souls take the whole of their impressions of it and compress it into a word, often the others name, hence _Soul Name._"

"Makes sense..."

"Yup. And the best part is that every time it's used its like saying_ 'I love you and everything about you'_ in like a million different ways."

Anita gets a dreamy smile on her face as she <strike>waxes poetic</strike> elaborates more.

"I love the moment before you smile as your eyes light up, I love the way you hug me, I love the way your right ear twitches when you're annoyed, I love it when I surprise you and _you tackle me to the ground_-" 

"-Wait..." 

"**AH**\- I mean- I mean all of that kinda stuff is all blended together into the Soul Name and the other can feel the full effects of it every time it is spoken." 

You can tell Anita is blushing behind her fur but if you call her out on it she'll probably return the favour and boy are you not ready for that conversation.

"Very romantic." You say.

"It can be." Anita responds, nodding along.

"But it also be platonic?"

"Yup. The most common form of that being between kids and their adoptive parents. The second being between friends. There are even situations where it happens over a group of friends and the word ends up being something like a team name like 'Bro Squad' or 'Big Bang Besties'. It can get pretty ridiculous but still mean the world to those involved." 

"Wow, that's really something huh?" 

Anita giggles.

"Yup! So who's the lucky monster that's got you up in a tizzy?" 

You choke on your mocha, barely managing to hold back a spray of hot liquid from the table. You wish you had though, what with Anita's smug grin. 

"No One. I just told you-" 

"-it's for your Discord friend? I know, I know...however your Soul's aura started putting up a rather suspicious light show when you were describing it." 

Anita's smile grows even more smug as your cheeks fill with a different kind of heat and you know your face scrunches up. You've lost the battle here.

"What'dya mean_ 'light show'_?"

"Well....very warm and soft and inviting like the sun on the beach."

"Pfft doesn't that kinda sun roast people?" 

"Oh by Asgore, really? Anyway hush I'm getting to the rest."

You roll your eyes but listen.

"The sun on the beach when it's a little cool, and all it wants to do is caress and warm everything up, people included." 

The heat in your cheeks(visible or not) increases for two reasons. One being that's the sweetest way someone has ever described you and two being the flash of a memory of a smile from someone who's smiling softly over you, both of you basking in each other's presence. You do _not_ want to admit that that gentle face looks very much like Sans'. 

You and Anita sit in a somewhat embarrassed silence after that, nibbling away at the remaining treats before you, not one to want to bask in awkward silence for very long, speak up.

"That's really sweet and all but what about _'love it when you tackle me to the ground?_'" 

It's Anita's turn to splutter about, ears going ramrod straight before slowly lowering as she blushes.

"Theresnothingtothat."

She mumbles but you aren't having it. Retribution babes! 

"Really now...I could of sworn I watched you go all gooey right then. Describing anyone specific? Bf? Gf? At me with the **Facts** Anita!" 

You waggle your eyebrows at her and laugh as she bats at you. 

"Oh hush! We were talking about you just a moment ago?" 

"Yeah but you being in an established relationship that I don't know about is far more interesting."

"Same to you! In fact~" 

Anita's smile becomes devious. You don't like it one bit.

"I can make an educated guess on who your lucky one is~"

"Oh don't you **Dare**."

Anita's college minor was in marital relationships and her good eye for pairings could make things a little bit too interesting for you right now.

"**Dare**? Why I certainly will now!" 

"If you start I'll out your relationship status to John." 

Anita dramatically gasps in horror. If John caught wind of anything it would be common knowledge by the end of tomorrow. 

"_You wouldn't_."

"Would you like to try me?" 

You and Anita grin aggressively at each other, fictional hackles seeming to rise for a few tense seconds before mutually bursting into laughter.


	15. With A Final Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Final Call goes smoothly...with 1 meme because I'm like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More characters 8D Enjoy :3

All too soon the day for the third call arrives. Third time's the charm certainly applies as you have nothing but good news to give the troublesome skeleton duo. 

There had been a conference call between your team, Asgore's team and the mayor's team to address the situation. Your dep head, his secretary and you were the representatives and Undyne was behind Asgore. You don't take it personally when she doesn't acknowledge you. The mayor has his secretary too, or at least you guess as much. You relayed Papyrus' message and as expected Undyne really does perk at the mention of an arm wrestles but practically snarls when you tell them it had to end in a draw.   
The brainstorming lasts a while and when the disagreements start to get a little heated you finally speak up. 

"If I may suggest something?" 

Partially ignoring the glare the dep head is sending you, you smile at your audience.

"Sure Miss y/n! Do you mind Donald?" 

"Not really. Out with it officer."

Having both the King of Monsters and the Mayor addressing you is a little nerve wracking but nothing you can't handle. You do have to clear your throat a little though.

"How about slipping into a handshake-"

"We've already been over that it's too simple!"

"-No not just any handshake. A really cool one, like the type you'd see online or in movies." 

"That just sounds childish now-"

"-Yes, I get that but this is the _Skeleton duo_ we are talking about. We've been trying to catch them for years now and I've _seen_ the kinds of things that seem to appeal to him!" 

You are getting raised eyebrows from everyone except the King. He looks strangely thoughtful. 

"Could you perhaps give us some kind of demonstration?" 

_Oop-_ Welp! Time to scramble your brain for ideas!

"Uuh Sure! Could you help?" 

You ask the secretary; the dep head's brows couldn't rise much higher so he probably wouldn't have taken this seriously.   
You take a breath and quickly map out what you want to do, walking off screen to grab you both chairs.

*Hands together   
Slip to a double finger lock   
Twists hands backwards against each other  
Flex and intertwine lock all fingers together   
Twist and pull out into a fist bump  
Use fingers to form the shape of a monster soul   
Rotate till it forms a human soul   
Release and high five*

Undyne in particular is staring hard at your hands when you finish. You'll probably have to come up with one for her when you next meet then. The secretary seems just as surprised as the others and you both grin at each other before schooling your faces into something more neutral. 

"Something like that, and you can be far more elaborate with it and it involve more people to whatever degree or discretion you will have available to you." 

King Asgore's smile seems convinced and accepting and while Mayor Devonnie still looks sceptical you have high hopes. Excluding the minor embarrassment of course.

"I believe appealing to that fun loving side of them; within or even despite seriousness, is the best way to go." You announce with a confidence you don't fully have. 

"Can you guarantee this Detective Y/n?" Asks the Mayor, eyes piercing into yours. 

"No, but it's the best idea we've got." You say, holding his gaze almost defiantly.

A few beats of intense silence and stare holding pass before before he breaks out into laughter, the sound peaking and crackling up the audio quality for a bit.

"I'll take y- up on that thn! Asgore?" 

King Asgore chuckles and nods.

"Yes, I am in full agreement. Do you mind if you were to be called in for another demonstration to use as a template?" 

"Yes! Yes of course, Sir!-" 

You cringe slightly. You had forgotten to use his proper title. Mayor Devonnie laughs even harder. 

"Then I believe everything is settled for now then." 

You cringe again at the quiet strain in the dep head's voice. You had also basically taken over the call...did he feel undermined? Oops. 

"Yes, I do believe it is." King Asgore agrees.

"But first I must ask this: Do pray tell, young detective, what will you report back to them?" Mayor Devonnie drawls, grinning darkly. 

"The minimum. They have been known to enjoy surprises." You say, matching his grin for a moment. 

***  
The dep head had been salty ever since and your email work had suspiciously increased with a lot of menial stuff. Oh well. You would just have to do it later since your next and hopefully final call was coming up shortly~! 

At this point however you notice a deadly detail you seem to have missed: **The Date**. You didn't have a time frame to give them. You whisper such to Anita, who was accompanying you this time since the dep head <strike>was still sulking</strike> had more important matters to deal with other than listening in to a call.

"Just make something up it'll be fine!" Anita hisses as you walk into the interrogation room. 

You send her a shocked stare as you sit and sigh before starting the call. A little worry wasn't about to make you late thank you very much.

"AH! DETECTIVE Y/N! ON TIME AS USUAL!" 

It vaguely annoys you that he's already talking as if this is a regular thing. Not that it didn't happen though. You were either just in time to watch the two instigators slip out of sight or just in time for when they start doing a show...but not normally in time to catch them, Papyrus in par-fricking-ticular. You can't count the number of times you've caught him 'cause guess what? _You Haven't!_

"Papyrus." 

"Oh My Dear, How Many Times Must I Tell That It Is _Papulski_?" 

You don't respond to respond to that, Anita's raised brow doing the talking for you. 

"No Matter! What News Have You For Me? What Response Did Your Superiors Have?" 

"yeah, what wares have you for us khajiit?" 

"-Sans-"

"-Depends. Do you have coin?" 

There's a silence that makes you want to slap your hands over your face. You hadn't missed a _damn beat_ before responding. Anita is looking at you rather suspiciously and you quickly try to calm whatever the hell that was. You don't complete criminal memes! Even if you knew them! Ya'silly! Maybe you were feeling lax since your superior wasn't in the room. Yeah...

"not many, but perhaps we can _strike_ a deal?" 

"-SANS!" Papyrus complains, a loud thump that was probably him slapping a surface and unintentionally completing the hidden pun.

"heh. sorry paps. we probably shudn't _stomp_ around the subject." 

You pinch the bridge of your nose to keep from smiling as Papyrus let's out a loud sound of frustration. Anita, having no such need for control, snickers silently.

"It Is Tip toe And **DO NOT** Test Me Because_ I HAVE THE TAPE!_" 

You can almost hear Sans struggle to contain himself, probably having come up with something just then. 

"_H-heh- k._" 

His voice is crackling with barely held back laughter and it sends a beat of warmth into your core...which you suppress because damn <strike>Anita is here</strike> you don't have time for weird Soul shenanigans! (<strike>And cute skeletons)</strike>

"**ANYWAYS! DETECTIVE Y/N YOU WERE ABOUT TO _CONTINUE_?**" 

You pull away from the speaker for a moment before actually continuing.

"My superiors have accepted your..._challenge_, as it were and have decided to proceed with it."

"OH HOW _DELIGHTFUL_! Did They Tell You How? When?" 

"I have not been privy to such details but I can contact you when the date is finalized." 

On his side of the call Papyrus grins a little wider. A mystery huh? _Interesting_.

"Yes, Perhaps A Simple Text May Do Then." 

You're surprised but thankful that he doesn't request another call. Could they be planning something else? You shoot Anita a questioning look but she simply shrugs and nods, saying to just go with it.

"That can be arranged."

"_EXCELLENTÉ_! THIS IS JUST WONDERFUL! ISN'T IT BROTHER?" 

"that it is, Pap."

"IN FACT, IN HONOR OF THIS FANTASTIC NEWS I WILL ALLOW YOU TO END THE CALL JUST THIS ONCE!" 

"aw, shucks bro. y'don have to-" 

"-NONSENSE! GO ON NOW." 

"thx pap you're the best." Sans says, a smile in his voice.

_**"I KNOW!**_" Papyrus proudly huffs in return.

You deny yourself the soft mushy feeling that tries to come because of <strike>how sweet he sounds</strike> course this guy was acting it up, all criminals did. But you've heard him talk like this before and it screamed genuine then as much as it did now.

"so, Papulski?" 

"Yes, Sans?" 

"You know how you said you have tape right?"

Ah. You can hear that giggly tone again. Or were you just imagining it?

"_Yes_?"

Papyrus' cautious reply confirms that you were not imagining it. Oh boy.

"But- But Papulski-" 

You can practically see his grin growing wider as he delivers his line.

_"-Do you have coin?" _

_**No!** _No, he did **_not!_** Your shoulders are already starting to shake as it takes both Anita and Papyrus a split second more to get it. 

** _"OH MY GO-" _ **

The call cuts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never played Skyrim :)


	16. And a Pinch of Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Awks before you head to the Embassy  
Awks as you head to the Embassy  
Awks at the Embassy  
Etc.  
Alternatively  
Papyrus noogies his bro the munchkin  
You go to Asgore's place...and meet with Undyne :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Live Again! And so do you 8) I usually write at least half a chapter ahead but the Next chapter is being a baby and refusing to finish. For now enjoy more Undyne :3
> 
> The Dead sea is a sea so salty you can float on it :D

"GODS YOU ARE **INSUFFERABLE**!" 

Papyrus has managed to catch and is giving noogies to a wheezing Sans, who'd been laughing so hard he'd forgotten to dodge out of the way. 

*

Meanwhile back the station you're also cackling pretty hard and Anita has covered her face with both hands.

"I can't believe you two." Comes out muffled and you laugh even harder, unsure of why.

*******

Across town in a large office with wall length windows and sizeable furnishings, the slight sweet smell of flowers and tea permeates the air.

"So, how was she?"

The clink of china follows the inquiry.

"You mean Detective Y/n my Lord?" 

"Yes." Comes the deep reply.

"She is strong for a human. Wicked sharp too. No LV tho." 

"Good. Keep going."

They nod before continuing. 

"Dr Alphys' praise of her wasn't unfounded. She seems to adore the monsters around her and has learnt a lot from them." 

They smile slightly, remembering your challenging grins and general feisty-ness. 

"However she may have some mage blood in her." 

Their smile falls.

"What makes you say that?" Asks the deep voice.

"When first met she actively interfered with a precursory Check and showed signs of knowing how to suppress her natural Soul aura as well as fairly advanced knowledge of the use of **Intent.** Her main weapon features a pseudo plastic knife personally co designed with Alphys that can deal damage according to the intent placed into the weapon."

"Co-designed?" 

"Yes. There was that competition some time ago where the members of the police force could send in their individual designs to Dr Alphys' group and the winner would not only have their product made but also a personal creation of their choice."

"Oh! So she was the one to think up that body armour?" 

"Yes, My Lord."

_"Interesting._ How effective is this weapon?" 

"The knife, My Lord, appears to be a grey plastic knife that can deal no higher than 15 damage with Intent**.** I confirmed such with the doctor. The Intent increases the weight enough for a trained fighter to knock a standard human out." 

"Really, now?" 

The question seems rhetorical so they keep quiet.

"Tell me, do you believe she is a threat to monsterkind?" 

The silenced is weighted.

"No." 

**"Good."**

*******

You push open your house door with a groan and drag yourself inside, spotting your wrapped up dinner and forgoing it to flop onto the living space couch. 

The dep head was still a damn salt shaker full of salt, and all that email work had taken way longer than it should've. Now you were just exhausted. You still had to map out a handshake for your demonstration tomorrow at the King's place and...eat....and...

"This your new bedroom?" 

You groggily jolt up and blink at Sake, grumbling slightly before flopping back down into the semi soft cushions.

"Guess you don't want this food so I'll just-"

You scramble to defend your dinner. No one takes your dinner!

"Dis is mine! Shoo! 'fore I smack ya!" 

"はい, はい! わかります!" Sake drawls, moving past you to the fridge. 

He shakes his head at the suspicion in your sleepy eyes and heads back to his room. Tired you just isn't as fun as drunk you. Tired you liked to hoard but drunk you liked to share. Especially food. Hilarious if not the one caught in your clutches. You'd feed them till the alcohol knocked you out. 

As it were, tired you reverently unwrapped your meal; pie style crust-less steak chunks with fried rice; and popped it in microwave, racing upstairs to drop of your bag and bring down a notebook and pencil. Might as well get a draft done while you gobbled the delicious meal.

You try not to think about those last orders you received and instead smother it with the excitement of seeing Undyne again.

* 

That thought pays off and in the morning you are practically bouncing around the house. Sake groans about you being too noisy too early in the day and you blow him a raspberry. It's your turn to cook breakfast so you're frying up the eggs and baking the bacon. 

"I'm so jealous you get to see the King up close." Hannah whines.

You told them about seeing the King but not why. Faux pass perhaps but they were your best friends.

"All official business though." 

"But like you'll get to shake his fluffy paw though!"

She gasps suddenly.

"Chicka you have to tell me how that feels. Please! For science!" 

You laugh.

"Of course I'm gonna~" 

"Yuss!" 

Sake just rolls his eyes at your antics but you know he'd want to know too. 

*

After another quick brief at work with <strike>(captain salt)</strike> the dep head you are, surprisingly, sent off on your own to the Monster Embassy to meet with the King. Which might be a problem since you can't exactly practice your handshake on your own without looking insane on public transport. Oh well. 

You exit the train station and are about to walk to the bus stop when a black car beeps you. You jump at the sound and glare at the driver as they pull up beside you. A tired looking dog monster stares up at you.

"Miss Y/n?"

"Yes?" 

"Get in." 

You stiffen at his tone. The black patches covering his eyes and ears don't quite hide the slight bags under his eyes and he's dressed semi casual, top down shirt and dark jeans. The car is sleek and black but relatively nondescript with blacked out windows, probably with child-lock doors.   
The monster looks over to you, confused as to why you aren't in the car yet and flinches at your thunderous expression. It's only when he catches the glint of the police logo on your shirt that he realises what was happening.

"Oh sh-! Crap! Not like that! Nothing like that that, angels above!" 

"Like what?" You deadpan, eyes boring through him. 

Oh geez, of course he made their guest think he's trying to kidnap them. He fumbles with his glasses and pulls out his phone, rapidly unlocking it and speaking quickly.

"<strike>D-</strike>The King sent me to p-pick you up so you wouldn't have to take the bus see? Look it right there in my email!" 

He hands over his phone timidly and you take it, squinting suspiciously at the open email. You do vaguely remember seeing this in the email brief you'd been sent but your dead sea of a dep head hadn't bothered to go over it earlier. How can a man be so salty? To be fair you were basically taking the lead over him for the whole thing at this point. You scroll a bit and accidentally open another email of..questionable origin. Huh. You didn't know monsters were active in _that_ industry. Not your place to judge though. 

"Alright." 

You reopen the previous email and get into the car, handing back over the phone. He fumbles a bit before adjusting his glasses and then driving off. The drive is quiet for a time.

"Sorry about that."

You send him a raised eyebrow.

"We don't get guests too often so I was just doing my usual." 

A strange usual but perhaps that would be mean to point out. 

"Name's Doggo by the way. I do a lotta driving." 

He nervously snuffs with lowered ears and something about that puts your nerves at ease. Your guard doesn't drop but you actually relax a little in the nice car. 

"I can see that." 

You toss him a half smile and his ears perk up at your words. Cute. The remainder of the ride is quiet but a lot more comfortable than before. He pulls up to a very elegant looking building, the royal rune carved beautifully into the white marble arch above two large and heavy looking double doors.

"Here we are!" Doggo announces. 

"Wow." Slips out of you as you stare up at the elegant building. 

"Yeah, I know right? Sorry again about that whole shebang earlier, I'm just awkward with speaking and stuff sorry." 

He scratches his chin with a claw as he mumbles, cheeks colouring. You grin a genuine grin at him, reaching over to give a strange crossover combination of noogie, ruffle and pet to his head.

"Well next time you know to be a bit more polite!" 

He doesn't respond, eyes wide and shocked as you exit the car, shutting the door behind you. It's only when your feet hit the pavement that your brain catches up to scream about how weird what you just did was. <strike>Your instincts shrugged.</strike>

You spin around, thinking to apologise but Doggo has already driven round the bend. Ah, after you'd just told him off too. Oops.   
You start the journey up the few stairs to the massive, beautiful, dark oak double doors, noting that the swirling gold in its borders actually seems to be writing of some kind and before you can attempt a reading you jump when a loud and familiar car horn sounds out. 

Doggo has driven back round the bend and is leaning his head out the window with what can only be described as an extremely happy-

**8V **

-face. You laugh joyously and wave to the happy monster till he disappears round the bend again, practically skipping the last step to the door. There a plaque above the handle that says Push so you do, feeling a _jolt_ of what you'd normally think was static.

"Magic? Maybe some kind of sensor..." 

You muse as the door swings open easily, despite its size. A sunlight hall out of a hotel greets you and you walk up to the front desk, a hand-head monster in a feminine outfit waving at you in another greeting as you wave back, a big smile on your face. 

"Oh you must be Miss Y/n S/n. Take a seat and I'll call Undyne down to pick you up." 

You're only a little surprised that she already knows who you are. But then again there probably weren't many humans that would visit and she obviously could've been told in advance. <strike>(In less than 24 hours?) </strike>

You nod your assent and shoot her a thumbs up <strike>(wait, would that count as racist crap-)</strike> and she returns the gesture with her head, giggling as you blush and take a seat. (Now why do you keep being awkward today huh? You've gotta get yourself together before you see King Asgore!) 

There's a fair amount of things to admire here, despite the hotel lobby vibes. Large windows edged in white stained wood with a similar gold inscription winding in pretty patterns. There are also hanging baskets filled with some of the most beautiful golden flowers you've ever seen and between the windows on little side tables in the shade sat slender vases with adorable blue to blue violet flowers sat in pairs or threes. Going by the slight glow they seem to have when the sky goes cloudy you can assume they are probably from the Underground but you can't remember the name of them at the moment. 

**"DETECTIVE Y/N!" **

You yank your head in the direction of a very familiar voice, a massive grin growing on your face.

"Major Undyne!"

You laugh as you are suddenly lifted in a crushing fish hug and raised into the air before being plopped back down, your formerly neat hair a little in your face. You do your best to push it back into order as you grin up at your <strike>new friend</strike> recent colleague. 

Undyne grins right back, terrifyingly wider as was her style. She seems to remember her position after a moment and gives you a straight face and a soldier's salute.

"**DETECTIVE Y/N!** I AM HERE TO ESCORT YOU TO YOUR MEETING WITH KING ASGORE!" 

You decrease your grin to a slight smile and send her a monster's salute, courtesy of Hinni; _legs together and a slight bow with the left hand at chest level in the shape of a 45 degree angle and right hand in a fist behind the back. _

Undyne official demeanour almost cracks again as her eyes widen. She returns the salute and you both smile at each other before you follow her down the left hall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see we are friends with the fish lady but not quite besties...yet >:3 
> 
> Google translate Japanese (in this context)= "Yeah, yeah! I get it!"   
my apologies to anyone who can read it cuz I don't speak it XD


	17. And a Bit Of Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title is only slightly misleading...you do practice...eventually :)  
Face to face with The King of Monsters though :o

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bs science/magic tag is at work! Passively. I am alive btw. This chapter(and the next one) are just fighting me...alongside my other projects XD  
This chapter was written Before the George Floyd incident so there's a casual mention of police brutality. Look for the ~~~  
Remember, Reader is part of the police force. (Think the CSI shows mixed with B99...which I haven't watched but the memes 8))  
Asgore treds a few privacy lines to try and figure out what kind of officer you are.

** _Ding._ **

"So..." You began, unsure of what to say as the elevator rises.

A stiff, work mode Undyne had not been something you expected but you suppose you probably should have anticipated it and accordingly matched it but honestly? All you wanted to do was have a chat.

You weren't good with awkward silences.

*

On the other side of the cameras in the corners of your elevator a monster watches closely, noting any and all changes.

Detective Y/n S/n   
Soul Aura Stats   
20% Nervous   
60% Happiness mixed with Excitement   
20% Mixed 

Entry 3: Conclusion, wishes to engage in casual conversation. Friendly.

The monster smiles at your failing attempts and notes how Undyne actually seems to struggle a bit with not responding in kind to your questions. 

Entry 4: Ambient Aura. Possible Passive effect caused by a strong Soul's desire to connect. Might be similar trait type to Miss Undyne.

You stop trying to engage after a bit and seem to straighten your posture and move to stand beside Undyne, the two of you melting into silence again.

Soul Aura Stats   
5% Sadness   
15% Nervous   
35% Happiness   
20% Calm and Focused   
25% Mixed 

Entry 5: Ambient Aura has matched Undyne, creating a joint Professional/Official Companionship Style Aura. 

Personal note: _She's so cool!_ I hope <strike>Asgore/Don As</strike>/King Asgore likes her! I like how naturally she matches up with the monsters around her! I hope it feels nice to Undyne! 

*

"So will it just be us and the King or will there be others?" You ask.

"Just us." Comes the gruff answer. 

"That's good, we can practice together then."

"We?" Undyne shoots you a raised eyebrow.

"Yup. You didn't think I'd demonstrate a handshake by myself did you?" You say with a smirk.

Undyne blinks and finally cracks another grin, rueful and amused. 

"Fair enough." 

*  
You relapse into a another bout of silence as you both practically march down the brightly lit hall on the 3rd(??) floor. There had been a few more buttons on the elevator that first appeared from the outside. Maybe a basement? 

It doesn't last for long at least as you are quick to approach one of the standard doors that substantially bigger than the others. This must be King Asgore's office.   
<strike>You automatically block a gentle _Check_ from a member of staff you don't see and Undyne shoots a glare over your shoulder for a split second before she knocks.</strike>

"Yes?" 

How a voice both boom and be gentle you wonder; before Undyne responds with a stiff soldier's response.

"SIR! Captain Undyne REPORTING! Escortee Detective Y/n S/n for the meeting!" 

"Ah! Detective Y/n! Do come in my dear." 

The gentle has overtaken the boom...You wonder if that means anything as you step into the large office, a polite smile on your lips.

"Detective. It is _good_ to finally meet you."

His warm tone makes your smile a little brighter. The mountain named King smiles down at you, towering even higher than Undyne and dressed and a well fitted, white work shirt and striped black suit trousers and expensive looking black shoes.

"And the same to you King Asgore." 

Undyne simply salutes again. A thought comes to you and you look to her for permission, her eye flickering in confusion before sharpening in realisation. She gives you a curt nod. 

Together you simultaneously do a monster's salute. 

"My Lord." Says Undyne.

"Your Majesty." You say.

You rise to the King with an openly surprised expression on his soft face and a chuckle from his cheeks. He guides you to your seat in front of his very high desk table and you let your eyes flit around the room. 

Warm and inviting, homey. It almost feels like a home office but just for giants. (Which it kind of is? Is that rude?) From the bookshelves filled with colourful and sometimes mismatched books to the various trinkets scattered around with faded pictures and of course those golden flowers that seem to be part of the motif for the whole building. The blue flowers you only saw downstairs and there is only one pot here; on the far side of the desk away from the window. They must prefer the shade.

(But behind it all   
there's a sense of distance. A sort of disconnect and separation. Maybe its because you're so small in comparison.) 

As you start to sit you spot a another pot with a pair of the golden flowers on the other side of the desk, basking in the sunshine. Your brain does a silly and tries to focus on both at the same time, for a moment creating a sense of division; a dichotomy. A(n) (im)balance. You blink away the moment <strike>but not before they catch it</strike> and focus on King Asgore as he takes his seat. Undyne remains stiffly standing beside you.

You shake a hand and as soft as a silky cloud and internally squee at texture. However beneath that lies a **solid **hand and it gives a feeling of muscle and **power**. Again You blink the feeling away, smiling broadly before you pull back into a more professional polite state and both of you are sitting down. 

"While I would love to spend the afternoon seriously getting to know you we do have more serious issues to deal with."

You agree.

"However I would like to ask you some basic questions. Not many. They're only to confirm a few things." 

_"Isn't that the same thing?"_ You wonder. 

"Sure that's fine, your majesty." 

"-And please, call me Asgore. I only go by that _odd_ title in the public eye."

"Oh I couldn't! Let me at least call you sir-."

You were going to get in trouble again for your misuse of titles. You can already picture the dep head's glare...

"-No, no, I insist. Just Asgore. I much prefer it like this."

Well if he put it like that...

"Alright then, S- Asgore. Asgore it will be. You can call me only Y/n in that case." 

"Of course mi- I mean Y/n." 

Asgore chuckles sweetly and your smile becomes more open and bright once more. Monsters could be pretty sweet. 

"To start with, how long have you been on the force?" 

"Give or take 8 years." 

You grin wryly as they both balk.

"That's...a surprise, given your-" 

You raise a brow as he struggles to find an appropriate answer that didn't involve calling your baby face out. 

"-age?" 

You refrain from giggling. That wasn't much better.

"I joined the force fairly quickly. I know most young people tend to head to the army first but that just wasn't for me." 

~~~  
The force had so many issues wrong with it, many of them prevalent even now. You had joined to, rather naively, 'make a difference'. You then stayed to be a sign of hope. That nice officer who took only 2 points instead 5 to that 18 year old's new licence; that person who took a living situation into account when arresting a petty thief and made sure it was added to reduce the punishment; that person whose presence would help ensure that weapon less suspects didn't get shot first. Upon searching you were happy to find many with similar thoughts but usually never enough to gather together. Which connected nicely with his next question.  
~~~

"When did you join your current borough?" 

"In the later half of my fourth year." You smile proudly. 

You were definitely among the early number that welcomed Monsters as a whole and you had been excited to finally work with them. It had saddened you greatly to see a partial segregation between the monsters and the rest of the staff so as soon as you'd settled you began making friends of both, fully intent on 'accidentally' mixing them. There were blow ups and chastising all around but since you became the focus of attention/reprimand some even began to bond over making fun of you. This led to many a raspberry and prank war and the dep head clapping sharply, barking like you were rowdy children and before anyone realised you were suddenly all connected. 

"That was around the time that borough became properly 'mixed' right?" 

"Yes! I'd been really excited to finally work alongside other monster officers!" 

Asgore's brows rising makes you wonder if you'd said something rude. It was true though. When monsters had finally been allowed to join the force you had been really happy about it and even happier when they could finally move up positions properly. It was still rare to see them and after you got (<strike>dumped</strike>) _assigned_ to this borough to teach you some kind of lesson for your (<strike>justified</strike>) _rowdy_ behaviour you had been over the moon. While you and Hannah squealed like little girls as she congratulated you for your half (<strike>demotion</strike>) promotion, Sake had left the room grumbling about noise and nuisance but left you both hot mochas on the kitchen table.

Asgore smiles warmly and Undyne's lips quirk upwards you before straightening again. You catch this and it does the helpful thing of reminding you to, for lack of a better phrase, 'curb your enthusiasm'. You probably weren't representing your force very appropriately like this but the dep head isn't going to know...probably.   
You pull back slightly, smile tipping more to the side of calm and Asgore takes note of how your aura mimics this action. Time for a more serious question.

"Since you both work with and, at this point, have arrested monsters to some degree; How often would you say you FIGHT?" 

"Well-"

You blink, the actual question hitting you.

"-it's part of the training to practice FIGHT with the others so we know our way around Encounters..."

You consider your next words a little carefully.

"But as for on the field? Not very often. Encounters delay escaping after all."

"But then how do you get out of Encounters since they would obviously not want to Spare." Asgore asks, digging.

You wonder what he's searching for.

"Arrests involving monsters have monsters on the team. This way they can interrupt/join Encounters and use Ditch, allowing the surrounding team to catch the suspects before they flee."

Wouldn't the King have access to this kind of information? You're not sure how much you can actually say but you don't think you can tell him about the other way, which might just be specific to you and the two other humans who figured out how to use it.   
The method involves the Interrupting monster joining on your side almost as one of your Attacks and physically taking down the suspect. You and Anita love using this method. 

"Interesting. With such vast experience I'm sure you should know your _Soul Colour_ by now." 

...Wait...  
What? 

You- You don't just _ask_ for a Soul colour? You remember being drilled by everyone from your neighbours to Anita herself about the intimacy and privacy surrounding matters of the Soul outside of Encounters. Why would the King of Monsters <strike>ask/</strike>imply such an <strike>(intrusive</strike> <strike>rude)</strike> abrasive question? 

"I have seen it on occasion."

You don't elaborate further, your lips politely quirked up. Neither your surprise or confusion showed but your aura cooled noticeably. Asgore, thankfully, doesn't try to dig any further <strike>(but he doesn't apologise either)</strike> and instead simply nods and moves on to a question that makes your heart and Aura turn to Ice. 

"Considering the amount of incidences with monsters and other minorities, I'm afraid I must ask you a question that you may answer simply."

"Alright." 

You brace yourself.

"Can you recognise **Dust** on sight?" 

Your cooling aura drops so quickly Undyne twitches from a repressed shiver. Any semblance of a smile had vanished, in its place a carefully blank expression.

"Yes." You calmly answered.

Five times. The last being watching John holding desperately onto that bunny monster as she faded in his arms. You made him go to therapy after that. You think he still does. 

Asgore nods gravely, twiddling his thumbs and trying not to twitch under your icy look. It reminds him too much of Toriel when she was especially angry at him, the main difference being that her's was a glare while you simply stared. So he does what used to do: try to placate. Which he was good at with everyone except her.

"My apologies for the unpleasantness I simply had to confirm some things."

You simply half nod and give a non committal hum. It doesn't excuse the odd Soul colour 'suggestion' but at least you can boast that you made the King of Monsters look sheepish(hah). Which probably wouldn't be a great idea to tell anyone for a _ridiculous_ litany of reasons.

"Lest we forget, we are here for a more-" 

Asgore considers his words

"-Uplifting discussion."

Interesting save. 

"Shall we get on with it then?" You ask, your aura warming by increments.

"Let's." Comes Asgore's eager agreement. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Person A: Well I heard you did thing.  
Person B: Oh yes well thing went like this and was like that...
> 
> A was Not a question, but implied and therefore naturally answered. :)


	18. We were Ready.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the handshake. It's ya boys. It's gonna be cool 😎
> 
> *shoves in a bunch of references cuz I do be like that*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaAAAAI am BACK HAHA! I have dropped nothing! All my stories will continue but it's just taking me ages to focus and get my shit together cause is keeps spilling out of my hand like water XD 
> 
> Quick Panic Edit: No character, enemy to fellow coworker, is seriously harmed in this chapter. (Surprisingly :P) Straddling as in sitting on the back but it's not sexy and it's also not abusive.
> 
> You get a slightly longer chapter as thanks for your patience <3  
This chapter has legit flipped in the opposite direction I originally planned for it and I just got...stuck halfway. It's written now and I'm happy with how it came out I think XD 
> 
> Homebrew in this case stands for= haha i did this on my phone hahaha

You were in much higher spirits by the time you got back to the office, having gone through a few practice runs using Undyne as an example and then practicing with Asgore himself. His hands(paws?) were so divinely fluffy, Hannah would probably faint if she ever shook his hand.

Afterwards Undyne had seen you off and made you come up with your own "handshake" in the elevator. In quotation because there are several moments where you end up airborne but it's <strike>probably fine _and_</strike> really fun! A much calmer Doggo drove you back to the station and you ended up unable to resist his puppy eyes and gave him some proper petting before you got out the car. 

He had been surprised when you had tried apologising for that first time but told you not to worry since the other pack members _(like a wolf pack? that's kinda sweet)_ did the same to each other. Your heart did a funny and heated you up a bit when he complimented your hands and technique. You were extra thorough in your goodbye scritches and made sure to wait by the car until he calmed down again before letting him drive off.

On the train you sorted through the few notes you had made on your phone, extending a few to note down the rest of your observations. From the beauty of the building to the decor to the staff and everything in between. A quick google provided the name of the blue flowers; "Echo flowers". You hadn't been close enough to listen to them._ (Were they used as recording devices? Seems inefficient.)_  
The yellow flowers were buttercups.

As for the King? Asgore? You're not too sure what to make of him. He seems like a lovely guy but...those questions...It felt like he had been digging for something that you, thankfully, didn't have? From his perspective you were just another human stranger but one who dealt more directly with his people. Perhaps since you were in a prime position to abuse them<strike>(and boy, don't you know that)</strike> he was on guard and searching for signs of exactly that? 

Maybe you were overthinking the Soul statement..._(But had you been a bigot or an abuser you probably wouldn't have known to not boast about your Colour.)_ You just needed him to get to know you better. Right?

Anywho, you have a date. Two weeks on a Saturday afternoon, 2pm sharp. Family day. It wasn't an overly massive thing the boys had asked for but, though you hate to admit it, it was a nice step in the right direction. You couldn't wait to meet late teen (or equivalent) monsters grumbling about retail but looking pleased to get a head start making dents in their uni debts.

Make no mistake, if you get the chance those skeletons would still end up cuffed if you managed to hold them down all of five seconds. 

With that in mind you text the date and time to Papyrus and he responds promptly. Was he just waiting by the phone? 

_Now I'm waiting _  
_By the pho-o-one _  
_*doot doot*_

Ah great now [that](https://youtu.be/mbqTGUGkYt8?t=50) song is playing in your head.

P=EXCELLENT!

P=-w-)b

Emojis? You didn't he was the type. 

P=asdgjkkfhvSHSJ

P=...My Apologies. Sans Got The Phone For A Moment.

That explains it.

Y=Ok 

P=THE GLOWSTONE, OR RATHER **THE KING'S STONE** (SINCE THAT SOUNDS MUCH COOLER)

P=WILL BE RETURNED _DIRECTLY_ TO THE MUSEUM PROMPTLY AFTER THE EVENT IS COMPLETE. 

P="**THE GREAT PAPULSKI** WILL SEE TO IT." 

Y="How?" 

"THAT INFORMATION IS CLASSIFIED :)" 

Y="Is it really?"

P="I PREFER TO USE ANOTHER PROPER CLASSIC EMOJI TO ANSWER THAT:

P="YES ;)

P=_**"GOOD DAY TO YOU ALL!" **_

He stops messaging after that and you put the phone down, leisurely wandering over to the IT team and finding the head cursing under his breath and ruffling his hair. 

"So?" You ask, leaning against the door frame.

"They've blocked us." 

"How does a skeleton know so goddamn much about hacking?!?" Comes the exasperated cry from further in the room.

You withhold a chuckle and smirk. Those skeletons were a borough wide thorn in the ass. Cross department frustration. 

"Need me to bring you guys the phone?"

"Nah, we'll send someone else. Go do your report." 

"Kay" You wave as you leave and head straight to the dep head's office.

*  
"And I don't need to write anybody an apology letter?" 

"Nope." You pop the p, a cheeky grin on your face. 

The dep head isn't impressed<strike>(mostly)</strike>. 

"Well at least all the details are sorted...ish. Now how to retrieve the stone and arrest those skeletons..."

"-But sir! They said they would return it after!" 

He sends you a flat expression for your surprised act. You keep grinning. 

"While it is in the public sphere we've managed to suppress information surrounding the theft for a few more days so no one is panicking yet."

"I'm guessing the problem lies in whether they'll make a publicity stunt out of this." 

_"Precisely."_

The dep head sighs.

"It would mean horrible press coverage for everyone involved and we can not have that." 

"But considering this is a promise from Papyrus in particular there's a high possibility of it being the truth-" 

"But we also have no such word from the other." 

"True..." You frown slightly. It honestly wouldn't count for much even if you did. You wouldn't necessarily call the Brothers liars but- another but I know- they had this way with information...particularly Sans. It was very..._Spock-like_. A lot of _"I...implied :)"_ type moments when Sans led. With Papyrus it was just the truth...except always bigger/weirder/wilder than you could ever predict, like because you and your people "knew" what was about to happen he could slip past all your traps somehow. 

"So...double team?" 

"Yeah, double team... And stop reading my mind you pesky little brat." 

More grinning from your end. 

"Two separate teams. One for the museum and one for the square. The goal is to capture both suspects along with securing The King's Stone as timely and discreetly as possible with a minimal amount of damage." 

"I'm glad my little nickname has caught on."

The dep head sighs

"Don't get chuffed; the title is just for convenience." He says, squinting at your still chuffed grin.

"You will lead the square team and officer Anita will lead the museum team; reason being you are more suited to crowded situations where if they appeared at the museum speed, Anita's speciality, will be key." 

You nod, the second reason for that choice remaining unspoken. <strike>A bit harder to kill a human with a sneaky stab in a crowd than a monster</strike>. 

"You will take Hinni, Meirl, and John. Anita will have Markei, Lia and Jack. Officially your team is part of the crowd security team and you may dispatch yourselves accordingly. Your goal is the success of the event and capture of the King's Stone and the Skeleton Brothers." 

"Yes, sir!" 

"The King's guard, along with all the monsters on security detail, have legal permission for use of magic as a defensive measure and, if the situation turns dire, an offensive tool. Be sure to brief your teammates thoroughly."

"Yes, sir!"

"The general police team will have a separate briefing in a few days and I expect your teams to be briefed and prepped by then." 

Ah, so that's why he's briefing you first. He just doesn't want to do the same team briefing twice.

"...I can see your thoughts Detective..."

Whoops.

"-and no, there's another reason."

A shadow passes through his expression before he hardens himself, maintaining eye contact. 

"The first two Collars will be delivered by then." 

You wipe your face blank but your eyes still glare. Disgust, revulsion and fear churn inside but you don't have anything to say. You don't have enough time to think of another solution. 

"Understood." You forgo the sir.

"Good. Dismissed." He accepts that. 

* 

The next days pass quickly, anticipation mixing dread as the big day approaches. There is no more relevant communication on the phone aside from memes which may have been coded or were just taunts...or both. The IT team has to call you in several times to help "decode" them including several, ms paint level, [homebrew](https://pennayluvall.tumblr.com/post/624247884807864320/type-your-answers-now) [memes.](https://pennayluvall.tumblr.com/post/624247300820221952/im-tough-and-sweet-and-a-bat-what-am-i) You honestly don't care that much about cracking(hah) their code because you <strike>(don't want them to get caught)</strike> intend to catch them regardless.

Soon enough you're standing among the security line in front of the crowd before the stage. John is with the mixed monster and human entourage behind the podium and every so often Undyne tosses him a glare for existing. Poor guy. Hinni is part of the detail surrounding the crowd at the back and Meirl is watching the whole thing from a nearby balcony, armed with some binoculars that he doesn't really need but likes to use sometimes. 

The crowd holds their breath when the leaders shake hands and the Ambassador, a teen whose face had been front page news for a long time, steps forward and covers their joint hands and grins. The crowd cheers. These cheers melt into confusion as the handshake lowers to rest on the podium and the smiles of the three involved become challenging grins. On the massive screen above them there's a countdown;

**5**  
**4**  
**3**  
**2**  
**1**

_ **GO!** _

Before the arm wrestle portion begins with a blast of upbeat [music](https://youtu.be/quYjN57Tycg). The crowd is even more confused. Within them there come several shouts of encouragement that seem to sway the 'battle' and that energy rapidly spreads before the crowd is roaring like at a football [game.](https://youtu.be/quYjN57Tycg?t=257) You and the others on the frontline get busy for the next few minutes making sure this newborn wild energy doesn't make it past you. 

The handshake finale can't come soon enough but when it does it's the smoothest thing you've ever seen and the crowd roars in unknowing agreement. Everyone is wide eyed and grinning and you know this event will be the talk of memes pages and forums and other social media for some time. Asgore and The Mayor start saying-

_You have a **Bad Feeling.** _

On instinct you tear your eyes through the happy crowd and catch odd individuals with disgust and other such things in their faces trying to make their way towards the barrier. You're unsure if you catch the glint of a firearm or watch but you quickly speak into your radio. 

"Meirl, several suspicious individuals making their way to me. Identify them."

"On it." 

"Hinni, warn your line and be prepared to stop escapees. John, guard the King and warn Undyne." 

"Yes, sir!" 

The officer next to you is staring wide eyed at what they just heard and you nod at them, expression grave. They radio the rest of the team and your security line sharpens and tightens, a few dozen eyes now searching for the possible terrorists. You finally catch the glint of what is definitely a weapon and start to reach for the general radio when a wild shout from the crowd calls everyone's attention. 

"UP THERE! ON THE ROOF!" 

Roof? What?

You look up at the monument...

"Mother, fucker." 

It's the Boys. 

There, posing majestically, stand **The Skeleton Brothers,** the taller's cape flapping dramatically in the wind. Papyrus in all his orange and red coded Tuxedo M flair and matching top hat and Sans like a minuscule masked mobster in blues with hints of red as well. <strike>(They've come out in full gear...You don't usually catch them in full gear.)</strike>

There's stunned silence that Papyrus takes advantage of to chat about how moved he was by the show or some other bs like that. Your attention is back on the terrorists attempting to progress. 

**"Meirl!" **

"I swear he wasn't there a second ago-" 

"Forget him for now! The suspects?" 

"Around 20, in loose half circle formation in two lines of ten! I can't see what they are armed with but I do not think it bombs." 

"-**Shit,** how we miss so many-?"

"Nevermind that Hinni! Your role remains the same! Keep an eye out for suspicious vehicles too!"

"Yes, sir!" 

"John! Think you can get to them?" 

"Yeah! Me and a few others have found the access ladder and are climbing!" 

"Climb faster!"

"Yes, sir!" 

The officer beside you offers their radio and you relay the new information to the general radio. A sharp bark from Undyne and another team leader has your line tighten further and brace, the monster officers among them subtly prepping their magic. You eye the brothers one last time and spot the package beside Sans. Sans eyelights catch your wide flesh ones and you absolutely hate how his grin grows. You rip off the third radio on your belt.

_ **"ANITA!" ** _

"I'M READY!" 

Anita knows that angry roar anywhere. You and Sans stare at each other until a well placed gust blows the cape and covers his form for a second and he disappears. 

"Y/N! The first line will be on you in 1 minute!"   
**"YOU READY!?!" **  
"YES, CAPTAIN UNDYNE!"   
"Stun batons! At the ready!" 

A surge of noise comes from your radios as you flick on your arm guards and watch the furious face of of one of the attackers fast approaching. The vibe of the crowd starts to grow wary as they are shoved and pushed through. A shout from balcony calls their attention.

"FREEZE! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"

That's John's voice. Fortunately he's obscured by the stone so no press reporting "Monster Held At Gunpoint by Police!!!"   
Unfortunately all Papyrus has to respond to that with is a smirk and a high flourish of an arm like a circus master. The sky sparkles. 

_ **"NYEH HEH HEH!!" ** _

The sparkles explode into colourful gas. 

Damn it all this is the worst time for a smoke screen...Or not so much. The first wave hits and the vast majority of them get caught almost immediately, confused by the smoke. At least you can say this wasn't a team effort then. However between the panicking crowd and the few seconds it takes to detain them the second wave hits and slip through the cracks. 

"MEIRL!" You shout into the general radio.

"Six Suspects! Armed with handguns and possibly knives!" He responds immediately, dishing out the coordinates. 

Three are caught swiftly. A fourth is dragged into an Encounter before being successfully detained. A convenient bone trips the fifth and they have the great privilege of being <strike>(crushed)</strike> detained by Undyne. You give chase to the sixth as they get far too close to the still retreating King and Ambassador. 

The Ambassador turns towards their attacker both too quickly and too slowly, an oddly blank expression on their face that you only recall later. You leap and tase the shit out of the fucker, tackling and cuffing them in pretty much a single move that ends with you straddling their back. 

_"You have the right to remain silent." _

Which they would because you tased them into unconsciousness because you are smart and don't want to deal with a squirming terrorist. 

_ **"NYAH HAH HAH!" ** _

_Oh gods what now? _

A gust of strong wind that appears out of nowhere clears all the smoke in one go, revealing _You, Straddling a Cuffed Person's Back_ on the stage.

_"Welp, my career is over I guess."_ You think, a slow, easy looking smile gracing your features as you stare out at the gobsmacked faces of the silent crowd.

_ **"Hey~" ** _

More silence. Damn, would you even get severance pay?

**"BRAVO! BRAVO!"** Papyrus begins clapping very enthusiastically for you and Sans _(dammit he got away!)_ gives you an odd slow[ clap](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1N5lZw7e78) that sounds uncomfortably familiar as a few more hesitant people join in. It starts to sound like rain before it becomes a great wall of noise. Even Undyne is clapping.

You don't miss the seriousness in her and Papyrus' eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now more characters will start being introduced I hope you like them (;;;-w-)
> 
> This is an awkward time to be posting about police in such a positive light XD 2019 me had no idea what the hell was coming but I can't change it now. (;;;-w-) hope you're still having fun reading this incredibly unrealistic story nonetheless :D 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR YOUR SWEET COMMENTS AS WELL OMDAYS XD


	19. Wow that's so meta...TON!?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet and greet a few famous monsters...We cringe internally  
Despite this book's title I can't write conversations ahah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *nervous laughter* been a while hasn't it (;;;-w-)
> 
> The good news is I've got enough planned ahead for actual romancing to start to occur...unfortunately I'm gonna miss the Halloween chapter by however long it takes me to get there XD but look forward to that....after some...stuff :)

So...

You obviously made the news. 

The papers seemed to have difficulty choosing between your spooky angry face and the weird easy smile and wave you sport a few frames later. John had laughed so damn loud when he watched the report later. You don't really know how to feel about becoming a meme but people loved it apparently. 

The skeletons naturally slipped away during the applause and when you and Anita went to give your reports the dep head had not been pleased. He had only just begun to <strike>(rant)</strike> lecture you both when he suddenly bursts out laughing. He laughs even harder at the shock on both your faces and simply slides over his tablet with the video of the attack scene playing. 

You got to see the blazing fury on your face switch to a relaxed smile and wave as you look almost straight at the camera.

**"_Hey~_"**

Oh. OH. 

Anita's shoulders began shaking. You couldn't resist the very present full body cringe you went through as the dep head dismissed you so he could calm himself. Snickers are slipping out of Anita as you walk out into the main office and everyone is looking in your direction, faint echoes of the dep head's laughter that many of them had never even heard before behind you.   
You look out at your crowd and think "_Screw it._"  
Your back thuds against the nearest wall and you smile, wide and easy.

_ **"Hey~♡" ** _

Everyone bursts out laughing. 

___  
*notif sound*

> B: Hello.
> 
> Y: Yo yo who dis?   
New fon whomst be? 
> 
> B: C'mon you can literally see it in my name 
> 
> Y: But whomst thou biest?
> 
> B: ...I'm sure your coworkers would be happy to find out how very much you just _loooved_ monsters even before they were confirmed real~♡
> 
> Y: ...  
Shit y got me bro  
-u-)   
Aight Beepiezcontact140   
Wat ya want? 
> 
> B: To simply meet up and chat.  
We have a lot to discuss.
> 
> Y: Bs   
Spirited Away lookin ass   
Taken lookin booty 
> 
> B: Stop that.
> 
> Y: Stop what?   
:)
> 
> B: I do not blame you for your guarded behaviour. B P has always lacked in the...manners department 
> 
> Y: Nah  
You told him to do weird shit   
So e did  
he*   
Tryna convince m to be Taken in the Daylight
> 
> B: Stop. 
> 
> Y: What??  
:)
> 
> B: Anyway
> 
> Y: *sends spongebob meme*
> 
> AnYwAy 
> 
> B: Anyway, We will be meeting officially soon so that should put your concerns to rest.
> 
> Y: Yeah  
I'll stack em neat n nice in ma weapons cupboard 
> 
> B: Very funny 
> 
> Y: Ikr im hilarious :D
> 
> B: You may reconsider your behaviour once you realise who I am.
> 
> Y: Ooh kinky
> 
> B: What?
> 
> Y: Wut? 0:3
> 
> B: ...  
Here is your hint. Going by the...intelligence...you've shown here I've made the answer fairly...obvious.
> 
> Y: _ *gasp*_   
You Collin me dumb misster?
> 
> B- ...  
I stand tall   
I dance   
I roll along  
I sing many   
an enchanting song 
> 
> What words we say here  
We hold in closed ears  
And when we meet  
To you I say  
_"Hello"_  
To me you say  
_"Good day."_  
...  
I will see you soon :)
> 
> Y: Aight creeper :)  
___

The odd conversation retreats to the back of your mind as the days go by, life gets busier as it begins to get even colder and every tree is almost half shed its leaves and stopped growing new ones. You keep a casual eye out incase it's a stalker but there are more pressing things to deal with. Like trying to work around the collar situation but _nothing_ is working and your dep head <strike>can't help</strike> _refuses_ to see you for it. At least you have until you're next encounter with the boys...

On that note your suspicions surrounding them and gang activity are paying off in this new odd mission. Not in the 'them' part but rather the 'gang' part. Shyren Shyheart was a monster singer that quietly rose on the indie side; among the first of a growing number of monster artists to break out into success. You're actually a long time fan (more so than Mtt's) and found her in her early days on YouTube. Heck, Sake was practically a groupie and made you swear to catch her autograph despite that being sorta kinda illegal because this was work. 

How this relates to gang activity? Well she was going to be singing in a mini charity gala run by Mettaton for the ultra rich and while they obviously have their own security your department had been tipped off that this would be attended by several Dons which might mean attempted assassinations. Because the gala was within your jurisdiction your team had been basically bought out to be insect repellent and legal eyes. Yes, 'bought' was the right word. You'd heard the rumours of much needed building updates and equipment funding had suddenly being available. You weren't stupid. 

Anyway today you were meeting your...clients...to get briefed. They are precisely 5 minutes late to the building, Mettaton's leg bursting through the front door being the first thing you see. 

**"HELLO, DARLINGS!" **

Anita jumps(like a rabbit lol) in fright and you have to catch her so she doesn't step on any of the pens and pencils hidden in the papers she dropped. Which is how Mettaton first finds you: a flustered pink bunny monster with starry eyes in your arms and you with a half smirk on your face and an amused brow raised. The area around you falls into shocked silence. So much for keeping this on the down low. 

He smiles brilliantly as he walks in and the first thing you notice is how tall he is. This sets of a quiet little bell in your head. He then proceeds to skate over to you on some really cool looking wheel/disk attachments to the side of his shoes. (You can respect any adults who rock heelies or other equivalents)

"Oh dearest, did I perhaps spook you? Here let me help."

He places his hands over both of yours and Anita looks like she might faint as you lower her feet to the ground like some sort of princess. Anita proceeds to have a short but total fan girl meltdown (<strike>in silence surprisingly</strike>) and Mettaton hums a little tune as he waits for your poor friend to calm down, technically making the meltdown worse. The tune also matches up with your mental brain bells and a possibility that's absolutely impossible occurs to you as he turns his attention fully your way. 

He gasps and covers his metallic ears as if he'd just noticed you.

"Hello~♡!"

Your eyes bug out as your response slips from your mouth. 

"...Good...day..." 

His open grin becomes blade like in intensity for just about long enough for you to register before it's back to normal, glittering and professional natural. 

What saves you from cringing yourself into nothingness (<strike>as it occurs to you that biggest face in monster media knows you were a-</strike>) is a shy little shuffle as your other client quietly slips in, murmuring soft apologies. 

Shyren Shyheart is adorable.

She's dressed in a simple young leaf green sweaterdress that goes as far down as where her shins would be. You don't peek down at her snake like tail since that would be really rude and weird but you've seen how it's soft ocean blues match the rest of her scales in a much more gradient fashion unlike Undyne's stark single hues. Although Undyne was attractive in a very different way to this. We're getting sidetracked though...

You realise you probably blanked out for a second there and smile happily at her as Mettaton ends his introduction. Mettaton feels a bit slighted at your response but you're not really paying any attention to him. You hint at being a fan of hers and she shyly offers an autograph which you have to fight with yourself to turn down. Anita sends you a raised brow as if she hadn't had a meltdown only minutes ago. You stick your tongue out her at when you think no one is looking. 

****  
The team brief goes without incident, if you don't include Metta's numerous outbursts and questions and general flamboyancy. (Also you getting told off for taking a photo of the plans even though the dep head knew you'd sketch them out later anyway) At the star's insistence <strike>(whining)</strike> several seemingly minor changes had been made to the positioning and, going by the stress creasing the dep's face, those decisions created gaps. Deadly gaps. But aay, aesthetics right? 

You, Anita, Jack and John would be standing in a loose square around Metta, Shyren and their main guards with Hinni at the back and another officer in front, forming an "elegant" hexagon. Markei and Meirl would be observing the procession from a nearby perch. The rest of the team were placed in a jagged circle around you all, like a many pointed star or sun. Your poor dep head looked so mad at the much too large gaps in the formation but who's ready to yell at superstar Mettaton? 

In case an attack does happen during the escort rather than the gala Shyren's first point point of call, outside of their personal guards, would be you and Anita as the point would be to get her out of harm's way rather than face the threat at risk of fatal injury or death. At the gala you were to be placed around rather conspicuously, all of you in prime spots to see anything suspicious. Like I said; legal eyes. For that reason Meirl would relocate inside the building whilst Markei would remain outside but on a perch closer and in better view of the venue. 

You had mentally eye rolled at Metta's antics at the time but afterwards while going over your notes and the sneaky picture you'd taken, you had noticed something odd.   
Each gap was the perfect size for another set of eyes. Somehow there had been no real mention of what the private security detail (Mettaton would obviously already have) would be doing and how they would be worked into everything. A much too large detail to simply miss. Instead of planning the whole thing together he had simply used his influence to bring about a plan where he could simply slip his pieces into the empty slots. Smart. Cunning even. 

You grin wryly as a text as sparkly as its sender comes through on your personal phone. Mettaton had insisted on sharing his phone details with everyone in the room after the briefing and you noticed the number on your shiny card was different from the others and wisely didn't comment on it. 

> M: Hiii☆ Darling♡♡♡
> 
> Y: Hello Mr Mettaton.
> 
> M: Oh Dear 😮 No One Calls Me Mr~🤔   
M: I Much Prefer You To Call Me Just Mettaton.😎😉😘   
M: You Were Far More Casual Before◇😏🤭

You roll your eyes. "_Before◇_" you didn't know you were talking to the biggest name in monster business since monsters were real. It's not your fault you had to distinguish tumblr porn bots from people that way....No wait it kinda is-

> Y: As you wish Mettaton.
> 
> M:Ooh~   
M: Still So Fancy~♡   
M: You're Quite The Flatterer♡☆♡☆ 

Did he ever stop using emojis? Although to be fair his tweets were far worse back when he started. Also how were flattering him? 

> Y: Thanks?
> 
> M: No, Thank YOU♡😘♡ 
> 
> Y: But what does someone as prominent as you want with a small time gal like me?  
Y: To the point of sending a henchman my way.
> 
> M: Ah~ Ah~ Ah~☆   
M: B is my sweet little employee   
M: He was supposed to deliver a Personal Private Invitation💌💖💝  
M: He's a Sweet Boy; Rough Around The Edges. Forgive Him For Misunderstanding~ 🥺🙏💋  
M:_ It Won't Happen Again☆ _

Ah. Something about that wording doesn't sit well with you. One would think someone working for such a big star would have the money to take better care of themselves...

> Y: Understood  
Y: As for the matter at hand?
> 
> M: Aww :(   
M: You're No Fun 81  
M: But This Does Come Across As Dramatic! 😎🤩  
M: How Exciting! ☆w☆) 

How does one's text mood switch so fast? You were plenty fun to text normally...probably. You aren't getting old are you? No. No, its just Mettaton. 

> M: However I Can't Quite Bring Myself To Chat About Such Subjects In Simple Text Form.🤫🤭😉  
M: That Would Be Uncouth! Dry! Boring! 🤯🥶🤯  
M: No, No, We Simply Must Meet Up!🤩  
M: Gossip This Juicy Needs Actual Ears Present And Accounted For!! 💝💖💘💋

Can this man just-

> M: You're Free On Saturday, Correct?

_How-? _

> Y: My apologies I may have a shift that day.
> 
> M: Of Course You Don't! Surely At Least Your Weekends Must Be Free? 🥺🤯🥺

They weren't often but you had a rare whole weekend free this week although you had honestly expected that to change with the mission preparations starting soon. Was this why it hadn't? 

> Y: Very few of them are. Comes with the job. 
> 
> M: My Condolences Darling 😔🙏  
M: That is quite sad 🥺 
> 
> Y: Perhaps   
Y: Did you have a plan in mind? 
> 
> M: Why OF COURSE I DID! 

Of course he did. 

> M: Over at The MTT Burger Emporium(C)🍔🍸🍽🥰 branch in your district!   
M: Dinner at 6pm SHARP DARLING   
M: Don't Be Late! ❤💌💋

As you're typing a light objection Mettaton sends you a blowing kiss gif of himself because of Course he does and goes offline. There goes your free Saturday I guess...

***

And so your Saturday arrives and you sigh into your bed sheets, the phone you barely looked at saying 12:30pm. A lovely day of lazing and sleeping in ruined by the prospect of a possibly (but maybe unlikely?) dangerous meeting with a massive celebrity that almost feels illegal. Was it? You're not sure but Mettaton could easily pay his way out of it. Not you though whoops. Oh well. 

The gala was in a week and social media was buzzing with excitement. Lots of Shyheart fans were bemoaning not being rich enough to attend. You placate Sake's <strike>(pout)</strike> glare by reiterating that a)getting an autograph during work was _illegal_ and b)you'll get it afterwards. Your groggy from sleep RBF stops him from complaining further and he just continues to pout as you grab your ready packed brunch from Han and drag your lazy self back to your room. 

As you eat you think again on the very sticky collar situation. There was no way you could somehow convince the higher ups to change their minds and if you tried to pressure them you might just lose your job and your ability to protect <strike>him</strike> them. How could you possibly make this safer? <strike>_(Why are you even going through with it in the first place?) _</strike>  
You tear through your tasty food to delay having another existential crisis. 

Wait. 

Could you test it on yourself? 

Monsters may be mostly magic based but humans had some too right? It's part what makes intent so important. A quick google (bless the mon wiki creators) confirms this and you quickly send a very formal email to your dep head, wording it in such a way that refusing would mean that he was breaking code. A little mean but it would need to be just so for when the email gets forwarded...

_(Would they have tested this on humans?) _

_(...)_

_(Do you even want to know?) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I actually do talk like That to try and drag out the bots 😆  
Shyren Shyheart is based off of someone....can you guess who? :3  
I'm currently stuck on the Mettaton conversation ooof  
But next chapter will probably be short and then action!...hopefully XD


	20. TONight Things Get...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't kidding about my conversational skill! :D!!  
Anyway let's chat...a ton...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I- um...Hi! So these months pass and I've brought you this! Enjoy! It's! A bit longer than usual! :D  
Forgive the little ramblings I do in this chapter XD I'm just here to have fun ;3  
Warnings in the end notes :)

The sun had just about blinked behind the horizon as you slunk out of your shared home. You had doogled the restaurant and for a so called Burger Emporium it lived more up to the fancy implications of the word Emporium than the casual-ness of Burger. Concerned about being denied entry you'd dressed up a little bit; a black high waist tulip skirt paired with a white open shoulder long sleeved shirt with a large pink zinnia pin on the right side, just above your boob.  
The skirt wasn't restricting anymore, thanks to some discreet modifications by a friend of a friend and would only flair if you spun really hard or ran. The pin was just so you didn't look too business formal and had something to match your minimal jewelry with. A black leather jacket and some nice, only slightly heeled boots tossed over the whole ensemble broke down the effect but you had a reputation of casual cool to keep up! Hush! Your arm guards were discreetly on and your knife was tucked into your skirts invisible pockets. 

It felt odd to hide a meet up with the most famous Monster ever from your friends but you just had this slight bad feeling about the whole thing...plus you didn't really want to test what the star might do you if you stood him up, or worse, brought friends. You bet his face would be hilarious though, all affronted and shit, like those slighted step mothers and aunties in soaps. Your giggles attract a few looks on the train but other than that it's uneventful and you arrive safely. 

Your eyes bug out looking at at the blindingly sparkling building as it hovered on the line of elegant and decisively garish; flashing gems outlining the edges of the building and the extensively advertised Glam Burger _(only for 29.99 Come on down for a taste of Glamorous Heaven Darlings >3♡)_ enlarged with the text MTT Burger Emporium written in a pretty gold cursive font, Mettaton's box form posed around the edges. There were even three entrances, one on the right for pop ups that was ridiculously long and filled with an assortment of people dressed to the nines. You couldn't even see the end of the line from where you stood. On the left was a practically empty line most likely for VIPs and special reservations and a middle set of double doors with red carpet leading up to them. A sleek looking Benz pulls up as you approach the VIP line and an actress you definitely recognize slides out with the help of an attendant and is led straight inside. V.VIP door then. 

The door attendant smiles a little too wide as you give them your name and appointment time. Were you not dressed up enough? Their smile sharpens when they find your name. 

"Ah, Miss L/n. Right this way please." 

You give a confused blink but follow anyway. The other guests had simply been allowed in by the attendant and you had heard another attendant cheerily greet them once inside. To be fair you were about to meet their boss so it makes sense he'd have his own little section for this kind of thing, whatever _"this"_ is. 

The walk takes a ridiculous total of almost five minutes in silence. You are lead around the restaurant, through several hallways and up and down stairs several times. Cream walls, amethyst purple carpet floors and discreet mostly in-ceiling lighting with the occasional stand with a bouquet of flowers that you are only fifty percent certain are fake. The doors are only a slightly more golden tone than the walls.  
Memorising most of the confusing path you realise you have doubled back at least twice but the hallways look almost identical. Even Meirl might get turned around once. Why would they need to confuse you?  
You only have a vague inclination as to where you are, in terms of the building layout, when the attendant stops. 

"He is waiting for you." 

They do not open the door. You frown at the odd behaviour and as you open the door they bow deeply and take their leave in the opposite direction from which you came. Definitely doubled back then. 

_**"DARLING~!"**_ The loud exclamation makes you flinch and almost wrench yourself out of his iron grip reflexively. "I'm so glad you made it!!" 

Those Auntie vibes make a return as he does the double cheek not-kisses and hugs you like you're his favourite niece visiting for Christmas. Or gyftmas in his case.   
You just about hear the door shut with the suspicious click of a lock. 

Hmm...  
<strike>You can break a door lock.</strike>

"I hope I'm not too late. The walk here took a rather long time..." 

You're so glad you wore boots. 

"_Nonsense!_ You are as punctual as you are a _present_ for work!" 

"Thank you?" You smile at the odd(?) compliment, thinking of how you always manage to _not_ be late enough times for a writ and how devastated your dep head looks when he realizes. It gets you everytime. 

"Come, come. Take a seat." He ushers, mothers and practically shoves you into a plush cream chair before waltzing two steps and seating himself with a high kick to cross his legs, his hands delicately interlaced. Bratty and Catty suddenly slide out from behind a floor length curtain you thought was blocking out a window in silver service grade uniforms with drinks and snacks on trays, shockingly professional smiles bright. Bratty's gets a little softer and more genuine as she winks at you before the mask slips back on and she places her trays down; her and Catty moving simultaneously. 

You must look surprised as Auntie Metta_<strike>-(oh you best not blurt that out later)</strike>_ clears his throat and seems to preen for a moment. "I see you know my girls. Lovely, aren't they?" 

"...Yeah.." 

"They've cleaned up so nicely." 

_"Thank you, Mettaton."_ They give graceful butler-esque bows standing behind Metta's chair on both sides. Stars above, hearing them talk in sync has never been so creepy. Bratty had mentioned getting a cushy waiting job for _'some rich dude'_ to wait on his every need. You had been worried that they had gotten themselves a pimp or something equally serious but after many casual reassurances of "No like, he's a prick but usually a sweetheart", "Yas girl we'll tell ya if we're like, getting beat or something." and "Girl, We are _Adults_ thank you very much." you had very reluctantly backed off. 

...You are regretting backing off. 

This would normally be the part where the Aunt who married into the rich family boasts and tries to kick the soft and sweet true heiress<strike>(of which you are neither)</strike> out of the house because her father died and she had a son beforehand. The many camera zooms as she laughed at the heiress' horrified expression...We're getting sidetracked. 

"That's...nice." You hesitantly agree. "However I would like to know why we are having this meeting in the first place." You smile. "What does someone as prominent as you want with a small time gal like me?" 

"Oh hon don't put yourself down like that~ You've done a lot for our kind." The sinister smile on his face doesn't match his sweet tone. 

"Rallies, petitions...arrests. Bob's face practically vibrates away when your name is mentioned so I can presume you were the reason the Temmies still have homes." 

"I was just doing my job." 

"Indeed~♡ His black eye, post interview, was rather satisfying to look at." 

So he's been looking you up? Fair enough.   
But, "What does that have to do with why you've called me here?" you ask, itching to get this over with. He, of course, ignores you. 

"And among your magnificent record of arrests lie both humans and monsters." His smile is a little sad now. Tension creeps up your spine.  
"Minor offences like racked up tickets end so much more nicely in your department. Major offences like Efor smuggling and production seem to end with more alive than dead. I've checked." 

"That's thanks to the coordination of my team and the knowledge granted to us by our monster coworkers on Fights and Intent. I'm flattered you think that I am the correlation point of the ease of process that has occurred over your time here but such an incline is only natural." You nod as you this. It probably wouldn't do to have him realise that you had in fact sped up the "process" a _little_ bit by being a social menace upon your coworkers. Who knew prank wars could be such great bonding experiences, huh? 

"Regardless darling, you've proved time and time again your worth in versatility and a surprising amount of strength; constantly using fairness and demonstrating true justice in a field that sadly oft lacks such an important trait set. But, such marvellous traits paired with your formidable strength-." 

He pauses, tightly clasping his hands together, almost in prayer if not for the dramatic <strike>and immensely creepy,</strike> sharp inhale he takes. His smile looks like he's smelt something very, _very delicious._

"It's enough to make a man _drool._" 

Your skin crawls. His next words are heavy and heady. 

_ **"I Need You." ** _

**"..."**

You start planning your escape.   
Who to restrain? Who can be attacked? How many routes out? How many flights of stairs before you can risk jumping out a window? Was the building climbable? Security? Automatic doors? Did you need to <strike>hijack</strike> _commandeer_ a getaway vehicle or could you casually use public transport and hide within the public eye? 

Tension barely begins to describe the feeling in your veins as you remain seated and wait for the metal prick to expand on his...point. Mettaton gets the inclination of a lain down beast with open eyes; one wrong step and it would stand between one blink and the next, teeth bared and claws drawn. Bratty and Catty shiver in the wake of your dark and cold aura as you stare down the monster star and he seems to just realise his error. 

Bullshit

_But I digress. _

"Oh, do calm yourself dear! You're positively _frightening_ the girls." 

Your eyes flick over said girls and you soften slightly as you see them trying not to tremble. Never would you have wanted them to be beneath the wake of your battle ready glare. They just happened to be hired by the creepiest robot aunt of all time...who may be about to attempt to poach you. You're already sick of those. 

"My apologies for the wording. I assure you no harm nor foul was meant by it." His hands relax to loosely interlaced once more and lower to his lap, his smile casual and almost gentle. "I truly do need you." 

"Care to elaborate Mettaton?" You raise a brow as you rest an elbow on the chair arm and your head on that arm's fist. 

"Well of course darling~♡ I would love to hire you and have you by my side as part of my personal guard." 

_Called it._

"...I'm going to skip past the whole thing about me _having a job already_ and ask you to explain yourself further Mr Mettaton." The title slips out naturally as you squint at him. 

"Well darling I've already explained what traits of yours I need." His expression becomes thoughtful. "As you have noticed although the tensions between humans and monsters have decreased the extreme measures of those who oppose this truly natural progression have become more..._dangerous_ as of late." 

Well that's one way to put it. 

"And like with that lovely ceremony with the major and our King...Figures in the public eye are more targeted than ever. I have been finding myself wiggling out of such situations far too often nowadays." He sighs, shaking his head. 

You can easily imagine that. Mettaton is world famous at this point and travels often, introducing the idea of monsters to lots of different countries while shooting everything from film to Broadway. 

"Failed suicide bombers on planes, stabbings during roadside interviews, acid buckets a few times." He shudders as your eyes widen in horror. 

"It's thanks to the work of my good friend Alphys that I survived each time." 

"The Royal Scientist?" You ask. 

"Yes. She was the one who built my chassis you know?" 

Alphys built Mettaton!?! ...Actually that truth bomb _<strike>(bad joke BAD JOKE**)</strike>_ makes some sense. Given the complexity of the armour she designed and the integration of core energy being introduced into our purely electrical, non magical grid you can easily imagine her doing something this cool. You were going to have Undyne give her lots of praise filled smooches from you. She's so cool. 

"That's incredible." You say, allowing some awe to creep into your voice. 

"It is. But having to rely on _just that_ is dangerous." 

Just tha- Why, if this was a text conversation you'd be key mashing in offense! Alphys shall now receive a gift for being so cool as well as girlfriend smooches. As it stands your brows rise and your expression otherwise blanks. Shouldn't those kinds of events have been on the news? Though it would an awful amount of sense to keep such things hidden to stop people from panicking...

"A part of the reason why you have such an extensive track record is what I think you humans like to call a "penchant for trouble."" 

_"You got that right."_ you think, smirking internally. 

"What that actually is is a marvellous ability to detect 'trouble' a significant if small amount faster than most combined with your desire to... 'serve and protect' one might say." He grins wryly. 

Huh...that actually makes sense. Aside from being cheesy as heck. 

"I heard you were stalked and almost attacked by anti monster individuals a number of times, with the near systematic capture of said individuals leading to the collapse of one the larger hate groups." 

Ah. The stalkers...You didn't really like letting people know about them, especially monsters. It was because you were among the number that loudly supported them that you got targeted. However you didn't like _Mettaton_ knowing because it felt creepy but at least it's giving you a good idea as to how deeply he's been looking into you. Which, fyi, is pretty deep.   
Though funnily enough they had all been noobs. Not as bad as FBrI tails <strike>(same hair, same shoes and shifty behaviour)</strike> since they were dressed different but absolutely shit at hiding their intent and/or their presence. They also behaved rather similarly and their threats were borderline high school bully level. Mildly upsetting but mostly just really annoying.

Each time was simply a case of letting a few colleagues discreetly know and set up surveillance traps and then baiting the idiots into actually attempting something and then boom, arrest for assault, successful charges of hate crimes and guaranteed jail time. Even if they got bailed they always tried something a lot more serious afterwards in desperation. Hence the guarantee.   
That had stopped when you moved to this area since the attempts had been starting to border on life threatening to the people around you. 

"While I am again flattered that you think my involvement was causation rather than correlation to that success I stick by my previous statement Mr Mettaton. Teamwork and great integration did the vast majority on a case that had been a long time coming really." You shrug. 

The grunts you'd caught only gave hints as to their layouts...which in turn narrowed the possibilities and led the discovery of the hideout's layout. Ok. So you helped. A little. And you would help again without question...but hopefully not because you got targeted 'cause that sucked. 

"Perhaps. But the training you have received from those experiences has given you a unique edge usually relied by hunters and farmers and other ancient roles that have existed since humans began." 

_"Oh wow. Sounds fake but go on I guess??"_ You internally muse with a raised eyebrow. 

"The ability to 'sense danger' or, as you humans call it, the 'gut instinct'." He sighs for a moment, perhaps seeing you about to call out his weird bs and continues speaking. 

"How does a shepherd realise a single sheep has wandered too far and is close to the jaws of wolves no one has heard? How does a farmer know to shore up his flood defenses up to months ahead of time when his land hasn't suffered flash floods in years? How does a fisherman find the sense to retrieve his nets because of a rare influx of sharks? 

"Experience certainly plays a part to allow you to identify the signs, even unconsciously. The other part is that feeling deep down in your 'gut'; I.e, Your actual Soul. Because in all these situations, the life of the individual is tied directly with several others. The shepherd to their sheep, the farmer to their crop and the fisher to their fish.That _'bad feeling'_ comes directly from sensing a change in the wavelengths of the magic and Souls around those connected to the protector Soul and is something humans and monsters taught to each other. Of course humans lost much of the ability as a consequence of forgetting magic. 

"The feeling of a hunter surrounding something important to you is a direct sensation of their _Intent_. The wolves and sharks want to eat and _to kill_. The intent to kill is the easiest to detect but also the easiest to hide among humans. Alphys could certainly tell you more about why that is darling, but as for why this little anecdote was so important is that your speciality is specifically for _Human_ killing intent. By opening your Soul so freely to monsters and _loving_ us so _**passionately**_-" 

He inhales creepily again but this time you feel more embarrassed than creeped out. 

"-You, or more directly, your Soul has relearnt that ancient technique but this time, your speciality lies in Human Intent. So you have become our 'shepherd' and those bad humans are your 'wolves'. Does that make sense?" 

You take a moment to digest that. You actually would bring this up with Alphys later; plus you had a record of the conversation to review as well hopefully. 

"Yes it does." You suppose. "-But forgive me for I find it all a bit far fetched. Even with all I've come to learn about monsters and the simple basics of magic this would certainly be a stretch were I to ask my monster colleagues about it." 

"As long as you understand darling. It's more than I could ask for and now you know why I want you." He smiles slyly as he delivers a line you never thought you'd hear outside of movies and old tv shows. **_"There's so much we can do for each other, You and I."_**

Now in the drama if the Aunt spoke like this the adorable, naive _<strike>(of which, again, you are thankfully neither)</strike>_ young heiress wouldn't realise how suspicious it is or would be willing to do whatever the Aunty said just to please as she still holds on to the hope of them being family again. The request would either bring shame or harm upon the poor thing and the Aunty would deny it and laugh behind her fan at the girl's misery. 

And that paragraph exists because you were trying to talk yourself down from some _very_ inappropriate laughter that would totally be misunderstood. Better it look like you just went stiff and awkwardly silent than to let him think you weren't taking him seriously. <strike>_(But Who Says That??) _</strike>

"You've explained to me what you want from me, which I still have doubts on, no offense-" 

"-None taken, my dear." 

"-but what would I get out of this? Besides money of course. I'm fairly financially stable and in a role suited to me." 

"I'm glad you asked darling!" 

Mettaton clasps his hands together again, this time with a pleasing rather than creepy smile on his face....It's still a tiny bit creepy. 

"Didn't you find that whole Temmie fiasco rather frustrating? Wasn't it because the only Temmie with a law degree was Bob and that they couldn't afford a better lawyer? I could easily have lent you my best; they specialise in monster cases and win 90% of the time!" 

_ <strike>...Then couldn't he have helped? </strike> _

"Unfortunately sending a lawyer from a monster, even one as auspicious as myself, would decrease their legitimacy. They were simply lucky enough to have been handled by your department. You know this." 

Damn it, you did. Cases like those, despite whatever glaring evidence there often was either got annulled or put to the opposition's favour. It sucked hearing about it. 

"But! From a kindly human? Who just happened to 'know some people'? BAM! Done." He gives an excited little clap you blink at, eyebrow rising again for a moment. 

"So many moments like that. So many scenarios that you have to dance an elaborate law tango in order to stop the innocent from being accused first, let alone get to accusing the guilty.-" 

"If I wanted the easy route I wouldn't have gotten this far. No offense. I've learnt to dance, in that sense, the proper way so I can help others learn it's complicated steps and help them avoid falling. I am not omniscient. But doing what I do, the way I do it now ensures that many of the loopholes wicked people find to twist the truth and bend law become tight and small and dangerous for them to use and easier to identify for normal people." 

Mettaton looks intrigued now. At least he's not annoyed about being interrupted...or not according to that eyebrow twitch. Welp. 

"I'll get to the point. While I am very flattered by your attention and grateful for your offer I cannot join you. You want me as a bodyguard correct?" 

"Correct, Darling! In your contract as well as a pay befitting of the security of a high level figure-" He puts a hand delicately on his chest to indicate himself. "-You would have a separate additional fund for whatever goals you wish to achieve; be they a top grade gym membership of any kind, access to sensitive information as high as my clearance allows or even the extent of the legal backing I can provide. Please consider this offer thoroughly before making any...rash decisions." 

Sensitive info? Legal backing? Now that he's finally said his offer straight it feels like he's dangling bait <strike>(which he shouldn't know about</strike>) in front of you but damn doesn't it look good. Still bait though. 

"...Unfortunately my decision remains the same. I cannot join you-" His smile drops and you tense up again as you continue speaking "-While I do not consider myself some kind of cornerstone to them, my team is not ready to suddenly lose an experienced member and many of my goals align with my current job. It may be a slow process but in it I find there are more opportunities for small but permanent changes along the way, leading to positive effect in the long run. Thank you for-" 

"And what makes you think I will simply let you leave, my dear?" Mettaton speaks sweetly and smiles like he's growling. 

Your eyes narrow as you lean a little forwards, thinking simultaneously how you could escape and the consequences of getting caught. The conclusion surprises you. 

"Because otherwise, well?" You smile broadly, voice still in its formal flat tone. 

**"You will regret it."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Metta's really twisting my arm and he has refused to let go of this convooo XD However! I'll make sure it all ends on a high note! ...probably! :P Anyway **STFU Sans stop laughing! >:1
> 
> Warnings: Talk of past terror attacks, hate crimes, stalking and minor criminal offences. Some swearing. Attempt at employee poaching. Out of context ramblings from the author(ah sorry XD) 
> 
> You: *ExisT*  
Mettaton: Hey hon can I <strike>have</strike>buy you real quick? <strike>(not a question)</strike>  
You: No.  
Mettaton: Darling ;)  
You, more insistently: No. :) 
> 
> I'll keep trying to get these out so you guys can read em! I should probably have a more solid upload schedule but for now I can straight up say this: All of my unfinished works are gonna continue. Idk when! But I'm Determined to keep going :3 
> 
> Stay safe. All of you :)


	21. A little...Spicy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get hungry, get nerdy and get warm :)
> 
> But first let's get out of Metta's 29.99 Emporium yeah?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. LIVE.  
FAACK  
Hi guys! My motivation to work has been nil for more than a hot minute but I have brought this gift instead! This turned out to be the perfect opportunity to bring in my hot bar bae Grillby xD  
But first TW mentions of Implied instances of past police brutality((Sorrryyy :×)) Metta attempts to manipulate and guilt trip you cuz the honey trap isn't work. 
> 
> Enjoy :3
> 
> Fun fact: I finished typing this on Christmas morning...

"You will regret it." 

Mettaton laughs. Bratty and Catty shoot each other nervous looks behind him. 

"You are positively HILARIOUS Darling~♡" 

You and Mettaton smile ever so sweetly; ever so sharply at each other, your part threat, part fact<strike>(although you are a little uncertain why you're so sure of that</strike>) hanging between you before dissolving into neutrality. The mood of the room now however seems significantly different, almost dangerous.   
Time to put all your social grace into wiggling your way out of this conversation and out the front door before the star actually decides to do something. Wait, do his teeth look sharper or is that just the suppressed anger in his body language? 

"Though can you not see just how much we can do for each other? The shows we could have? The people we could help? The lives we could save and keep safe?" 

"-Which is why I joined the force?" You interrupt his simpering pleading tones and watch more anger exude from him. 

"To help? To protect? To serve?" 

Wow, what a great time for your wis stat to bomb. You probably shouldn't be offering more backtalk but there was a lot more to it than that. You wanted to do everything that could be done from the inside. To set off a change in the status quo. It would take far more than what you have done so far but less people had to worry and less people had to die. 

_"-But are you really?" _

And now it's suddenly your turn to get angry. Mettaton is quick to continue before you can interrupt him again. 

"Think about it _sweetie-_" He says in a tone that makes you barely bite back a childish_ 'Don't call me that.'_

"-How safe do people feel? How many flinch at the sound of a siren? Or panic at a shout of "stop right there"? How many do you think expect to have their lives ended should you come close?" 

He laughs. It's...unpleasant. 

"We both know why." 

You stay silent, unable to refute his sinister growl. It feels like a villain is curling around you singing about all the ways you were going to lose. Not that you were about to debate an outdated, shitty system filled with loophole finding assholes. Not when your life's work was untangling those who fell victim to its traps and setting up new ones for the pricks that put them there. Not when all you did was educate and boost and protest and protect. Ah, you were getting angry. 

You take a breath. 

You sigh. 

"You've made your point." Comes out almost casually from you. It's a stark contrast to slowly warming aura, quick to resume it's cool state. Had it been a tangible temperature the girls would have started to suffer frostbite from its burning chill. 

"But-" A card wielding hand is thrust in your face to interrupt you. 

"At least take a few days to consider my offer darling. No need to make any **_hasty_** decisions." Mettaton smiles like a light bulb in a dark room; blinding. 

Instead of sighing in frustration you simply take the card without a word. Better to just give him this 'win' because for all your ability you don't want to fight him. If you escaped and injured him doing so it might get out. If he decided to actually capture you and you just disappeared it would also cause a lot of trouble for the people you care about. Neither of you needed the hassle. 

"Thank you for your invitation and this discussion Mr Mettaton." You stand as you say this. You hadn't drunk or eaten anything, too wary to trust in them. Considering how this discussion went in the end? Probably a good thing. 

"Thank you for coming Y/n darling! You will always have a free reservation here at my Emporium~♡" Mettaton winks as he stands, his hand swooping down and grabbing yours. 

You, <strike>_(regretfully)_</strike> thankfully flinch rather than punch him as he takes your hand to his lips, kissing it. 

"I hope to hear good things from you~♡" He whispers with lidded eyes, politely dropping your hand. You say nothing, nodding stiffly and leaving. 

*** 

"Fuck, I never want to do that again." 

You stretch in the fresh night air, your evening finally free. The confused gaze of the door attendant and the slight glare of the other guests makes you flush a little and get a move on, walking in the opposite direction of the long queue that still hadn't gone down. Amazing. The attendant was probably confused as to how you got out on your own <strike>_(good memory, guesswork and don't-be-a-horror-mc brain)_ </strike>but you did. 

Now that the stressful part was done (for now) you now had an open evening and an empty stomach to fill. It grumbles in annoyance and you pat it fondly as you boogle for a nice food spot in the area. The sparkling reviews of the local monster pub, Grillby's, win you over despite the need for a taxi ride. You'd heard a lot of things about things about this bar and the grease even from the empty food bags was tantalising as hell. You could practically taste those famous fries already. 

You hop out of the taxi hungry and excited for some chill time. The orange tinted neon of the sign was so much warmer than neon lighting had reason to be, giving the nice storefront a very homely feel. Man, screw work you should've come here way sooner. 

Stepping inside with a little ring announcing you entrance is at first a relief. It's just as warm as it looked from the outside and instead of being blasted by the heat it felt more like being hugged, the cold you hadn't realised was clinging to you gently seeping out of your skin. 

You sigh in relief and smile as you make your way to the bar. It's at this point where you start to feel the awkwardness of the stares of the mostly monster patronage. You get it though....Random human female dressed to the nines appearing suddenly....The greatest of evils do tend to wear nice suits and lovely dresses....Fuck that noise though the smell of fries is probably going to make your stomach do a bear impression if you didn't order it quick. 

You get to the bar safely and scan for the 'tender, trying to see around the odd tall brazier of fire until you notice that   
a) It isn't   
b) Why Is Fire Behind A Bar???? 

And then as it turns around and the uniform becomes apparent the biggest fucking smile spreads across your face as the _Fire Elemental_ seems to notice you. 

**_"Holy shit, you're so cool!"_**

... 

You didn't mean to say that out loud ahhh. 

Laughter rings out through the entire restaurant as you facepalm and drop your head onto the counter to hide from your embarrassment. A sort of bouncing crackle mixed with a voice stands in front of you after few moments. Oh stars, the fire monster was laughing at you! gah! You wish you'd worn a sweater so you could hide in sweater town for the next year! 

** _"Welcome to Grillby's." _ **

_Oh_. 

Oh that's one deep and warm voice right there. Yes sir. Oh boy, oh boy. Is it warm in here or what? 

_"My name is Grillby. May I take your order?" _

_"Yes, **sir**." _

Mmm. Did not. Mean to say that. Again.   
A deer monster cackles and gives you a consoling pat on the shoulder as you try not to combust and still attempt to maintain eye contact with the bartender. 

"I'm guessing you own this joint?" You ask weakly. 

_"That I do."_ His amused tone makes you want to cover your face for several reasons. It's not like you like deep voices or anything. **_<strike>(are y'sure about that? :) </strike>_**

"It looks great! Smells good too." It was at this moment your stomach decided that it was tired of waiting and growled like the food bear it is, uncaring of your growing embarrassment. 

"That's my cue to order a classic burger and fries combo so I don't _combust_ or somethi- _wait_, I mean- uhh-" 

You flounder as you try _(<strike>and fail</strike>)_ to correct yourself as Grillby chuckles and crackles quietly, a smirk appearing as a slit of jagged light and his eyes flashing behind his glasses like flickering bolts of light. 

"I'll get right on that miss." 

"-Y/n." 

And then you realise that he hadn't been asking and stick out your hand for a shake anyway because idiots stick their landings! He seems surprised but shakes your hand anyway before moving to the back into what you presume is the kitchen to set up your order. His hand was pleasantly warm and solid. 

Wait. 

You forgot to order a drink aaahh...It's fine you'll order when he comes back and your brain has cooled down enough to not socially faceplant you with every other word. 

Your name is barked from behind you and you turn and almost spring into the air like a cat when G.Dog's snout is inches away. 

"OH MY STARS- Hi!" 

He excitedly nuzzles you in greeting and you resist the oddly natural urge to ruffle his fur and pet him, instead giving him some awkward pats and avoiding the resulting puppy eyes to greet Doggo who was standing behind him. 

"It's been a while huh?" You grin at him. 

"Yeah! You been good miss?" Nodding at his question you give in to the puppy eyes blocking most off your vision <strike>_(look how fast his tail is going eeeee)_</strike> to look over at the table the two came from. 

The table of dog monsters was left with a mini sized version of G.dog _(which is basically average height)_, a couple who were bumping noses every other second _(super cute)_ and...a small dog sized monster? The little white dog looked like a regular dog but seemed different somehow. Their unique shade of white fur must've been very common in the underground. <strike>_(Their variation reminds you of Tabaxi)_</strike>

"I've been pretty good. I'm excited to try out the food here." You continue to give G.dog pets as you chat since it didn't feel like he was about to move anytime soon. It probably wasn't rude to do so right? 

"Yeah. The food here is pretty awesome. Grillby is the best at what he does. The drinks are pretty awesome too so make sure you try a few." 

You nod in agreement but feel your cheeks warm <strike>_(since you forgot to order a drink like a complete idiot)_</strike> as you notice that their table had some poker cards out. You must have interrupted their game. 

"Sorry for barging in like this though and making you pause your game." 

Doggo blinks and then laughs. He reaches over gently pats your head, minding the nice hairstyle. 

"No worries! It was going weird anyways. 'Sides it's always fun to greet the D- King's saviour." 

<strike>There's that weird slip again...</strike>Wait, saviour? And then it hits you and sweater town cries out your name as you remember your little stunt. 

"OH! YOU'RE THE _'HEY~'_ GIRL!" Shouts a wasted bunny monster. 

You go speechless with embarrassment as the bar becomes noisy and all the patrons are grinning at you. There aren't really words to describe your desire to turtle right then. The next few minutes are filled with the braver of the monsters coming to thank you and you get offered several drinks. Those you turn down since you don't want to end up with a)A hangover and b)strangers having to deal with drunk you. Although when Grillby pulls up with your food and a simply beautiful looking cocktail you can't find the strength to refuse. The bar cheers and you grin brightly. 

The chips are **Immaculate**. The burger is **Juicy** and gosh damn **Divine**. You find yourself squealing and tapping your feet excitedly around your mouthfuls which sends another laugh throughout the restaurant but you're too busy gorging to care. 

They helpfully leave you alone to enjoy yourself and pretty soon the burger disappears. A warm chuckle from Grillby <strike>(not a pun)</strike> makes you grin sheepishly only to gasp when a new basket of fries is placed before you. Your mouth barely opens to retort when his finger is in hovering before your lips.

_"Sshh"_ How is it that that both sounds like a voice and the sizzle of a snuffed flame? 

_**"It's on the house."**_

_Fuck_. That was _**deep.**_

"Ok. Thanks!" Your grin is wide and happy and your face feels like its baking from its own heat. (These are Not Puns.) 

You can clearly see his eyes and that jagged smirk as he winks at you and leans out of your space and you take a deep drink out of your lovely drink cause you need to _Cool Down Girl, Damn!_

_*ring* _

"Aay!", "Welcome dude!", "He's here! Big man himself!" Laughter and cheers ring out with the entrance of another patron. 

_'Must be a pretty popular regular....'_ You think, nibbling at another fry and smiling. 

"howz it going peeps? and buddy big man? really? I prefer _rotund_." 

No. Oh gods no. Please, no. 

"heya Grillby! howz it _crackling~_?" 

....Damn it it's him. You couldn't have one free day? Please??? 

"Sans! You bastard! Where've you been?" You hear an odd impact after Doggo speaks. A high five? 

"oh, you know, just places. it's been a fun couple'a weeks." You seethe quietly as he chuckles, more greetings coming to him from around the building. <strike>(...he technically wasn't wrong though...)</strike> Maybe if you just ignore him he'll leave. 

"and who's this gorgeous wallflower?" You can practically see the way his sockets must be crinkling with that knowing grin that makes you <strike>feel funny</strike> want to punch him. 

"Oh! This is-" 

And that's the moment the whole building realises how damn awkward the situation is. Grillby actually freezes in polishing a glass and you admire how his flames keep flickering and swaying. So cool. Would it be rude to ask if you could draw him? 

The bar awaits your decision with baited breath as poor Doggo flounders and stutters, unable to rescind his words but unable to finish them. 

"don't you know how to greet a new pal? Turn around and shake my hand." 

You sigh and turn to face the criminal you've been chasing for most of your monster career. 

"Y/n. Sans was it? Good to know." 

You ignore his hand. 

<strike> _ (It's nice to see him again isn't it? :)  _ </strike>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought you were just gonna chill but guess who's bringing the heat? (...There are far too many puns to be made man how does Grillby stand him??? XD)  
Tabaxi are them Dnd cat species. 
> 
> Good news: You passed the vibe check! 
> 
> (*insert montage of editing this chapter in tiny pieces throughout Christmas day* Merry Holidays yall!)   
**vibes in 4am**


	22. But don't you start-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flirting with- Oh DANGIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive folks! Happy Easter!!! This story never died XD I've honestly had this draft for ages and things kept popping up.  
A lot has happened but at the same time not that much. I had a quiet birthday a few days ago too.  
Plus I now have specific names for magic language and its firespeak(Grillby) this time. its just stylized pigpen cipher lmao XD  
It took me so long to figure out how to put it in. As usual my chapters aren't very big but I am still on it!  


"good to know indeed~"

Sans grin stretches as his eye (socket?) lids lower, his eyelights alight with challenge as he continues to hold his bony ass hand out the little- 

_'Alright! Let's go bone man.'_

You blink, put your drink down and turn to face him, your own smile mirroring his as you see him light up when your hand starts to reach for his only for you to bypass his grip and hold his hand in both of yours. You relish in the vision of his shock as you force his hand to close in on itself.

_ **-ppfffrrrrrbbbbpppttt** _

"Whoopie cushion in the hand trick?"

Your eyes sparkle as his shrink, the lighting dancing across your bare shoulders and your flower and your face.

_"A classic I'm sure."_

The restaurant roars with laughter. You preen as you see sweat bead on his skull. His hands feel oddly warm and smooth. You drop them before your curiosity makes your touch wander. Snarky pride continues to reverberate through you as you look down at him

"What's the matter Mr. Sans?" Your eyes flutter.

"Cat got your metaphorical tongue?" You take a deep sip of your drink while people _"ooh"_. It felt great to have him experience the speechless side of things.

"_oh,_ no _kitten!_" Though his tone went up, indicating the pun, a slight shiver still went down your back; your imagination happy to provide the alternate reading of those words.

"i'm just _purrfect_. it's refreshing to meet a fellow pun _prowler_." He grins as he takes the stool next to you because of course he does.

"My usual, Grillbz. Don't go easy on the sauce."

Grillby sighs and you snicker behind your drink. You see another flash of his fiery smirk and take a sizeable gulp instead of the sip you'd intended.

"i know he's _hot_ but don't go _melting_ already~"

You roll your eyes with your whole face and squint at him, taking an unimpressed sip of delicious drink.

"So anyways, what brings you round these parts, pretty lady?"

"Much like you I suppose: great food, great drink and a desire for some chill vibes."

"-zat so?" His eyelights burn a trail down your curves and you spitefully return the favour, finding your eyes gluing themselves to his neck area.

A _totally idle_ fascination wanders around your mind as loose as his white shirt that exposes far more than usual. Just when the desire to feel the texture of his sturdy looking but probably delicate neck vertebrae becomes a tangible thought he speaks, making you pull your eyes back up to his little white lights.

"you're all dolled up, looking like a absolute _treat_, just for a _meal?_"

His grin stretches and you idly wonder if his canines are as sharp as his smirk makes them look.

** _"or are you looking to be eaten?"_ **

Your eyes widen and your heartbeat picks up as a flash of a _blue fucking tongue_ traces his grin and his eyes take on a lidded look. Grasping your air of nonchalance firmly you take another casual sip of your drink. It was almost finished.

"And what business is that of yours? Looking to _fill out a little?"_

_'Ah. Hopefully that wasn't too rude.'_ Going by the deep chuckle he makes that seems to reverberate in your chest as much as his, you'd say it was probably ok...._Wait..._

"i am all..._bones_...after all. _sans_ the skin; Sans the _skeleton_ i am."

He places his elbows on the bar and you're not sure if you're imagining him leaning into your space.

"you'd make quite the meal, for a **starving fellow** such as myself."

"Oh I'm a little more _**'meal'**_ than I think you can handle."

_'Wait are you...are you flirting with him? Oh stars you **Are**-'_

"_**oh?**_ could we perhaps..._test_ that theory?"

All you can see are his eyelights so you _definitely_ hadn't been imagining him leaning into your space. You feel both your your heart and soul throb as a single beat as your brain scrambles for a response that wasn't <strike>(another flirt)</strike> _dangerous._  
A slam on the counter indicates Grillby's return and is the happy reunion of you and a refill drink. You grasp your new distraction gratefully and take a nice long distracting sip of it before realizing you'd have to pay for the new drink.

"It's been paid for."

"Huh?"

Grillby gestures to the restaurant at large and you look, finally noticing that everyone had backed off earlier and aside from some conspiratorial brow wiggles and a few winks no one moves to join you.

"You have four more paid for drinks."

He smiles at your surprised gasp and the incredulous look you whip around the room. You are met with a few choice snickers but since no one was owning up to it you couldn't make them take it back. Touché.

"tch." Sans manages to kiss his teeth somehow and leans out of your space to focus his attention on his drink _('it looks a little too smooth for a regular bloody mary...')_ You are confused when you feel a pang of longing and disappointment.

"couldn't you let me pay for the sweet lady's drinks grillbz? Now i gotta _impresse_ her _s-rum_ other way."

Grillby's exasperated sigh sounds like wind on hot coals.

"Pay? More like put it on your tab you- 

. I'm here to make money Sans."

Your eyebrows fly as you wonder if that was just a crackle of frustration or a hidden swear and if so what a marvellous way to censor yourself but what if that was a swear in some kind of fire based speech because you haven't seen two fire type monsters talk together- Ah. We're nerding off track whoops. 

Sans had just laughed and said something along the lines of "but we're friends aren't we buddy, chum, pal, amigo-" You'd tuned out on amigo and been trying to figure out whether firespeak was a thing and had been in the middle of checking the monster wiki just in case it was already there.

You look up at an exasperated sigh as Grillby was walking away and giggle when he shoots you a look of "See what I have to deal with?"  
Sans of course has the audacity to look proud about it and you giggle a little harder, pretending not to look at him.

*

As Grillby passes you to serve another patron you hear a sharp crackle* and see his eyes and smile flash before you again. Whatever intent he inserted into that sound makes your ears and face feel a little too hot and you turn back to your drink as you feel rather than hear his chuckle pass you.

Sans growls quietly.

_...huh?_

You squint suspiciously as Sans smiles an innocent smile. Although the effect is ruined by his little bs-ing wink. How does a skeleton wink? It's a good thing you don't ask that question out loud as it sounds like one of his stupid jokes.

"have I done something sweet cheeks? i swear im innocent."

You roll your eyes.

"That's a _fib-u-liar_." _(fibula)_

You're a hypocrite. But you couldn't resist! Even though it takes you much longer to come up with dumb jokes you like doing it when you can. Mostly for the cringe factor. However this time instead of cringing your listener, Sans, lights right up....You forgot this was his _Thing_ _<strike>(...or maybe you didn't :))</strike>_

Your various drinks warm you as you end up staying far longer than intended, attempting to resist _flirting_ with the **_Criminal_** <strike>(with little success)</strike> and distracting yourself from the more effective flirts by drinking a little more...a bad choice really because by the end of the night his femur is all but hugging your thigh. Your brain helpfully takes a screenshot of his ribs! Fantastic!(sarcasm) Plus you make no effort to hide your bust but _what does that have to do with anything? :)_

Also he kept taking shots so you'd been tricked into trying one. Ketchup...It was ketchup with alcohol. Seriously, fuck this skeleton. He'd laughed so hard he nearly fell over while you gagged on the taste. Grillby eventually had to toss you a bottle of water while sparkling tears appeared in the corner of Sans' sockets. _*So he can cry....*_

Grillby waved off your apology for making him grab the water and Sans collapsed into laughter all over again as Grillby explained how the water was specially filtered from the magic water from an Underground area he called Waterfall. It was only mildly uncomfortable, like an itch, so there was no need to worry.

"So can you fly?"

And there's your que to Stop Drinking as Sans, who had just about calmed and was drinking his cursed little drink; spittakes and proceeds to approach suffocation despite the lack of lungs. Your brain needed really good filters just for daily conversation, let alone the more complicated work talk. Alcohol tends to take your precious filters and throw them into the sunset, cackling as you word vomit random thoughts like that one.

"Sorry, that was super rude of me ignore that-"

Chuckling awkwardly, you resist the urge to jab at the wheezing skeleton beside you with his skull flat on the bar top. _*His cheekbones are such a pretty blue-*_

Grillby shrugs and shakes his head. Was that a response or an 'idm'? You are a little too embarrassed to find out. Oh, but the flames on top of his head seemed to sway with the movement; do they flicker and reignite when he moves too quickly or is that just a visual illusion? Are his flames even solid enough for that? Do they behave like a-

"is he that pretty to stare at?"

Sans had turned his skull and was smiling up at you from his place on the counter, the twinkle in his eye lights making your Soul _throb_.

_*'Oh'_, you think,_ 'his cheeks squish...'*_

"_Pretty_ much."

His smile widens and his sockets crinkle; the openness of his expression bringing out a matching one in you. _Your Soul feels so warm...._

Your night is quieter after that.

After denying any more free drinks by catching the naughty monsters in the act of signalling Grillby you say your goodbyes. Turning down a ride home is a ridiculously difficult task but your cab is booked and you make your way out to many forlorn howls(from the dog table) and well wishers. You'd think you were going on an expedition and not to crash in your bed and hope for no hangover come morning.

As you walk to the cab you hear someone call out to you;

"Hey! Y/n!"

Sans is leaning against one of Grillby's walls, his cheekbones still that <strike>cute</strike> soft blue with a mischievous smirk on his face.

"see ya round~"

You can't help a little giggle at his little challenge, returning that grin with the softest smile you've had all night.

_"See you round,_ **_Sans."_**

Your Soul pulses as his eyes go wide. His eyelights look brighter from here...or maybe you're just drunk. Regardless you have a final little giggle before greeting your driver and getting in the car, an odd satisfaction filling you as it drives away.

Sans is left to sink to the ground, his hand clenched tightly at his chest.

** _"i'm in so much trouble."_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe...guess ya Named him :3
> 
> Fully vocal magic languages are rare but You are nothing if not spongy XD
> 
> You're going to have to look up and translate this cipher on your own hehe >:3 (Dw though cuz this time its just a funny insult for Sans and a compliment for You hehehehe


End file.
